Eight Great Book Recommendations

From time to time over the past several years I've received emails from my blog readers asking about books I would recommend on a particular topic-be it fashion, entertaining, etiquette or inspirational. While I've replied to those messages personally with my timeless favorites, I thought I'd share a few of them here today since Fall is a great time for curling up with some hot cocoa and getting lost in a new book. A few of the best I've read have actually been recommended to me or gifted to me by others.

Anyone who knows me well knows that I'm not (nor have I ever been) interested in romance novels or science fiction books. However, I can be found immersing myself in all things self-improvement, home decor-related adding a little bit of fashion for good measure. As a woman in my young 20's, I'd sometimes go to my favorite large chain book store and enjoy a hot tea while browsing through magazines and books. A couple of my friends who would often join would wonder why I wanted to read books on self-improvement (it was not their genre of choice) and one even commented to me, "Isn't this all pretty obvious stuff? Why do you want to waste your time reading it?" Well, apparently it isn't quite so obvious because there is a very large market (not to mention section of the book store) dedicated to exactly that! ;) I think what we enjoy reading actually says a lot about us and what is important to us in our life. I tend to gravitate towards how-to's and learning new ways to become a better person and if you're also committed to personal growth and enjoy a good book, I hope you'll enjoy the suggestions I'm sharing below.

1. Harper's Bazaar Great Style (Classy Fashion)

2. The Reluctant Entertainer (Home Entertaining)

3. Paris in Color  (Photography/Travel)

4. Young House Love  (Decorating/ DIY Projects)

5. Emily Post's Etiquette ~18th Edition (Manners & Etiquette)

6. Unstoppable (Inspirational)

7. The Purpose Driven Life (Spiritual)

8. Real Simple Solutions (Organizing & Keeping House)

Each one of these 8 books are in my personal collection and what I love about all of them is that they are the kind you can go back to and reference time and time again, re-read, share and enjoy. They are perfect for yourself or as a gift! I grouped the first four together because not only do they have wonderful content but their covers are also so colorful and beautiful which are perfect to adorn any coffee table, making for a great decorative accessory. These first four are also a bit more light-hearted and therefore reside in my living room on end tables and coffee table shelving. The last four are a bit more in-depth reads and are thought-provoking by nature (specifically 5-7).

1. Harper's Bazaar-Great Style- This timeless guide offers a look at different types of attire broken down by category and provides a variety of ways to finish an outfit and even selects wardrobe essentials by age. It has just the right amount of text balanced with photos and is a great reference for women of all ages. Although this book was publishes a few years ago, the fashion is still relevant today as the focus is on classic pieces. I have read as well as flipped through many books on style and fashion and this is by far a more in-depth overview of the essentials vs. current trends that will become outdated in months and years to come.

2. The Reluctant Entertainer- Sandy, the Author, focus on the heart of entertaining, that it need not be perfect (an area I have always struggled with as it pertains to entertaining) but rather, inviting and uncomplicated. She also shares some of her family's favorite recipes that you'll actually want to make along with many fabulous photos that will have you rethinking the way you entertain or inspire you to try it out if you tend to avoid it.

3. Paris in Color - This book transports you to a world of Parisian lifestyle shown through a collection of photographs grouped by hue. Whether you've always dreamed of going to Paris or it holds special memories for you like it does for me (hubby and I became engaged there), it a beautiful book that is sure to be a conversation piece when left out as a coffee table book.

4. Young House Love- This married duo won me over when I began reading their witty blog 5 years ago. They turned their love for DIY and home renovations into a family blogging affair which led to their first book. What I enjoy most is that their projects are unique ideas I haven't seen anywhere else and many can be accomplished in a few hours or a weekend with big impact.

5. Emily Post's Etiquette- This is the quintessential bible of Etiquette. Filled with the proper protocol for an array of dilemmas, this is a go-to on all things manners and etiquette related. While there are several books written on the topic, most, including myself, regard Emily Post as being the queen of etiquette advice.

6. Unstoppable- Because we all need inspiration and encouragement from time to time, this book has been a wonderful resource during discouraging moments. It is filled with not only 45 powerful stories of those who overcame in a great way, but it also a guide to learning how to persevere and triumph in all areas of your life. This book was a gift given to me by my father a decade ago and I still find myself gravitating towards it.

7. The Purpose Driven Life-This is one of the best books I've ever read. It's the kind of book that you'll want to as a gift for any friend or family member in your life. If you've ever felt stuck, frustrated or wondering what the purpose of life is or why you are here on earth, this book reveals why we all exist and how to discover our God-given purpose so that we might live a fulfilling and meaningful life.

8. Real Simple Solutions- I think this is the type of book that would appeal to everyone because it's filled with loads of everyday tips, ideas, tricks and solutions to dilemmas we experience every day and who doesn't want to make life easier. It covers genius ideas from beauty, decorating, entertaining and celebrating to organizing, cooking and cleaning. Essentially, it covers every facet of your life and how to keep it simplified. It's filled with lots of great images and how-to photos that you can implement into your every day life.

What are some of your all-time favorite books within these categories?

Thanks for Reading!

XO





*image source: (1)

**This was a sponsored post however all thoughts and opinions are my own.

Manners Monday: 10 Gentle Reminders

Happy Canada Day to my Canadian friends!  I'm wearing red & white today and celebrating with you in spirit. :) Happy Monday to everyone else.

While most of our Manners Monday posts are very specific in topic, today's post is short and sweet including 10 Gentle Reminders on manners and what every classy woman should be mindful of. I did not create this list but thought it was worth sharing with you all. It was created by Kate Spade, Fashion Designer of ladylike, classic women's apparel and accessories.

I hope you have a wonderful day!

XO

Manners Monday: Smoking Etiquette

Let me begin by telling you that I do not smoke and never have. The very smell alone of a lit cigarette or stale smoke smell from those sitting in an ashtray makes me nauseous. Hubby and both happen to be allergic to cigarette smoke too so we really try to avoid it at all costs, going the extra mile to ensure we won't be exposed to it. Thankfully, nearly all of my friends and family are also non-smokers.

Even with all of the education today about how smoking negatively affects one's health (not to mention the deterioration of one's physical appearance) there are many that are still highly addicted and desperately want to quit and those who have no desire to stop at all. While many will argue that they aren't hurting anyone around them, the truth is that second-hand and even third-hand smoke are both deadly. For a non-smoker, I find it the ultimate  lack of respect for another human being when someone chooses to light up around others who don't care for it, usually unsuspecting nearby restaurant patrons, strangers, etc.

This post today is for those that fall into the smoking category, while I don't support this habit in any way, there is some etiquette to consider to ensure that you aren't upsetting or harming any innocent bystanders around you. A lady is always considerate of the air space of those around her.

1. Never Smoke while Pregnant- In this case, the innocent one is your unborn child who is most at risk. Babies exposed to smoke often have a much lower birth weight, premature delivery and other health problems down the road including asthma and even death.

2. Avoid Smoking near Pregnant Women & Children- It is not only rude but unacceptable to smoke in the presence of a baby, children, the elderly or expectant mothers. It's not appropriate to smoke in the company of anyone who does not smoke themselves. Excuse yourself from your current location and move outdoors to an area where there is nobody within view who could be inhaling the cigarette smoke.

3. Poor Locations to Smoke- Not only is it important to know who not to smoke around, but also what areas do not permit smoking. Typically most airports have a safe distance around the doors that does not allow for smoking. Even if a sign does not indicate it, never smoke near an open window, or doorway as the smoke will get sucked in like a vacuum while the doors open and close.

4. Always Ask Permission- When in the company of new business associates or any other adult that you've never met before, always ask permission if you plan to smoke before lighting up. If the majority of those around you do not smoke, for goodness sake, don't subject them to it! Instead let them know that you respect their health too much to smoke in front of them and step outside instead. If the majority of those in your presence also smoke themselves, be careful to only do so once everyone has finished eating every course of their meal. Smoking while others are eating is a quick way to ruin someone's meal and cause them to never want to dine with you again.

5. Extinguishing a Cigarette- It is only considerate to use an ashtray while dining outdoors or elsewhere where you'll be sitting. While standing, be mindful of where you're letting your ashes drop. When you are finished, do not let the butt fall to the ground and step on it leaving it there as many often do. Tap out the ashes or squish it if you must but be sure to put it into a public ashtray receptacle or into the trash, never leave it on the ground. We find cigarette butts on our lawn every now and then from those walking by, it's very disrespectful and is no different than any other type of litter.

As it pertains to herself, a lady knows the risk that smoking has on both her overall health as well as her reproductive system specifically and weighs the harmful effects and risk before even taking up such a habit.

I'd love to hear from you, if you have any specific tips as either a smoker or non-smoker, I'd love for you to share them in the comments below to help encourage a cleaner, safer environment for everyone.

Thanks for Reading!

XO



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Manners Monday: Tipping Etiquette

I hope everyone had a fabulous weekend and enjoyed the extra hour of sleep (or time spent anyway you pleased). Today's Manners Monday post was actually prompted by a reader, Amber Y., who wrote me a message on my Facebook wall last week and requested more information on how much to tip for various services (things that go beyond just restaurant tips).

Every classy woman should be armed with the knowledge of what to tip and when. So, today we'll explore various venues and general amounts that are appropriate as it pertains to everyday tipping etiquette in North America. We'll explore international tipping as well as holiday tipping at a later date so this post doesn't become insanely long. ;)

Everyday Tipping Etiquette 

Restaurant Services:

1.  Host or Maitre d'- $10-$20 if they have gone above and beyond to provide you with a special table with a view, in a particular location of the restaurant, for a special evening or occasion or on a busy night. Nothing is required if they offer the standard of greeting and showing you to your table.

2. Restaurant Server (full service/sit down)- 15-20% is customary, the higher amount showing that you were quite pleased with the service, atmosphere and food. Tipping percentages are based on the before tax amount (there is no need to tip on top of tax). If an automatic gratuity is built into your check, you are not required to provide anything further, it is optional to tip on top of the amount included which is typically 18% for upscale restaurants and is typical when dining as a party of 6 or more.

3. Restaurant Server (basic service/buffet)-10% is customary before tax since these servers are generally replenishing drinks and clearing plates vs. taking full orders, specific requests and serving you multiple courses of your meal. 

4. Take Out- 10% is optional if the order was large or complex, otherwise you are not obligated.

5. Curb-side pickup-Same rules apply as take-out, they'll bring it out to your car.

6. Home Delivery Service-10-15% of the bill is sufficient. Usually $2-5 dollars for pizza delivery depending on the size of the order and how difficult it is to get to the location is standard. (Think long country roads in the snow at night)

7. Bartender-$1-$2 on a per drink basis or 15-20% of the final tab

8. Tip Jar- Optional. Many people feel obligated to leave a tip when they see a tip jar but it's set up for Baristas at cafes, dry cleaners, etc. Anything is acceptable and is shared among the staff.

9. Valet- $2-$5 is customary upon the return of your car.

10. Restroom Attendant- Anywhere from 50 cents to $3.00 depending on the service offered. Such attendants usually supply paper towels, lotion, feminine products, mouthwash etc inside the restroom of upscale restrooms, special events and clubs for your convenience. You can simply avoid the extra service by not using any products and simply saying, "No, Thank you." 

Salon & Spa Services:

1. Hair Stylist- 15-20% for hair cuts, color, highlights & updos. If you're service pertains to your wedding day and you feel more is appropriate, your stylist will be grateful for the extra. *Please note that if you cannot afford such a tip on top of the cost of a pricier salon, you may want to receive your services elsewhere or stretch out the time between visits. Know what the cost is going in and calculate the tip so there are no surprises and yours stylist gets what they deserve.

If you have one person that provides the cut and another the color or shampoo, be sure to either pay each person individually in cash or indicate on the receipt who gets what amount if paying by credit card. Many used to follow the rule of not tipping the owner who provides the service, modern etiquette recommends otherwise-tip no matter what as they are still providing good service to you.

2. Special Shampoo service-$2-$5 is the average for those who provide your shampooing service. If they are gentle, avoid splashing water on your face, use products that stimulate the scalp and most importantly provide a wonderful scalp and neck massage, do tip them! They'll remember the next time you come back and you'll be sure to get a relaxing shampoo experience again.

3. Manicurist-15-20% is the standard for all nail treatments for manicure and pedicure. Extra credit goes to those who give a relaxing forearm and hand massage or foot and calf massage for more than just 2 minutes. If they provided something extra or did an ultra amazing job on the polish   20% or more should be given.

4. Massage Therapist-15-20% can be given for massages although be aware that some therapeutic massage establishments actually frown upon tipping (make sure you ask ahead of time when you make the reservation). If you are receiving treatment after a car accident or injury and the massage is being billed via insurance or you are being reimbursed, use your discretion on tipping in such cases as it is more about body restoration than relaxation.

5. Waxing services- Again, 15-20% as it is a salon service.

6. Makeup Application- Anywhere from 10-20% tip. If they take a few minutes to show you how to apply eye shadow like a pro or provide tips for you on how to get a more dewy look (or whatever questions you may have or that they feel they want to share), tip them accordingly. 

Hotel & Travel Services:


1. Door Man- $1-$4 for carrying luggage or anything that involves them going out of their way for you and is not in their description. $1-2 is recommended for hailing a cab for you.

2. Bell Hop-$2 for the first bag and $1 for each additional bag thereafter. For each additional service (such as room delivery), tip $2-3.

3. Housekeeping- $2-5 per day depending on the level of service. Always include a hand written note that thanks the housekeeper and indicates it's for them. It's best to do this on a daily basis as you may likely have a different person each day.

4. Concierge-$5-10 if they got restaurant reservations of special tickets for you. Add an extra $5 if the tickets or reservations were hard to come by. Of course, you need not feel obligated to tip for having them answer a few questions for you.

5. Taxi Driver-A minimum of $1 for very short rides, 15-20% of the cab fare. If they are assisting your with luggage/bags, add $2 for the first bag and $1 for each thereafter.

6. Sky Cap (air travel) -This is a specialty service for air travelers to make life easier, $2 for the first bag and $1 for each bag thereafter (as with other venues) is appropriate.



Tips on Tipping:

It's important to remember that tipping is a personal gesture and at the discretion of the giver, while guidelines are set, if you have been extremely disappointed by someone's service provided or delighted when someone has gone above and beyond, your tip should reflect. A lady knows that certain things are done in private and the act of tipping is no exception. Tipping should be done discreetly, it was never intended to be an opportunity to appear as the big spender nor should you compare amounts with others, everyone's experience is different. Also, be mindful that for many in the service industry, their tips are the bulk of their income as hourly compensation can often be meager and as such tips are always greatly appreciated.

Today, it seems that even when someone has experienced horrific service, many feel compelled to leave the standard 15%. In such cases, it's best to speak to management and make them aware of the issue (without causing a scene or fuss of any sort), only then can they help correct what you were displeased with and speak to the person in question. It is considered poor taste to leave pocket change or nothing at all upon receiving services, especially within a restaurant environment, for poor service a tip of 10% of the check's total should be the absolute minimum. Other members of the restaurant are often affected (in many restaurants bus boys, dishwashers, food prep and chef receive a portion of the server's tip and they should not be penalized in the process).

***A note on gift certificates and Groupon or group coupon deals. Even if your gift certificate covers a large portion of your meal or spa service, tipping is always made on the full value of the services or meal before tax and not on the portion that remains after your gift card.

Have you had someone provide exemplary services and have re-warded them as such for their thoughtfulness and/or skill? I'd love to hear what they did to make you so happy, please share the positive vibes in the comments section! :)

Thank you for reading!

XO






*image credit

Manners Monday: Airplane Etiquette

I know that some of you are probably traveling with your children during their spring break vacation. So, in the spirit of spring break, I thought it would be appropriate to post about travel etiquette, in particular airplane etiquette as many fly during this time of the year towards warmer weather.

Here are a list of essential etiquette tips to be mindful of while flying to make both yours and the other passengers' flight more enjoyable:

Boarding the Plane

Every airline is a bit different in how they board passengers. Generally there are sections whereby they call specific rows up, allowing first class passengers to board first then families with small children and the elderly. It's important to go up only once your section has been called as to keep things flowing smoothly. If your section was already called upon before you arrived to the gate, it is usually okay to board but ask the gate attendant before doing so. Be careful to keep a healthy distance between you and the person in front of you as to not clip the heels of the person in front of you with rolling carry-on luggage.

Carry-on bags & Overhead Storage

The greatest challenge with carry-on bags is making it through the aisle carefully as to not bump others who are already seated as well as those in front of you when they stop suddenly. The best way to do avoid this is by rolling your bag forward straight in front of you or if carrying a shoulder bag, do so in front of you vs. on your shoulder where it is likely to hit someone in the head. I often lift and carry my rolling carry-on bag in front of me to be the most efficient and avoid hurting others. Once you become seated, be sure to keep your arms and legs within your row as to not get bumps and bruises by others who will likely be paying less attention.

Keep a distance of 3 feet while walking down the aisle. Those walking ahead will need to stow their baggage overhead and may need to have a middle or aisle seat passenger step out into the aisle so that they can get into a middle or window seat, they'll need some extra space.

Once you reach your seat, place your bag into the overhead compartment next to other existing bags, being careful to not shove it in with force as others may have stowed fragile items above. If you have a secondary bag such as a laptop bag, large handbag, etc., store it under the seat in front of you. Also make sure that you have everything that you'll likely need from your carry-on bag to place into the secondary bag for your flight (this is best done while waiting at the gate before getting onto the plane) as it will limit your need to get out of your seat for things you suddenly realize you want. Such items would include: books, magazines, iPod, notebook & pen, gum/mints, tissues, earplugs, eye mask, prescription medication or vitamins.

Getting Seated

From time to time while flying you may be approached by another passenger asking to switch seats with you. It is your seat to do as you wish with, so if you are happy with where you've been assigned, the polite thing to say to turn the other passenger down gently would be, "I'm sorry, but I'd really prefer to stay in this seat". If you're not partial to your seat, it would be a kind gesture especially if you're traveling alone and it would allow a couple or parent and child to sit together, particularly for longer flights.

If you are the one who would like to switch seats with someone or move to an unoccupied seat, be sure to wait until all other passengers have boarded the plane which is signified by the airplane door being closed. If you are unsure about a seat, it's best to ask a flight attendant. If another passenger turns down your request to switch, thank them kindly and quickly move back to your original seat, be sure to excuse yourself if you have move past other passengers in your row.

Your seat is yours to recline but it's best to only do so after you're given the okay to no longer be in the upright position during take off. Inch your seat back carefully as to not hit the knees of someone behind you. It's always polite to let the passenger behind know that you intend to recline the seat a bit. Try to avoid doing this while meals are served as tray tables will be down and space will be limited as is.


Making Conversation with Passengers

One of the things I've always loved about flying is the uninterrupted (for the most part) reading or resting time. It doesn't always work out that way though. You may not be in the mood to chat with fellow passengers in your row and that is precisely when someone wants to strike up a conversation.

Always be polite and smile, however if you want to keep the conversation short, it's best to let them know that you've enjoyed chatting with them and then let them know you'd like to spend the flight time reading, sleeping or working. Thank them for understanding. Chatting is a kind and friendly gesture that makes those around you feel comfortable but be careful if you are beginning the conversation that you don't infringe on their personal time.  On the flip side, I've also spent many short flights with lovely people that have fascinating stories that I can remember to this day so if you're up for it, it's a great way to pass the flight time!


Children In-Flight

If you are a parent traveling with a baby or small child you will want to do everything you can to ensure that your precious one is not disturbing other passengers. Planning is key before the flight so items like coloring books and crayons, small toys, stickers and snacks that they love will help along the way. If they kick the seat in front of them, be sure to apologize and if the child is old enough, have them also apologize and try to have them refrain from doing it again. Try to feed and change a baby immediately before boarding if possible to avoid crying and more work for you on the plane.

If you are the passenger sitting near a child that is kicking your seating or throwing small items like candy your way (I've been there before), politely let the parent know that you realize they may be unaware, but their child has been making the flight uncomfortable for you. By carrying earplugs or listening to music, it will help drown out any excess noise if you are in a noisy area and there are no available seats to move to instead. Try to remind yourself that while an inconvenience, the flight is a few hours and not forever, try to make the best of the situations. If things do become unbearable though, it is entirely appropriate to seek the help of a flight attendant.

Other Important Tips

~Refrain from using anything with a strong scent, including fast food or food with garlic. Keep perfume etiquette in mind and it's best to avoid highly fragranced lotions and other items on a plane as it is an enclosed space which could trigger allergies in some. Likewise, the use of permanent markers like sharpies or nail polish are absolutely a no-no while on a plane as they are toxic. Hygiene is important, clean clothes and showering the day of your flight is a must, your fellow passengers will thank you!

~Be understanding if a passenger in your row repeatedly asks you to get up to let them out. You never know if someone has a medical condition, feels under the weather or just drank a lot of liquids before boarding the plane. Be gracious and kind as you might be on the asking end one day. If you are seated in an aisle seat, it might be easiest to switch spots with that passenger.

~Keep all items and reading materials you're using in your own space, avoid having it spill out onto the seat next to you.

~Don't be nosy, avoid reading over someone else's shoulder, or watching someone else's in-seat TV screen from your seat instead of  your own, it's best to keep to yourself and allow others privacy.

~Like libraries, airplanes should be a quiet environment. Keep talking volume down to a minimum as to not disturb others. If you are traveling with a child, be sure they keep video games and talking to a quiet level also.

~If you need to get up to use the restroom, don't hesitate to ask the passenger next to you so they can let you out.  If someone is sleeping, do it gently by saying "excuse me" and if necessary lightly tapping them on the arm.

~Avoid spending too much time in the lavatory to keep others from waiting. It's not the place for applying full makeup or anything that requires a lengthy stay. A full freshening up can always be done after landing in a much more comfortable sized restroom in the airport. After using it, be sure to leave it the same way if not neater than how you found it.

I hope you found these tips helpful. Many find traveling exhilarating while others find it stressful. Either way, being prepared and aware of what to expect is key!

Speaking of being prepared, here are some items that you don't want to leave home without on your next trip!

Is anyone going to be flying soon? If so, where are you headed to?




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Manners Monday: Knowing Names

If you follow me on Facebook, you'll remember I mentioned last week that I would  be writing another manners Monday post based on recent personal experiences just like last Monday's post about speaking in another language in front of others. Today's post is all about names.

Ever since I was a little girl, people have wanted to spell my name with a "C". I suppose it's the more common spelling. For as long as I can remember, when someone was taking down my name, I've had to say "Karla with a 'K' ".  To this day I still receive mail with my name spelled incorrectly. When it's mail from a stranger or the result of mass mailing I don't think twice about it but when acquaintances do not take the time to spell my name correctly, especially in the case of social media outlets like Facebook or Twitter which have a name listed on the very page, it comes across as lazy and that they couldn't be bothered, which is really no different than sending a document without having spell checked it first.

In certain situations you might meet someone at a conference or event that you've never met before and aren't sure of the pronunciation for their name. There's nothing wrong with asking, in fact it shows interest in the other person and that you care so they won't be offended but rather will appreciate your efforts.

A month ago, after I began my training with my new company, I was introduced to a few people I'd be working closely with. I was careful to try to remember their names and in one case a young lady named 'Andrea' had me wondering whether she was 'An-dree-a' or 'Ahn-dray-a', since she never actually introduced herself to me, she just focused on the training. I learned it was the latter and was glad I had asked. She said she'll answer to either and isn't picky but I know some people can be and I wanted to make a good impression and make her feel comfortable.

Whenever you can, take the extra five seconds and confirm the spelling if you're not 100% sure. Knowing someones name and the proper spelling as well as pronunciation makes people feel good. Everyone likes to be addressed by their proper name.

Likewise, it's equally important to call someone by name when you see them. The old, "Hey, good to see you. How are you?" can always get you out of a bind but if this is your standard greeting every time you bump into the same person, it will be obvious you don't know their name. Take the time and ask by saying, "I'm so sorry, I've forgotten your name. Can you please remind me what it is?". They'll be happy to tell you what it is. Be sure to associate their name with something you'll remember or they might be insulted the next time you meet if you still cannot remember their name. I've been guilty of the 'Hi! It's so good to see you again!' when I've forgotten someones name. Remembering names has not been my forte so if I'm at a friend's party or with my hubby, I'll quietly ask for the name if I can before having to ask the person in question directly.

Being called by the wrong name has actually happened to me a lot this past month as I've met over 50 new colleagues. I've been mistaken for another new blond colleague multiple times, one time I was handed her paycheck in error and had to remind the person who gave it to me that I was not 'Holly'. Other times, they've asked me to remind them of my name. I try to make it easy for others by telling them, "It's Karla, just think of cars" since that's the industry that I'm now apart of. This seems to have worked well. I remember watching The Bachelor a few seasons ago and sweet little Tenley Molzahn was sure to not get forgotten in the crowd by telling Jake her name was 'Tenley, like the number ten'. So, if this happens to you a lot, you might want to liken your name to something others will remember or provide a shortened version that is easier if you're first name is really long.

Whenever I leave a comment for a blogger, a new acquaintance or even meet a new colleague, I try to be mindful of remembering their name and using the proper spelling. Sometimes in the case of blogs, the author's name isn't listed, so just begin with, "Hello" or use their blog name instead.

What are your thoughts on names? Do you have a name that also gets misspelled or mispronounced?



*images: google

Manners Monday: Avoid Speaking Another Language in Front of Others

I hope you all had a great weekend, I'm picking up the Manners Monday series once again and I have several topics in the queue. Today's topic was prompted by my own personal experience this summer. It's one that many probably don't think twice about but it's good to be mindful of.

A classy woman is warm and makes others feel welcome, doing her best to include others and make them feel included when in conversation or in her presence. Everyone likes to feel as though they are part of the group, whether they are conversing with others or just listening as they may not have anything particular to contribute. One way to make everyone feel comfortable is to avoid using native languages that are foreign to others in the group, it's just good social etiquette.

I live in Florida so many people in the state speak Spanish. While I've picked up a few words here and there, I'm far from being able to carry on a full conversation. A few weeks ago a group of us went out for dinner after church. Because of the size of our group, we waited in the waiting area of the restaurant for ten minutes for our table to be ready and others to join us. A friend that I had driven over with and one of her other friends are both originally from Puerto Rico so they are fluent in Spanish although they both typically speak English the majority of the time.

We all chatted for a bit in English and then the two of them began having a separate conversation in Spanish for a few minutes including some laughter. I knew they hadn't seen one another for a few days but I couldn't help but feel left out. I wondered what they were talking about but just sat quietly waiting  for them to finish. The other woman looked over and noticed that I was looking around the room and said, "I hope you don't mind that we're speaking Spanish". Of course I just smiled and said, "No, it's okay". To me this is the equivalent of whispering in front of others in the group which is equally impolite.

On the flip side, my hubby and I were on a cruise last Christmas and had the pleasure of dining with six others every evening. I love meeting new people and making new friends on vacation. To my surprise everyone at the table spoke Spanish, it was an older couple from Uruguay and another couple with children in their early 20's from Mexico City. I was so glad to have their children sitting next to us as they, although young, were mindful of  the language barrier and had enough courtesy to do some translating to make us feel welcome as they were bilingual. We all became friends over those 14 days and actually looked forward to seeing them each night. That is the difference between making others feel invited vs.excluded.

Funny enough, this week I was attending a work meeting where it was stressed to those that speak a second language to not carry on conversations with their colleagues in front of customers other than in English as it can alienate others. Certain languages such as Cantonese for example have a unique sound that to others could be perceived as yelling or sound angry due to the nature of the tone of the language.

Obviously if someone were in an elevator or around complete strangers, it's acceptable. However, in the presence of others whom you know or are getting to know, the best thing to do is speak in a language you all understand. If something is urgent and you really need to speak in your own native language, it's best to take it to the ladies room or excuse yourself from the group as you would while taking a cell phone call and head outside or to another room.

I've observed situations where others appeared to be excluded from a group for one reason or another and they've whipped out their iPhone and started texting someone or checking their email or facebook page as a way to occupy themselves. However, I don't believe in responding to another's inconsiderate behavior with more inconsiderate behavior. I typically sit tight and and wait patiently or excuse myself to find someone else in the room to speak with instead.

How do YOU handle situations where others speak in another language in front of you when they are capable of speaking English (or your primary language)?

Manners Monday: Wedding Thank You Cards

Today's Manner's Monday post is an answer to a reader's question that I received last week. Susan J. from New Mexico asked me this question as it pertains to wedding thank you notes.

"I'm getting married in October and trying to research as much as I can. After our wedding day is over I don't really have any idea when I should begin sending out the thank you notes to our guests. I tried to google for the answer but I've seen a few different suggestions. I want to hear what you believe the right timing is. Thank you! Susan"

Thank you Susan for writing in with your question! I think people have heard a range of answers about this topic. Some say within 3 months, others say you have up to 6 months. How long your honeymoon will be and other factors such as if you are moving immediately after your wedding day will help determine the answer.

I always believe it's best to stay on top of it and get those thank you notes out sooner vs. later. It's easy to get caught up with day-to-day things like work, settling into a new home and forget or let it pile up on you. For someone who is taking a long honeymoon such as 2-3 weeks, 1 month is not reasonable, although it may work for a couple that spend one week away and want to tie up the loose ends of their wedding. The optimal time is anything within 3 months from your wedding date. Any time after that and guests will be thinking you've forgotten them or that you may not have received their gift at all! It's better to exceed your guests expectations by sending the notes as soon as you can.

Another factor is wedding photography. Brides used to wait months to get their photos back from their Photographer, but in this day of digital you should have your photos in a few weeks, having the necessary amount printed to be enclosed with your thank you note if you so desire. It took 3 months for my hubby and I to receive the photos from my Canadian photographer as she shot our photos manually and put together 2 albums for us. I knew waiting for them was not an option and I didn't 'love' any of the photos friends took enought to use them inside our cards. I didn't want to break etiquette and keep my guests wondering so I mailed ours out at the two month mark as we were honeymooning for two weeks then moving me down to FL afterwards. Photos are always appreciated and a nice keepsake of your big day but are not a necessary component of the thank you note, it is about personal preference. The thank you notes however are absolutely essential!

Enjoy your special day Susan! If you write a few thank you notes each day, I think you'll find that it's less overwhelming and they'll be done before you know it!

Manners Monday: Mixing Business with Dining

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Last week's Manners Monday post was all about proper table settings with Part 1 of this three-part series offering tips for everyday table etiquette. For the final installment of the series, today we'll be discussing what to do when mixing business with dining.

Now, I realize that not all of you are wining and dining clients everyday or have power lunches on the agenda, but I think it is an important aspect of dining that everyone should review. You never know when your blog might suddenly take off and you might be invited to meet someone lovely about a big opportunity. Perhaps you're job hunting (as many are right now) and an interested company wants to meet with you over lunch. That is precisely the time that some will begin to panic.

Several years ago I worked as an Account Executive for both software and telecommunications companies. Dining with clients and closing deals over lunch was not at all uncommon, but I'll admit they were not nearly as comfortable as dining with my good friends. In many cases they can actually be downright uncomfortable as male company owners can sometimes have their own agenda as it pertains to women. Be confident and beware. Some of these tips are things you may not have thought of and carry through into your personal dining life as well, I hope you find them useful.

It can be easy to confuse the actual meal with a genuine job interview, but don't make the mistake of thinking that because you've been invited to dinner and they are picking up the tab that you in fact have the job. On the contrary, this is just the beginning. Remember that while good etiquette won't necessarily guarantee you a position in the company, poor etiquette could cost you the job before the meal is even over.

Before the Meal

1. The Mirror Test- This might sound silly but unless you can say you honestly know what you look like while you eat, you should try this technique. This is similar to videotaping a mock interview with a friend so you can see how you're doing. Be aware of how you chew (hopefully quietly and mouth closed). Do you notice crumbs or splattered food on your top? Do you hold your fork delicately or in your fist like a pitchfork? If you're questioning anything at this point on cutting food, etc., read THIS and THIS. Eating in a polite manner will definitely put you at an advantage.

2. Dress for Success- What you choose to wear to a meal interview speaks volumes about not only your level of maturity an professionalism but also the amount of respect you have for the interviewer. It should be no different than a formal office interview, where making a first impression really counts! Make sure you know ahead of time where you'll be dining and make decisions according to the restaurant's dress code too.Wear what  makes you feel comfortable, confident and has a polished, professional look. Avoid anything that requires you to fidget or is not weather appropriate.

In the company of men, it is even more important to pay attention to what you are wearing, you might get the job offer but could send the wrong message. Classy women don't wear short skirts or other revealing clothing to get ahead.There is nothing wrong with showcasing your feminity but be careful about how you go about it. In an interview situation, a solid, dark-colored power suit and a pair of pumps that convey confidence are far better than ruffles, lace and bold prints.

3. Listen and Learn- Use the time before your meals arrive to ask questions and gain more information about the opportunity and company.  Listen carefully to what is being said and use it to your advantage to sell your strengths. While personal details can be exchanged, remember why you are there in the first place-gathering information arms you with what you need to sell yourself and gain a full perspective of what may later be offered to you.

During the Meal

1. Mind Your Manners- Always be polite when interacting with your server and other staff, you can guarantee that the interviewer will be watching you during these times. Avoid ordering alcohol unless the host does and insists that you do as well, in this case limit yourself to one. A combination of nerves and alcohol could leave the wrong kind of lasting impression.

2. What to Order- Be sure to order something that will be easy to eat, without splashing or using your hands-avoid spaghetti or any kind of shellfish. Shrimp can easily be eaten by cutting the tails off if included in your meal, and scallops are simple enough to eat, these are the only exceptions. If you tend to splash with red sauces or soups, you might want to avoid those. Pizza can be ordered but it needs to be sliced with a fork and knife. Order food that you know you'll enjoy and have eaten before, an interview is never the time to try something new. Don't order the most expensive item(s) off the menu, allow your host to order first if possible. When in doubt, order something simple.

Also, listen for clues that the interviewer may offer such as what on the menu is particularly good or what they plan to order, this will avoid embarrassment. Don't spend too much time with the menu, you don't want to appear indecisive or that making decisions doesn't come easy to you.

3. Table Details- Know what on the table is yours, hopefully you've remembered it from the last post on how to set a table. Mistakenly eating your hosts' dinner roll or drinking their water will make you look ridiculous. When it question remember that bread plates go to the left of your main plate and water as well as other drinks will be to your right. Take small bites so that you'll be able to chew quickly and answer your interviewers questions. Of course, you won't actually begin eating until everyone at the table has been served. In this particular scenario you should NEVER send back food. While you are dining out, the point of the meal is an interview, not the food.

Do not place used flatware on the table at any time as this is poor etiquette and not hygeinic, instead use your bread plate or even your main plate and place your silverware on the edge of the plate on a diagonal with the knife's blade facing you.

4. Resist the Urge- Never re-apply lipstick after the meal,  use pressed powder or even pull out a mirror at the table to check your teeth (whether your host is at the table or not). As with any other dining scenario, your cell phone needs to be turned off. Never smoke or excuse yourself from the table to smoke. Even if you are offered a cigarette after the meal always politely decline. Many employers frown upon smoking in companies so you want to avoid this. Don't ever ask for a 'doggy-bag' or takeaway container. Always order something you can finish at the restaurant, wasting food during an interview will not leave a good impression. Get comfortable with the interviewer but not too comfortable. Divulging very personal details, making jokes or negative comments is never a good idea.

After the Meal

1. When the Bill Arrives- Remember that you are the guest of your host (the interviewer) and that they have invited you as such, it is not appropriate to offer to pay the bill even if it placed in front of you. Never offer to share the cost of the meal or provide a tip. If for any reason at all that IS expected (which goes against manners and etiquette) I would advise you to look for another company to work for!

2. Broccoli in your Teeth- If there is any chance at all that you might have cracked pepper, spinach, broccoli or anything else between your teeth, now is the time to excuse yourself and head to the ladies' room, before carrying on your conversation. (Note: It is always an excellent idea to carry a toothbrush or floss in your purse, especially for the purpose of an interview). You never know what could potentially cost you the job. How you present yourself at all times is a reflection of how you would represent their company.

3. You're Just Not that Into Them-So, what if after the 'interview' you realize you're just not that interested in the position anymore? Be polite and without sharing such details at that time, be sure to follow up with a thank you letter, as you would for any other interview. It can be in the form of an e-mail and should be sent immediately, don't let days pass before doing so. This shows that you are responsible and gives you one more opportunity to highlight some of your best attributes and/or accomplishments as it pertains to the job. If you are interested in the position, be sure to express it in this letter. Remember that in a situation where you are considered equal to another candidate, your thank you letter may stand out and set you apart!

Although in a restaurant setting, the interview and answering questions always takes priority first to eating. So remember that and pay attention, making eye contact as you would when interviewing in a traditional office environment. Many times companies take the "dining out" interview approach as it allows them to learn more about you and how you act outside the office. Perhaps the position calls for the right candidate to meet with clients and vendors, know that they will be testing the waters to make sure that you can hold your own and appear graceful, confident and represent the company well. Remember to use all of the table manners you've learned to date and you will never go wrong.

This wraps up our 3-part series on Dining Etiquette. Have you ever been asked to meet for an interview over breakfast or discuss business over dinner? How did it go? I'd love to hear your personal stories.

Have a wonderful week!

Manners Monday: How to Properly Set a Table

Ladies, forgive me if you stopped by for yesterday's Manners' Monday post and didn't see it. I left it in draft mode and forgot to set it for auto-publish! The past few days have very busy and I've been mostly offline but I wanted to post this today instead of saving it for next week. As promised, we're continuing the topic of Table Etiquette and Part 2 is all about how to properly set a table. With the upcoming holiday season just around the corner (crazy, isn't it?), I thought this would be a relevant post for many of you.

There are two types of table settings: informal and formal. Whether dining out at a restaurant or in another's home or hosting guests in your home, here is what you can expect as well as what you'll need to know as it pertains to table settings. Below is some solid adivce and diagrams of each type of setting, beginning with the more casual affair.

This is the easiest of the two, involving the least amount of tableware as there are less courses involved. This is your basic everyday table setting, one that you might already set each night for dinner in your own home. For some of you that dine very casually or live alone and pay less attention and may have wondered which side the fork, knife and spoon go on, here is your answer. They are placed on the side in which you are required to hold them when cutting and eating. This is considered proper etiquette vs. cutting up much of your food and then switching the fork to your right hand to eat your meal.

Rules for a proper place setting

A meal that requires a formal place setting will consist of salad, bread, soup, drinks and a main course with dessert and coffee following.

Silverware

A formal table set with every imaginable piece of silverware can appear daunting, but things will go smoothly if you remember one important rule: start from the outside and work your way in toward the dinner plate. After a course is completed, the server will remove the appropriate silverware that will no longer be required. If there is something still in question, as a last resort you can follow the lead of your host.

Also upon finishing your meal, place your silverware at a 4:00 to 10:00 angle with the knife blade facing you. This position will let your server know that your plate is ready to be cleared.


1. Similar to the informal place setting, again forks are placed on the left of the dinner plate, knives and spoons go on the right.

2. Silverware is to be placed on the table in the order it will be used; silverware that will be used first should be  set to the farthest left and right sides of the plate.

3. Knives should be placed with their cutting-edge toward the dinner plate, except the butter knife which should be laid flat on a bread plate.

4. Utensils should be roughly 1/2 inch away from the plate and should be lined up evenly by using the bottoms as measure.

5. Dessert silverware can be placed at the table setting if you wish or brought out later just before dessert arrives. The dessert fork and/or spoon should be centered above and parallel to the dinner plate.

6. For any type of place setting, avoid using more silverware than the meal calls for.

Plates and bowls

1. The bread plate should be placed to the right and slightly above the salad plate.

2. Salad plates are placed to the left and just above the forks.

3. Dinner plates should be placed about 2 inches from the table's edge, centered on the place mat or squarely in front of the chair for a proper place setting.

4. Soup bowls are placed on top of the dinner plates.
5. For a formal place setting, when serving multiple courses, the host may opt to serve each course on separate serving plates.

6. Clear dishes and utensils after each course is finished by all at the table.

Cups and glasses

1. Water glasses should be placed above the dinner knife, with other drinking glasses arranged neatly nearby the water glass and to the right.

2. Coffee cups and saucers may be placed on the table to the right of the knife and spoon.

Napkins and name cards

1. For a less formal proper place setting, napkins are placed either on the plate or to the left of the forks. For a more formal place setting, napkins are placed inside a drinking glass whereby a server may place it in your lap upon being seated at the table.

2. Name cards are always a good idea for formal place settings, especially if the dinner party is large (such as a wedding). The card should be placed above the dessert utensil and to the left of the drinking glasses.

3. During the meal the napkin should always be placed in your lap. If you must excuse yourself from the table, the napkin should be left on the arm or seat of your chair, or to the left of your plate as a last resort (as dirty napkins on the table are never appealing).When everyone at your table is through with dessert, you can fold your napkin neatly to the right or left of your plate.

Courses During the Meal

It is important to remember not to begin eating until everyone else at the table has been served first. Always offer salt, pepper and dressing to others before using it yourself. All items that are in need of being passed around the table from person to person should be done in a clockwise fashion (to your left).

Bread

Always offer to others before serving yourself. Never butter your bread directly from the butter dish, regardless of if you will be sharing or using it only for yourself. Instead, place some butter directly on your bread plate. Also, do not butter your roll or slice of bread all at once; break off pieces and butter each one at a time as you eat them. *You'll notice this is the same theme to eating your entree, cutting before each opposed to slicing everything up ahead of time.

Soup

The best way to spoon soup is away from you, which avoids splashing. Don't crumble your crackers into your bowl, instead break a piece of and eat it before or after a spoon of soup. If your soup happens to contain noodles, it is acceptable to cut them with the edge of your spoon to create bite-sized pieces.

Salad

When eating a salad, if there are a few pieces that are too large for your liking, be sure to slice them ahead of time then place your knife (with the blade facing you) across your butter plate. Cherry tomatoes can be tricky and messy, it is best to pierce them with the sharpest point of your knife.

Entree

When eating any entree be sure to always eat bite by bite, avoid cutting all or large portions of your meal beforehand. Always be sure to point fork prongs downward, especially when cutting meat. Take small bites and avoid mentioning that you are "stuffed" or "really full" at the table as it is not classy to overeat.

Dessert

Your dessert spoon or fork can be moved to the left side of your place setting as soon as your dinner plate is removed. When eating apple pie or any other dessert a la mode, it is proper to use both the fork and spoon. The fork is used in your right hand while a small dollop of ice cream can be added/pushed onto the forkful of pie with the spoon in your left hand.

A Final Note

As always, if you have been invited into someones home for a meal, it is a good idea to mail out a thank you card no more than 48 hours after attending the event. Of course, before leaving, be sure to thank the host for the invitation and meal and thank the other guests at your table for their dining conversation.

Again, by no means is this a complete, exhaustive list, but these tips will lead you through any dining adventure with confidence!

Part 3 will continue next Monday and will conclude the Manners Monday series on dining, after which we'll be diving into some other topics as they pertain to manners. Consider this series your crash course on table etiquette here at The Classy Woman. If you missed last week's post (Part 1), you can click to read the post on Table Etiquette now.

Do you enjoy entertaining? How often do you host dinner guests in your home? Maybe you prefer to dine out and leave the mess in someone else's kitchen? I'd love to hear about your dining habits. :)

Thank you for reading!

XO



*image credits

Manners Monday: How to Avoid Overstaying Your Welcome

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Last week, in our first post of the new  'Manners Monday' series we discussed how to treat a guest and be a good host when they visit, as it pertains to offering food and beverages. This week it's all about timing: When and how long to visit without overstaying your welcome.



We all know that person who drinks a little too much wine and stays hours after a party to the point of being obnoxious. There are those that show up at your door before you're even fully dressed or ready for company and then yet still, there are those that have a complete lack of respect and disregard for your time by showing up more than fashionably late to an event or dinner party.



Avoid Overstaying Your Welcome



1. The Drop-In- If you are just dropping by to visit a friend and have not called them to inform them first, the visit should last no longer than 20 minutes, unless those you are visiting urge you to stay longer and were truly delighted by the surprise. Do try to avoid the drop-in no matter how much you wish to surprise someone. You never know what their day entails and may catch them off guard.



2. The House Party or Casual BBQ- If you are invited to a more casual venue, your host may deem it a 'drop-in throughout the day' sort of affair or there may be a specific time listed on your invite. If there is a range of time such as between 1-5pm, be sure to stay no longer than the 5pm time listed and try to arrive at least an our before the party is due to end.  Don't show up early before the time specified, as your host may still be finding her perfect attire and avoid sipping on a glass of wine and staying for hours afterwards, even if other guests do. Your hosts may have something else to attend to afterwards but aren't interested in sharing those details.



3. The Dinner Party- If you are invited to a home for dinner, treat it as you would a restaurant and don't be late. Arrive no later than 10 minutes after the specified time on the invitation. Also, it's important to put in some face time, don't attend if you have to leave quickly after dinner or you will appear as though you are dining and dashing. Always offer to assist with the clean up and any dishes, your host will usually decline but it is only polite. Do stay for an after dinner drink or coffee if offered and some conversation but be sure to leave as other guests leave. You don't want to get to the point where you're chatting up your hosts well into the late evening hours while they're rubbing their eyes to give you a hint to leave because they're tired.



4. You: The House Guest- If you're staying for a weekend, week or longer, be sure to define the time frame upfront with your host and don't deviate from it unless discussing with them first. They should know exactly when you are to arrive and leave and you should also plan to use a cab or rental car unless they suggest otherwise or offer to pick you up from the airport. It's never appropriate to assume that they will be your chauffeur and it gives you your own independence while visiting. Be sure to tidy up and leave your room or space just as you found it and always leave your host or hostess with a special gift to thank them for their hospitality, even if they are close family members.



5. The Overnight Date- Don't turn an evening at your man's apartment into an overnight date-unless he suggests it and you are comfortable. If a man has invited you to stay in his home for a night or a weekend, regardless of how serious the relationship is, it's never okay to overstay or leave your personal belongings behind-he'll be onto you! As with any other situation, be neat while you stay and take everything home that you came with. Don't extend a longer stay by taking time off of work or planning a fun day for the two of you. Treat the situation as you would any other host. Leave when you are supposed to unless he's begging you to stay longer. However, even then in a relationship as a woman you risk being less mysterious and he may not be longing for more time with you.



Have you ever hosted such a great party that some of your guests just wouldn't leave? Maybe you entertained weekend guests that stayed well past the time they promised? Perhaps you see yourself as the guest who has overstayed? Leave a comment and share your experiences!


Thank you for reading!

XO