Reader Request: Etiquette for New Neighbors

I mentioned a few days ago in this Manners Monday post that one of my readers, Amy from California, wrote in asking about etiquette as it pertains to being the new neighbor on the block. They will soon be getting married and moving from the bustling city of San Francisco to the suburbs in Boise, Idaho.

This is what Amy wrote in asking:

Karla,

My fiance (our day is in the coming August) and I are moving to a suburb in a whole new state. I understand you have done your share of pulling up and settling down thousands of miles away from "home," I wondered if you'd give me your opinion on what is the etiquette for being the newcomers on the block.

How can we (in a classy manner) simply introduce ourselves to the neighbors and what are the ways that we can explore in building a social network in a new place?

Thank you,
Amy

This was how I responded...

Dear Amy,

Thanks for writing, I love to hear from my readers! :) First of all, congratulations on your engagement and I think it's great that you're stretching yourselves and moving to a new area, albeit unfamiliar.

It's true, I moved multiple times as a child, then as an adult, most recently I moved from Toronto, Canada to Orlando, FL 4 years ago which has been interesting. While the area was new to me, my husband had lived in our now home for many years and grew up here (it was his grandparent's home) so it was a different process for me-he was familiar with it all and I was learning the ins and outs for the first time. I think there is something special though about experiencing a move to a new town with a significant other.

As far as etiquette goes as the newcomers, if you're moving into a home or town home you'll generally find that more established neighbors on your street will see the moving truck and will become curious and make their way over to introduce themselves and offer to be of help as you get settled. If they don't come over on moving day (they may want to give you space), they'll definitely see you while you get the mail, walk the dog (if you have one) or go for a walk yourselves, or even take out the trash.

However, if for some reason this is not your experience, by all means, grab your honey and introduce yourselves to the neighbors. Perhaps you'll see them playing with their children outside, bringing in the recycle bins, etc. You'll definitely at the very least want to get to know the neighbors on either side of you as well as those across the street from you, however it's not necessary to go door-to-door and introduce yourselves to each neighbor. With street parties, local community events and other scenarios, you're bound to meet those that reside around you soon enough and one neighbor is bound to introduce you to some of the others.

The whole moving experience will feel so much more pleasant once you get to know a few neighbors that you can turn to for questions or help if you need to. They can be a great source of information-the best grocery stores, they may also have valuable contact for contractors/handy man, painters, etc. Don't be disheartened if your neighbors seem to keep to themselves, this is especially common in the cooler months but by introducing yourselves and getting to know your neighbors you'll show yourselves to be friendly.

As far as branching out socially, if it's a city where the two of you won't know anyone else, or many others, the website: www.MeetUp.com is highly recommended and exists in every city. I didn't discover it until I was living in FL for nearly 2 years but once I did, I got to meet a lot of great people who were also in the same place in their life, similar age group with similar interests and even started my own women's group on it which has been a blast! It's a great way to get to know local eateries, shopping areas and learn about local parks, activities, etc. It was the single best thing I did besides buying a GPS. ;)

Other areas for you to branch out socially might happen naturally if you set up a library account, explore churches in your area (if that's of interest) and be sure to ask friends if they know of anyone in your area. You never know, a friend of a friend might be able to introduce you to things and places you might not have thought of and you might make a new friend that way too.

I hope this is helpful. Your questions have actually given me inspiration for a couple future posts on moving and etiquette. I hope your upcoming move is extremely stress-free and that you love your new home and city!

Warmly,
Karla

I'd love to hear how you got settled into your neighborhood and how you set up your social network in a new town!

Reader Request: Asking if She's Pregnant

Sharon from Wisconsin would like to know:

When is it okay to ask a woman if she's pregnant?

Sharon, thank you for writing in. This is a great question! It may be difficult if someone you know starts turning away alcohol or making more trips to the lady's room, but no matter how curious any of us are about a friend, family member, neighbor or colleague, it is always best to wait until the mom-to-be has shared her news with the world. If she is with child and wants you to know, she'll share it when she is ready.

There may be some underlying reasons why she isn't so keen to share the news just yet. On the flip side, she may in fact just be experiencing health problems or gained weight from a prescription medication or even from the very love of food instead of being say 4 months pregnant, so it's best not to put anyone on the spot by asking. If you are wrong in your assumption, it could be completely awkward for you both moving forward.

I'll never forget the day while I was working in a health food store many years ago and the franchise owner (who stopped in monthly and was generally very personable with the customers), asked one of our regular female customers how far along she was. She wasn't pregnant! You could tell she was mortified. I was so embarrassed for both of them, I couldn't believe that he had asked her that. Case in point- never ask!

I know of a couple women personally, who although married for several years, the baby came as a surprise that they were not planning on, and those ladies took a little longer to tell everyone than those who had been 'trying' for months and couldn't wait to announce it to the world and post it on facebook the second they found out or hit the 12-week mark. Everyone has their own personal reasons for keeping quiet and we must respect  them.

A very close girlfriend of mine stayed tight-lipped with the news altogether because she was in the process of applying for a higher position within her company and didn't want anything to hold her back. Because she had friends and coworkers as friends on facebook and news travels fast, none of her closest friends even found out until she was 5 months along with her second baby (including myself) which is when she finally received the decision regarding the promotion, after which time she told her colleagues who were starting to gossip amongst themselves about her recent weight gain.

What are your thoughts? For those that are mothers- how and when did you decide to share your baby news?

~Karla

*image (1)

Reader Request: What's Mine is His?

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A few weeks ago, the Manners Monday series was focused on Table Etiquette and Manners as it pertains to dining in, dining out, and the sometimes uncomfortable interview over lunch.

After one particular post on table etiquette not only did I receive a few comments and some e-mails from all of you about the topic of 'food stealers' and sharing food, I also received a reader request in my inbox. I've been asked to keep her name anonymous. Our e-mail conversation is below:

Hi Karla,


At casual family dinners, my husband thinks it is okay to reach out and grab a piece of my food from my plate before he asks, and he does so with his fingers. I don't mind him having the food, but I think it is very rude to "pick" food from a person's plate then asking if it is okay that they have it after the fact.

I think if someone wants to try a portion of food from another's plate they should ask permission (even if it is a spouse) and then use a utensil, not their hands. My husband says I'm selfish and snooty for being that way. I say that is not the case. What do you think?

~Anonymous

Hi Anonymous,

Thanks for writing in! :) A few of my readers mentioned in the comments section that their husbands do the same thing, so you are not alone. You are completely correct for feeling that it's rude of him to have taken food from your plate without asking first, especially with his fingers. This is definitely poor manners.

If something is on our own plate it belongs to us, if it is on another person's plate, it belongs to them. Whether in a high end restaurant or in McDonald's, good manners always require asking first, even if it's only ONE french fry off of their plate. Close family members aren't exempt from the need to ask, in fact it is by asking first that we show our respect for one another and simultaneously teach our children what is considered polite, as they mimic the behavior they see.

When the other person agrees to share, you should typically let them portion out what they want to give you on a separate small plate or in a casual setting, transfer the food to your plate with their utensil. If they invite you to take what you like, be sure to use utensils, not fingers.

You are not being snooty or selfish in any way at all. In fact, I find it humorous how many times classy women and those that are polite get labeled as snooty. I received a reader request several  months ago on that very topic which you might be interested to read, it's titled 'Classy or Snooty?.

She then replied:

Dear Karla,


I very much appreciate you responding to my question about table manners and reaffirming my belief about what is considered "proper". Thank You! It really helps to hear another person's perspective on a topic that is still important in today's society, but many have become complacent about. You have been so helpful!


Thanks Again!


Sincerely,
~Anonymous 

Do you have family or friends that feel it's okay to steal your food or pick from your plate? How do you handle it? I'd love to hear from you!

I hope you all are having a fabulous weekend!

Reader Request: Handling Tardy RSVP Responses

To continue the theme of hosting and guest etiquette, I'm going to share a recent request  from Karen @ Strictly Simple Style She wrote me and asked this:

Here is a situation that I'd love you to cover, etiquette regarding R.S.V.P's. I am hosting a pre-party before another event that is a short distance from my home. This is an annual event and we've been hosting this party for years. I sent an evite because it's a casual affair, but I'd still like to know how many I should count on for cocktails and snacks. There are a few guests who never R.S.V.P. among this group. In some situations they call the day of the event to let me know. One person occasionally doesn't R.S.V.P but comes anyway.

My question: Is there a tactful way of wording the invitation that might result in a better response? Also, for those who don't respond to invitations in general, is it appropriate to give them a call or mention at a later time that I wished I'd known if they were coming?

Thank you Karen for your question!  This is an excellent question and it happens to hosts more often than not. It’s hard to imagine why a guest would not reply to an invitation, especially when the acronym for RSVP is actually a French phrase which means, "répondez, s'il vous plaît," or "please reply."  It is only common sense to make the hosts’ life easier by letting them know either way as soon as one knows if they are going to be unavailable.

Here are a few things that you as the host can implement to gain more RSVP’s to your events so that you can better plan accordingly and have things run smoothly.

How to Gain the Best RSVP Response


Firstly, include both your telephone number and e-mail in the RSVP. Also, ensure that you have a specific reply by date (10 days before the event is acceptable, unless of course the evite was sent out after that time frame, then choose a date based on the nature of what is involved in your preparations.) This gives respondents no excuses at all for not replying. Unfortunately, saying anything that could be perceived as negative on an invitation is not a good idea because it sets a negative tone for the occasion, so focusing on an exact date is best.

While some use a 'regrets only' approach to an RSVP, I warn against this because it sets you up to expect several people to show that may in fact not have bothered to reply, but appear to you as a ‘yes’. Also, try to avoid allowing ‘maybe’ responses. They are an easy selection for the undecided but some never change their response. A ‘no’ is more accurate than a maybe reply. If you choose to allow maybe responses, you need to count them as a ‘no’ until they are updated.


Following Up

1. Evite Response E-mail-When creating your evite, many companies that offer them, such as Evite, give you the ability to create a follow-up ‘reminder’ about your event. Firstly, you can set it up in such a way to be a general reminder for everyone a few days before so they don’t forget your event,. Better still, you can send a reminder which will solely go to those who have not taken the time to reply. On evite.com, you would go to ’Change Guest Reminders’ and then select ‘Viewed, but not responded’. It will go to the tardy invitees specifically and will be a good enough reminder to those that need to still give their yay or nay.

2. Follow-up Call- If a few of your guests still haven’t responded after a reminder e-mail and it is 10 days or less before your event, you have every right to follow-up and it is entirely appropriate. Let your would-be guests know you are calling so you can get an accurate head count. A great way of asking this is by saying, “We are having the place cards created (or the drink menu drafted) for the dinner this week and we are hoping that you are planning on attending." This is a subtle, positive message that will elicit a direct response. If you happen to get their voicemail-ask them to reply within 24 hours by calling you or replying via the evite itself.

After the Event

Addressing one who doesn't RSVP can be a tricky subject to broach. It would depend on how well you know the particular guest(s). For close friends, you could politely let them know that you always really enjoy their company but that it makes your planning go more smoothly when you have an accurate head count. If they don’t receive it well and are offended, then they are seriously lacking good manners and respect for you and your party. A friend would be apologetic and sure to not let it happen again.

For this particular event, it sounds as though you know most of the guests well.  Because of this track record and the casual nature, always err on the side of having extra cocktails and snacks for your guests without making a special announcement on the invitation itself as there really isn't a specific way to tactfully word your desire for them to reply, your RSVP instructions should be sufficient.

Karen, I hope this was helpful for you and best wishes for a successful pre-party event with a fully responsive guest list!

The concept of manners, etiquette and civility are not embraced by all, as we well know, so it is up to us that adhere to them to be a shining example to others.

How about YOU? Do you have some advice you'd like to add for Karen, perhaps on what specifically to say to those afterwards? Do you add something special to your invitation that seems to evoke a higher RSVP response rate? I'd love for you to share!

Warmly,

Reader Request: A Polished Look

It's been a while since I've posted a reader request. Today's request comes from Tara M. of Atlanta, Georgia and is all about a particular accessory that can polish off your overall look- nail polish.

Here is what she wrote:

Dear Karla,

I've been following your blog for several months and have enjoyed reading your archives. I really agree with everything you write about. I have a question for you about nail polish. There are so many trends swirling around this spring especially in the nail polish department.

One of your older posts included a great neutral color for fingernails. I enjoy getting a french manicure and pedicure done but want to have a little fun and switch it for spring and summer. What are your thoughts on colors for both toes and fingers? Are bright colors considered to be tacky or unclassy or are they part of the summer look?

I look forward to hearing what you have to say.

Sincerely,

Tara M.

This is a great question and one that maybe some of you have wondered about also. Here are my thoughts on nail polish and nail hygiene in general.

If you think about it, nails and hands really are a focal point, your hands are seen everyday. Before even addressing nail polish itself it's important that nails are neatly kept. If nail polish starts chipping off, nails are dirty from cleaning or gardening or an artificial nail is missing on a hand full of say acrylic nails, that would be the first order of business. Nail cleanliness is so important and it really gives others a good look into how you value hygiene on your priority list.  Nails are also a breeding ground for germs and bacteria so shorter, natural nails are best. Personally I keep my nails long enough that they still look pretty and feminine but short enough so that they stay clean and I prefer my natural nails so that they stay healthy and strong and can breathe.

In terms of color, I don't think it's a bad thing at all. It all depends on how you apply it and where it is worn. There are shades that, on your finger nails, probably aren't the best for the office but you shouldn't feel as if your only options are clear, french tips or neutral pale colors.

One of the things I love about summer is dressing up my tootsies in fun colors. I'm don't personally wear a lot of color on my hands because I feel some colors are too in your face and with toes, you can easily hide them if a color isn't appropriate for a certain venue, say an important interview where you'd want to be taken seriously. Finger nail polish also begins to chip quickly after the first day or two, so bright or dark colors create a higher level of maintenance. As mentioned above, when you keep your nails shorter and neatly kept, you avoid the 'talon' look so that in and of itself already creates a neater, more classy look as a base for any color. Bright colors on really long nails in  my opinion are not at all classy or elegant. The same holds true for designs on nails. It is exteremly important to make sure that even while growing nails out that they are all the same length.

There are a lot of great colors to choose from right now and I think a vacation spot and the late spring and summer months are the perfect time to show off your bright, new pedicure. While many neon colors reminiscent of the 80's have surfaced  and some many want to relive that decade, use your discretion. Just because they are available doesn't always mean they are beneficial. ;)

There is no hard and fast rule but I think clean, pretty and tasteful always prevails. You also do not need your manicure to match your pedicure so you could go a little more conservative on the finger nails or wear a pretty shimmery pink with just enough punch while being more expressive with your feet.

Tara, I hope this information was helpful. The spring and summer months are here so I hope you will choose to have a little fun with your pedicures and enjoy the warm, sunny weather.

This past weekend I got to enjoy a mani/pedi at one of my favorite spas called the Beauty Spot. I was ready for a punch of bright color myself so I decided to get my pedicure done with OPI's Cajun Shrimp. I purchased my own bottle last year after falling in love with this fun color. It is a deep orange-red with a hint of pink and every salon I've visited deems it as the perfect summer color that they can't seem to keep in stock.

With all of the choices I had available to me I still wound up choosing this color, it is my favorite fun go-to summer color. Here in Florida it feels like summer year round and we are already reaching 90 degree temps on a pretty regular basis so I am in open toe pumps, gladiators or other sandals daily. Some of you might feel more comfortable using such a color when your area becomes a bit warmer. For fun I decided to snap a photo for you in one of my most favorite and comfortable pair of peep-toe heels, because it always looks a bit different in the bottle than on your nails.

Here is a closer look of the color. Sorry, blogger would not let this picture post in it's rotated form.


I have also included my all-time favorite nail color called Madison from the Zoya brand which I'm wearing on my finger nails right now. If you are not familiar, Zoya is a less toxic line that eliminates tolulene and formaldehyde from its line and boasts as a safe choice for pregnant mommies to be. It is just as durable as many of the other brands. I use two thin coats of this and own two bottles of this in my nail polish basket too. I often use this as a spring color on my toes too when I'm transitioning from the deeper, darker plum colors of fall to the brighter colors of summer. It does not show small chips and if your nails are short or growing, it keeps them from standing out while you await your longer nails. On occassion when I'm in the mood I'll also wear darker colors on my hands but because they chip quickly while I'm busy working, it is rare.

What are YOUR favorite nail polish colors? What color do you have on your fingers and toes right now? I'd love to hear about. :)

Have a wonderful week!

Reader Request: Mastering Time Management

This week's reader request comes from a lovely gal named Nathaly who has some concerns about time management. It's something that affects all of us so I hope you'll all benefit from the tips below, here is what she wrote:

Hello Karla!

My name is Nathaly, and I have a question for you. As a college student, I'm having a lot of trouble with time management due to all the obligations a typical college student has such as school work, family, friends, student groups, hobbies, applying for internships, financial troubles etc, etc. I am trying to establish a good daily routine in which I can make the most of my time, but don't really know where to start.

Besides fitting in my obligations, I also want to make time for a good amount of sleep, exercise, healthy eating, bible time, and the like. I decided it would be useful to look at the daily routines of people I admire and you are one of them. You seem like a highly effective person and it seems like you have a close relationship with God. I would love to see how you organize your day and how you dedicate time to God, as well!

Thank you so much!

-Nathaly

Here is my note to her and some necessary steps to take in order to master time management.

Hi Nathaly!

Thank you for taking the time to write me, I'm so flattered by your sweet words. :) I was a college student myself not too long ago and I will most certainly do my best to share with you how I organize my day/time so you can accomplish as much as possible in each day. I used to be a Professional Organizer too so I'm very familiar with organizing spaces but also schedules.

As a student, organizing your time and various life demands is one of the greatest challenges that you'll face.With different class subjects and times each day, things can be tricky, nevermind adding friends, family, prayer, or even a job into the mix. Below are some tips I recommend to help you set up a schedule that works best for you.

Time Management Success Tips

1. Use One Calendar Only- If you’ve separated your school tasks and lifestyle demands into separate calendars, start by using just one. If a paper calendar doesn’t provide enough room, use your cell phone calendar, a PDA device or an actual agenda book. This will allow you to see your FULL day and make better decisions.You can always color code by using a highlighter to highlight only the school projects or by using two different colors to differentiate school from non-school activities.
2. Prioritize-Aside from your school work and exams, what in your life is most important? You might want to take 5 minutes and list the various elements that make up your life such as God, family, friends, gym workouts, etc. What are your goals? Really think hard about how much time you’d like to realistically dedicate to each. Perhaps you’d love to spend each Saturday with your girlfriends but it’s just not feasible. Instead, maybe you can meet your girlfriends for 2-3 hours every other Saturday for example. Do this with each. This will help you plan out when and how each will fit into your schedule.

3. Timing is Everything- You had mentioned wanting to make more time someone important in your life-God. This is an area where many people struggle. Sometimes our best intentions to make more time for our creator get filled up instead with other pressing matters like a Father’s day event, a friend’s birthday or perhaps studying for exams and working on assignments as their deadlines are very urgent. I would encourage you to think about which time of day offers you 10 minutes or more of quiet time and peace so you can make time to be alone with God on a consistent basis.

For me, it is first thing in the morning. I make it a point to try to read my bible every morning or if I’m really pressed for time one morning, at the very least I can pray with no distractions. Be sure to keep your bible on your nightstand so you see it when you wake up or before you go to sleep. Of course there are other times throughout my day that I like to pray while I'm working, while I’m driving, or before a meal, but I find early morning to be a great time of solitude. My mind is most free from distractions, worries and thoughts and I am more fresh in the morning. It’s a great way to start my day too on a positive and joyful note! Early morning may be another opportune time for a workout session too for those reasons.

4. Backwards Planning-One great tool I use to plan most of my major deadlines or even something as simple as the mailing of a Mother’s day card is to count backwards from the due date. This can work for your school projects but also in your personal life. It especially works well when planning out finances too. You can create mini milestones for the various smaller aspects of the greater picture. For example, I am using this tool as I finish writing and editing my upcoming book and its many components and deadlines so I can stay on track. This strategy is great because it will help you experience less stress because you won't rush to have things completed and it provides you with more control over your life.

5. Plan Your Meals-Since we eat three or more meals a day, it’s a great idea to plan out meals as much as possible. Be sure to find some easy recipes online that you can whip up in 15 minutes or less. Find a few that you can rely on when you’re pressed for time and be more willing to explore new recipes only on days that you can afford the time. Planning your meals and snacks will also save you money and they are far better for your health than most cafeteria type food or fast food.

6. Hitting the Gym-As mentioned earlier, workouts might be easiest for you in the morning however, only you can determine that. Perhaps the evening works better with your schedule. Once you are working and have graduated your daily schedule will be less chaotic so know that the current challenges may become easier for you in the near future. In the mean time, even just a 30-minute circuit training workout can provide you with the results you’re looking for if you’re able to perform it 3+ times per week. Ask yourself if you can eliminate something else that you currently do now for that amount of time to contribute to your best health. For me personally, I work out whenever it fits into my day best, some days that is morning and some days it's evening. Overall, I prefer to work out in the evening around 8pm when most people are not there.

7. Alternate Weeks-If you’re schedule is so jam packed that regular workouts or spending time with family or friends just doesn’t seem feasible, you may want to alternate weeks. For regular activities that you like to do such as sports, girl’s night,workouts etc., you might want to do one week on and one week off. This way you’re still getting the benefits every other week but you don’t have to feel conflicted when you can’t schedule everything into a single week.

8. Trial and Error- To some degree, creating a really effective schedule is a bit of trial and error. We don’t always realize how long certain tasks will take at first and may need to adjust the time allocated. Likewise, you may stop doing something you once did or may pick up something new. Be willing to try different ideas or do tasks on different days. For example Thursday-Sunday are the busiest days for grocery shopping so try to do yours between Mon-Wed so you’ll spend less time in the store. Equip yourself ahead of time with a list to save even more time. Find out what time your gym is the most quiet and see if that works with your schedule. I learned that for me to perform best, I need to limit my time online. Now, I only check e-mail twice per day-once in the morning and once in the evening. I also limit my time to write for my blog to a set  late evening hour after I've worked on my design projects and book writing during the day. Sometimes you have to be a little bit strict with yourself to accomplish what you truly desire. Always remember to keep the longterm goal/gain in mind even when the short term one seems much more appealing.

It's also important to remember that your friends and family understand that College is both physically and emotionally demanding. Nobody expects perfection or for you to be a superwoman. Just do your best to make the most of each day, that’s really all you can do. Don't forget to make time for YOU. Make sure to take some time out to do the things you really love so you'll feel inspired, even something as simple as a bubble bath can rejuvenate you for the next day.

Nathaly, I hope you'll find these points beneficial, they are the very secrets I use. Please keep in touch and let me know how you are doing!

Have a blessed week,

~Karla

Just a reminder to anyone else who has a question that they'd like to see answered in the form of a reader request, you can e-mail me by clicking the large envelope in the sidebar. You can choose share your name or remain anonymous. My goal is that by sharing both your questions and my answers, I hope to help you as well as many other women readers with a similar scenario.

To read previous reader requests, simply type those word into the search box in my side bar.

I look forward to reading your e-mails soon!

Reader Request: Stationery Savvy

Image Sources: Betsy White; J Press Design;  Oblation;  Betsy White (clockwise)

Today’s request comes from a reader that would like to remain somewhat anonymous, given the uniqueness of her name. She has a couple of tricky dilemmas to tackle when it comes to stationery, monograms and which names to use as she has kept her maiden name and her husband is often referred to by his nickname versus his given name.

Here is what she e-mailed me:

I have a question about Stationary. I want to order some custom stationary, but am not sure what to put on it. If I order note cards, do I put my name on the front, or my monogram? If it has my name on it, can I use them for Thank You cards for things for myself AND my husband, or only myself?


Also, my husband and I have different last names so how do I create a monogram to use on things? This has bugged me since our wedding as I have always wanted personalized stationary, but none of the stationary companies I have contacted seems to have an answer.


My initials are MMB and my Husbands are DEC. To make it more complicated, my husband is known to almost everyone as a Nickname as he and his father share the same name. This nickname (Woody) does not share any of his official initials. We even had to put the nickname on our wedding invitations so people would know that I was marrying the SON not the Father.


HELP!!!  If you have ANY idea where I can find info on this, it would be great.


Thanks so much!!


M. Bourne


First of all, thank you for your question Ms. Bourne. I love custom stationery and it’s a fun way to send out correspondence, thank you cards and to keep in touch with friends while adding your own unique and personal touch.


To answer your first question about note cards, you can really use whatever you would like on the cards, but bear in mind that it will ultimately depend on who will be using these cards. If they'll be used exclusively by you, then you can use your first name only, your first and last (maiden) name or a monogram which is unique to your three initials which would include your maiden name. Tradition dictates that it is always appropriate for a woman to use or incorporate her maiden name, even after becoming married. So, one alternative that many women choose (as do those without a middle name) is to use their maiden name as their middle name. HERE is a whole site page dedicated to the very topic of using names within a monogram.


If you intend to share the note cards with your husband, you should probably use the initial of your married surname. For a joint monogram which would include both of your names, list your first initial, your married last name initial in the middle (which is larger than the other letters on either side) followed by his first (most commonly used) initial. This is very common now and many family and friends of a newly married couple often purchase stationery or other custom items like bed sheets with the couple’s combined names for a truly united monogram.


Any of these selections would allow you to use your note cards as thank you cards for a wedding, baby shower or for an occasion such as a housewarming party.


In terms of the monogram that you’d like to create for other uses, tradition calls for the use of a given name vs. a nickname. However, in these modern times, you could use his nickname since that is the name that he is really most known by. It’s really a matter of personal preference. For formal invitations or events, I would encourage him to be listed with "Jr." behind his first name or use the roman numerals “II”, so that he can be differentiated from his father. My husband has a similar situation as he shares his father’s name also. As such, he often uses the above additions to his name and frequently uses his middle initial as part of his name professionally, since Paul Davis II would just come across a bit 18th century.


Since you have already made the decision to keep your maiden name, you can continue to create personal cards or monogrammed items for yourself that involve all 3 of your original initials. For anything that you purchase together such as something monogrammed for your home, because you are now married and share the home it would be most appropriate to use his surname initial “C”.

I hope I was able to answer all of your questions and that you feel a bit more confident about proceeding with the purchase of your new custom stationery. Be sure to visit Pear Tree Greetings' website via my sidebar button, under 'sponsors' as they offer some gorgeous designs! Custom return address labels will really complete the overall polished look.


Your e-mail is also very timely because there will be a fun giveaway involving stationery in the coming weeks. Check back for your chance to win some gorgeous goodies!


Warmly,

Reader Request: From Farm Girl to Classy Lady

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Today's reader request comes from Lindsey who grew up on a farm in Florida, is currently attending College and desires to become more lady-like and an overall classy woman. Thank you to Lindsey for her honest e-mail. Here is what she wrote:

Hi Karla,


Lately I have been trying to become a more classy lady. I'm a freshman in college, so I am at the point in my life where I need to decide what I want in life. I came across your blog and I love it. I find myself reading old posts during classes trying to soak up as much knowledge I can. Do you have any tips on how I can begin this journey of becoming a classy, sophisticated, and elegant young lady?


I have my career path lined out so I have that moving on a path. When it comes to being a lady I'm just very lost. I live on a farm in North Florida, and have always been the farm girl. I'm at the point in my life where it just doesn't really cut it anymore. I want to be the girl a guy can take home to meet mom. I also want to be the girl who is known for her manners and class. A modern-day Jackie or Audrey. Is this a complete crazy dream or could I make it happen?


Within the next three to four years I'm leaving my tiny home town and moving out on my own, degree in hand. I love my country life style. It has taught me some of my great life values of hard work and team work. I just feel it needs to be put on the side. I feel like I'm going to need classy girl skills over my ‘how to plow a field’. Please give any advice you can!


Thank you for your time,


Lindsey Lewis, FL

Here are my suggestions for you Lindsey:

Being a freshman, you are at a time in your life where a lot of change is taking place and becoming more of who you really want to be is a big part of that process. There are definitely many ways that you can move in the direction of being more classy, elegant and sophisticated so that you can become the classy and well-mannered lady you desire to be.

You don't have to completely abandon the farm/country girl values or lifestyle that has made you who you are. You can blend who you are with the new woman you want to become. Of course if you wanted to completely move into a new direction and leave that lifestyle behind, that is always possible too so it's not a crazy dream. It's very attainable! :)

There are three main areas that you will want to focus on while beginning your journey to becoming a more classy lady. These three areas will be broken down into more specific detail below.

1. Attitude/Behavior
2. Manners and Etiquette
3. Appearance

Many people, when they think of a classy woman, think about only one or two of these aspects such as how one dresses, and the truth is there are many elements that make up a classy lady. I'm really glad you are enjoying the information on this blog, two posts in particular that will be beneficial to you are:

1. How to Be Classy and Elegant with or without Money
2. How to Dress Classy on a Budget

These will help you in the area of wardrobe and graceful, lady-like behavior.

To elaborate on the three imporant areas above, I've included a breakdown on each:

1. Attitude/Behavior-Your attitude really determines who you will be as a person. You could come from the most desperate situation but by having a positive and winning attitude, you'll be sure to be unstoppable! It's not our circumstances that determine who we will become. We must take action and be determined to have a positive, upbeat attitude, even when it feels as though things may not be going our way. Remain non-judgemental as it pertains to certain situations or upon meeting new people. Above all, be a gracious and kind woman who other people will naturally be drawn too. People are attracted to other warm, inviting people who smile a lot, see the glass as 'half full' and enjoy the opportunities that each new day brings. These women not only make the best friends, but best employees, colleagues, mothers and wives also. Be a person that other people want to spend more time around.

When it comes to behavior, remember to act like a lady, but be yourself. Don't  try too hard to act like or be someone that you are not. Behave in a respectful way no matter what you are doing and be consistent. A classy woman isn't one who acts a certain way around her friends and family but the total opposite at work or on a date. You need to uphold what is important to you, your values and morals need to be as in line and true in one venue as they are in another.

Overall, being polite and respectful is key. Speak with a moderate tone, don't yell, raise your voice or curse. Always say 'please' and 'thank you' and remember that your body language can often speak for you. Crossed arms say a lot about how someone is feeling. Be conscious of your body language and how it lines up with your attitude and overall presence.

2. Manners and Etiquette- As mentioned above, basic manners are a must-holding a door for someone, saying please and thank you as well as helping others that are obviously in need of your help. Etiquette is something that if one hasn't learned in their home as they've grown up, might take a bit more time to learn and develop. Since we've never met and I'm not sure exactly where you are at, I would recommend reading some specific books on Etiquette such as those by the ever-popular Emily Post. Etiquette books are typically very in depth and will reveal a lot of information for you about all types of events, occasions as well as day-to-day etiquette such as how to turn down a date. You will also find more upcoming 'Manners and Etiquette' posts right here too!

3. Appearance-Unfortunately, we are all evaluated and often judged by our appearance. Sometimes, whether it be an interview or 'meeting his parents' you'll only get one impression that will be a lasting one with the other person in question. You always want to make an effort and put your best foot forward for such scenarios but also on a daily basis too. Even if you are running to the grocery store, you want to arrive in a presentable manner. This isn't just for everyone else, it makes you feel good about yourself too. Wherever you are remember to walk with your head held high, stand up straight and pull your shoulders back as to lenghthen your body and be more confident and alert vs. showing up slouched over without any visible confidence or attention paid to your appearance.

In terms of clothing, you'll want to be yourself. Dressing in a classy manner doesn't mean you need to wear little shift dresses 24/7 or that you always look perfect. Some keys to dressing classy are in the overall details. Make sure that hem lines are appropriate, it's never classy to 'let it all hang out' by way of a short skirt or a low cut top. Make sure makeup is natural and pretty, not overdone. Wear great accessories but use them sparingly, overaccessorizing can ruin an otherwise great outfit.

If you are not comfortable in such items as high heels or skirts, practice wearing these in your home so you can master the art of walking in pumps or crossing your legs in a lady-like fashion before going out into the real world. It's important to be comfortable, confident and not fidget. Classy women don't constantly fidget with their outfits, always adjusting a belt, or taking off a pair of heels because they are too tight. You want to make sure that whatever you wear is comfortable regardless of current fashion trends. On that note, it isn't important to embrace all of the latest trends. Being a classy woman involves coming into your own, developing your own style and owning it.

When I was fresh out of college and started working as an Account Manger with a Telecommunications company, I was still developing my style and perfecting it. Sometimes that may mean that you and your close friends will have very different styles. I was always the 'preppy one' of my group of friends. My outfits were usually more 'prefessional and polished' back then vs. hip and trendy. Many of my friends were working in casual setting so that worked for them. With a small clothing budget, I really tried to make blazers work with jeans on a weeknight and the like to stretch my work and casual wardrobes. These are things that you will also want to think about. Be sure to buy clothing that looks good on you. Make sure a particular style suits your body type and highlights your best features and minimizes your least favorite.

My rule is always quality over quantity. Buying several pairs of discounted shoes that are not as well constructed will never beat out one really great pair of quality, leather shoes that can be worn for many years to come, as the chosen style is one that would stay consistent. Think about clothing pieces as investments, for fun, trendy pieces you can afford to spend a lot less as they won't be worn for years to come. Some investment pieces are a few great pairs of jeans that flatter, a great pair of black pumps, a well-fitting coat, quality v-neck and crew neck t-shirts, button down dress shirts, especially a couple in white as well as a great fitting pair of black dress pants and own at least one great suit for interviews and important events if that is not your required day-to-day attire.

Be sure to get a great haircut that suits your face shape and is easy to manage. Coloring or highlighting is up to you, just make sure it looks really natural. Wearing makeup that won't break the bank is always a good idea and make sure the colors suit your skin tone also. Maintain your nails and overall appearance in a way that says, 'neat, clean, and well put together'. You never want to look frumpy or unkempt. Classy women make the effort, they care about themselves and their health too. A classy woman eats well, gets enough sleep and exercises to keep her energy levels up and maintain a healthy physique too.

Lindsey, you may want to start first with mastering manners and etiquette and incorporating new items into your wardrobe if necessary. It may mean thinking about the way you approach your day, what your attitude is like, or perhaps thinking back to previous events or social engagement and what you may like to improve upon. You don't want to beat yourself up, but just really think about some of these things and determine what you were happy with and where you wish to improve.

On your journey to becoming a more classy lady you will learn that it takes time, patience, effort, grace, and consistency. Nobody will do everything perfectly, so just do your best and know that each new day you are moving forward into the woman that you really want to be.

I hope this answers some of your questions, being a more classy woman is a big topic to cover, which is I wrote a book about it and why I dedicated a whole blog to it! It is my hope that your questions will help other women who have been raised in a similar environment that may want to break forth and transform themselves too.

Have a great week!

As always, if anyone has a reader request for me to answer, please e-mail me. You can find a little envelope in my side bar that you can click to send a message and I'd love to hear from you!

Reader Request: E-mail Etiquette

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Today's reader request is an anonymous one. It comes from a personal acquaintance who asked me not to share her name. It was sparked by a recent e-mail that she had received from an upset family member. Based on the way the e-mail was written and the fact that so many of us communicate via e-mail vs. the telephone, she asked me if I would write a post on e-mail etiquette.

We all spend a lot of time e-mailing and for many it has become the preferred method of communication. E-mail saves time and often avoids needless chatter in order to be more productive. However, it also is the cause of a lot of grief for many people as e-mail messages can be misconstrued, improperly conveyed or downright rude.

Here are a 12 rules to abide by when e-mailing your colleagues, clients,  friends and family:

E-MAIL ETIQUETTE

1. Never E-mail Using All CAPS- This is read as 'yelling' and is considered very rude.  Treat an e-mail in the same way you would an actual letter. I thought everyone knew this one but I still get emails like this and it's usually just laziness, the person sending it couldn't be bothered to take the caps lock off.

2. Avoid Spamming- Don't spam people that don't know you very well with your "forward messages", be very selective about who you send these to if anyone at all.  What may be important and interesting to you may be incredibly annoying to someone else.

3. Don't 'Reply-all'- If you find yourself receiving an email and you would like to reply; do not reply to a group by hitting the 'reply all' button, rather reply to the individual sender only. This will save embarrassment on both ends and will not annoy all the other recipients or clog up their inbox. What starts off as one e-mail about a particular topic can easily turn into 20 if you get enough people fired up. This often happens with political or highly opinionated e-mails.

4. Say Their Name- When e-mailing anyone, it is considered disrespectful to begin an email without addressing the person you are writing to. If you are replying to a note, that is more acceptable, but addressing the person first by their name is proper. However that first initiated email must be addressed to whom you are sending it. It cannot begin with 'hi', 'hey' or your e-mail content right off the bat. Think of it as a phone call or conversation, you would say hello first before jumping to what you want to tell or ask the other person.

5. Use a Title- Always put a subject in the "subject" line so that the recipients can determine which e-mails to read first. Believe it or not, your e-mail may not be at the top of their 'importance' list. Other pressing e-mail may need to be attended to first so it's best to list it as 'low priority' and include a brief subject such as 'hi' or 'let's catch up!'. Avoid listing an e-mail as high priority unless it is in fact of the utmost importance to the recipient (not you).

6. Use Proper Spelling and Grammar!  With spell check and online dictionaries available today, there is absolutely no excuse for incorrect spelling and poor grammar. It just looks really unprofessional and sloppy regardless of who you are sending it to.

7. Do NOT Forward Chain letters, Junk mail or Warnings-This is annoying to anyone receiving it and a huge time waster! Many of these 'forwarded' emails could potentially contain viruses also, which I can assure your friends, family and colleagues will not appreciate.

8. Privacy is Appreciated- Use the 'Bcc' blind carbon copy feature to send a message to a large group of people who don't necessarily know each other. It protects their email information from others that may not know them and they'll appreciate your discretion too.

9. Use Proper Sentence Structure- Don't lump every sentence into one large paragraph, this is very difficult to read. Treat it as you would any other letter you would write. Make it easy to read. I have a friend who is notorious e-mailing me one really large paragraph which takes more time to read and reply to when wanting to comment or answer questions that were posed.

10. Signing Off- Use a signature that includes your contact information. This is most important with colleagues and or clients so they can easily get in touch with you. I know many people that use this format in their personal e-mail too and I find it helpful. Often they include their address or telephone number and it keeps me from having to look it up, when I need it.

11. Don't Be Confrontational- An e-mail should NEVER be the chosen format of communication when your emotions are running high and you are angry or frustrated with someone. You're liable to write something that you'll regret and can't take back, this is also the fastest way to start a fight.

What's worse is your poorly chosen words and angry 'rant' might then be forwarded to others to read. Regardless of the situation or how badly someone has hurt you, it is best to take some time to cool off, gather your thoughts, write them down and plan out how you'd like to communicate your message in the form of a phone call or face-to-face meeting. It's also never a good time to leave a voicemail message.

The people in your life deserve more than an e-mail and it is considered to be quite rude to send such e-mails to vent and get your point across.

12. Double Check-Take a moment to double check the recipients in your e-mail. Many people I know have sent out an e-mail to the wrong person. This is easy to do if you're typing in the first few letters of the person's name or email. Quite often another name will pop up. I've had this happen twice and both were completely harmless, one actually made it to my hair stylist in error. lol. You never know what information you may providing to the wrong people. Just be careful.

It goes without saying that anything that is confidential, private information should never be shared via e-mail. Personal bank account information, social security numbers and medical history should be avoided by e-mail. This way you can save yourself a lot of hassle and potentially even identity theft.

Want more etiquette posts? Here are a few more:

Cell Phone Etiquette

Restaurant Tipping Etiquette

Etiquette for Hosting House Guests

Re-gifting Etiquette

Have you had any personal experiences with those that are unaware of e-mail etiquette? Share with us, you can always leave an anonymous response.