A Classy Woman is Confident

When I was a teen my mother and I would shop together for clothing quite a bit and because we were the same height with the same overall frame, we could share and essentially expand our wardrobe as a result which was a huge bonus. While I have memories of fun trips to the mall of us getting some great deals, carrying our shopping bags in the crook of our arm while eating frozen yogurt together and laughing, I also have other memories. I remember my mom trying on outfits and because of her youthful appearance for her age many sales clerks would think we were sisters often telling her she looked far too young to have a daughter my age. While some might see it as an ego boost, I think all this flattery may have gone to her head as she became even more engrossed in her physical appearance. She would often ask: "Does this dress make me look fat?" When I replied with a NO, she'd say, "Are you sure? Do you think I look too old for this?"

Even at that age I found her lack of confidence in the 'dressing' department and need for such constant validation as it pertained to how she looked quite annoying and not at all something that I wanted to emulate. I promised myself I wouldn't be that woman with my friends or my significant other. To this day she tends to still fuss about and obsess over her physical appearance to the point of dressing much younger than her age. It's hard to live in the present moment and enjoy the company around you when you're focused on yourself all the time. Besides, what man is attracted to a woman without confidence and who constantly second guesses herself and her decisions? I also knew that the last thing I'd want to do it point out my areas that may have needed a bit of improvement. It's always more fun to focus on the areas which you feel best about.

We've all had friends or other ladies in our life who have asked that dreaded question: "Does this make me look fat?" and to this question I have the following reply below as it pertains to being a classy woman.

Part of being a classy woman includes being a confident woman who is decisive in her choices-that is one of her most attractive qualities! She isn't wishy-washy and always asking others for their opinion nor does she require their validation. She takes the time to learn about and appreciate herself, others and the things which are important to her so she can make the best decisions possible with boldness and without regret!

Did anyone else grow up with a mother or friend who always asked this question. How did you respond and what did you take away from their behavior?

Thanks for Reading!

XO

How A Lady Responds to Being Whistled At

Today's post was inspired by a quote from Adele and if you follow our community along on Facebook then you saw me post it there earlier today. :)

I think the simple answer to today's post topic is that a classy woman just doesn't respond at all. She knows she is worth of far more than flippant comments and distasteful cat calls as she passes by.

A true lady just keeps on walking and ignores the whistles as if she didn't hear a thing. ;) Such immature boys who degrade women to a mere physical object are not true gentlemen and don't even deserve a turn of the head from you. Silence is the best reply to a fool!

I wish men knew just how uncomfortable they make us women feel with their silly attempts to get our attention. It is not flattering, it is not a compliment, it is disrespectful.

I'd love to hear your thoughts. Do you respond or keep on walking?

Thanks for Reading!

XO





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Manners Monday: Picking Up a Friend

Happy Monday everyone! First of all I wanted to say a big THANK YOU to those who took the time to leave me a sweet comment here on the blog, a private message via e-mail, tweeted to me or shared a comment over on my Facebook Page regarding my recent baby news! All of your kind words and well wishes really blew me away, put a tear in my eye and made me smile. Even though we've never met in person, I feel truly blessed to have so many amazing women in my life through this blog. :)

Today's Manners Monday post was inspired by a neighbor who has someone pick her up and always honks loudly to let the whole neighborhood know that she has arrived. I thought it was time to share this tip here on the blog.

Call me old fashioned, but even in today's time with the simplicity of text messages and phone calls via a cell phone, there is something nice about having someone greet you at your door when they are picking you up, even if it's not a date. ;) I don't often get picked up by friends or family, unless we're taking one car somewhere together, typically I am the picker-upper or we agree to meet at the location. When I do get picked up, nothing makes me cringe more than when someone honks their horn to announce they've arrived. I'm generally ready and waiting in my kitchen where I have a window view of our front property and driveway so I can easily pop outside once I see them arrive to save them getting out of their car.

Unfortunately not everyone treats promptness the same way, you may be left waiting for a friend who is still getting herself together when you arrive. Be mindful of this when being picked up by a friend, it is best to be ready 5 minutes before you agree to meet so that you don't keep the person doing the driving, waiting. If this does happen while you are the driver, it is perfectly polite to return to your car to sit inside the heat or air conditioning where it's comfortable after having knocked on their door and spoken to them unless you are invited into your friend's home instead.

If you happen to be arriving at an apartment or condo building with a gate code and buzz code, elevators, etc., etc., in this case (because of the time involved and sequence of events just to get upstairs) it would be more acceptable to call up to a friend and let them know that you have arrived and where you're located out front. If it is an elderly family member you are meeting or friend you haven't seen in a long time, do make the trip upstairs and greet them personally, it will mean a lot.

If you liked today's post, you might also enjoy a previous post I wrote on Manners and Etiquette for Driving which is where I first mentioned about the 'no honking when picking up friends' tip. ;)

Do you have someone who is guilty of the dreaded 'car honking' when picking you up? How do you prefer to let a friend know that you have arrived? I'd love to hear from you! :)

Thanks for Reading!

XO

Manners Monday: Responding to an Invitation

Now that the holiday season is in full swing, you may have begun receiving invitations (both formal and casual) to spend Christmas Day with your extended family, for holiday parties and other events including New Year's Eve parties, etc.

For some, the question of food and other invited guests come to mind, especially food if there are allergies or dietary restrictions but even so there is always an appropriate way to handle it. A perfect example of this is what my husband and I experienced just recently over Thanksgiving. Every year we get invited to spend Thanksgiving Day with my in-laws and we always bring a few dishes to contribute and lighten the burden on cooking. This year however, hubby's Aunt & Uncle invited us, they happen to live right around the corner which was nice as it made cooking and transporting food very easy for us.

Over the past year Paul has made some dietary changes and is now mostly vegan but still indulges in some wild caught fish here and there. I'm much more flexible and always make exceptions for holiday meals but typically eat a mostly vegetarian diet 5 days per week and have a bit of fish, poultry or meat as well. We also both work hard to make sure that almost all of our produce is organic. We make these choices because optimal health is our goal. Upon getting the invite, my first thought was what hubby would eat? Knowing that his family really loves meat, poultry and southern style dishes. Since we live close by he and I discussed what we could do to prepare to make his meal enjoyable and still feel included at the same time while not making anyone else feel uncomfortable. One of the options was for him to eat a meal before we popped over so he wasn't starving.

We knew we would make it work and most of all it was family time that we were most looking forward to so food was secondary. I replied and let his aunt know how much we appreciated the invitation and really looked forward to seeing everyone. Knowing what an undertaking it can be to host a large dinner, I offered to bring some dishes of her choosing. She was planning to provide the main course as well as the dessert and everyone attending was asked to bring 2 dishes to share and a list was provided. I volunteered to bring a few veggie dishes because we love healthy veggies and it would ensure that any veggies that hubby could eat would contain olive oil and not butter or any other dairy. His Aunt asked me at one point if Paul would be making an exception by eating turkey for Thanksgiving and I let her know that he would not be. Since she asked, I took the opportunity to let her know not wot worry or be at all concerned about him and that what I would be bringing would be perfect for him and everyone else. I wanted to put her mind at ease as a hostess already has many others things to consider.

On Thanksgiving day I brought over roasted turnips & apples, roasted red beets as well as a mixed greens salad with my own homemade dressing and goat cheese on the side so that it would be suitable for those who cannot have dairy, and other could use the goat cheese on their salad as well as beets or as they wished. The meal was a huge success and there was such a lovely variety! Hubby ate a large share of veggies and salad but was careful to make sure everyone has some before he went back for seconds. It's more about being creative than about making others work around what will work for you. In the case of food allergies, if a close friend or family member is the host, they'll likely already be aware and be sure to get more details from you. Upon accepting the invitation, if it is a potluck you may want to bring a few of your own things so that you can customize them to your requirement. If it is not and the menu is fixed, you may have to bow out gracefully.

Currently, I know of a couple friends right now who have family members that are not on good terms with another family member or sibling and it's making the planning of Christmas dinner difficult. While everyone has their reasons for not getting along with another person, it's so important as a classy woman to rise above and be the example. It's not always easy but sometimes one must tolerate others who they do not wish to be in the presence of. It shows great maturity and is so ladylike to put differences aside and just see the good in people and enjoy the company of everyone else. Sometimes people don't make great decisions or treat others poorly, but it's usually the very time when such people need love and kindness the most. What I know for sure is hurt people, hurt people and if we can remember that we can recognize that others are not always as we seem them on the outside, perhaps their anger or lashing out comes from a deeper place of heart and they really just need a friend. When it comes to providing an RSVP to an event, it's not appropriate to ask the host who will be attending in an attempt to avoid a particular individual or group of people. If you already know that a particular person has also been invited and you just cannot muster up the ability to make it pleasant experience, it's best to politely decline.

I find people entertain less today than they used to. Many are just so busy with day to day activities that they cannot seem to make time for it. For some who like to run the show, it can be a lot of work not to mention a financial burden when hosting a larger party if it's not a potluck-style event and there is no delegation involved. For others, they just don't enjoy it. Entertaining is such a wonderful opportunity though to bring many people together and create wonderful memories. For these reasons as well as  proper etiquette I think it is so important to respond properly to an invitation to encourage the very hosts who do enjoy entertaining to continue doing so and making it worth their while.

When were are invited to an event or party, it should be considered an honor not something to dread and it is not the time to make our preferences known, the bottom line is that it should not be all about us. When we are invited into someone's home or to a particular venue, we are a guest to someone else's function. A good host knows that if the guest who is attending is not someone they know well, that they should ask about dietary needs and food allergies. If they have forgotten to do so, be a gracious guest when the event date comes and make the most of the experience.

Have you ever experienced a demanding behavior upon inviting a guest to an event? Maybe you've been the invited guest who is unsure of how to respond given one the topics we discussed above? Please begin the conversation below in the comments, I'd love to hear from you!

Thanks for reading!

XO

There is Joy in Being a True Lady

Today's post is a gentle reminder on what it means to be a classy woman. None of us are born ladies, we must choose our actions, words and behavior wisely every day. How we come across to others is our responsibility and it shows them a lot about the kind of woman we are. This does not mean that a classy woman is perfect or without mistakes, rather she reflects on her missteps and decides to do something different or better each day. This can begin with the thoughts in our head; the actions and words that are spoken as a result of the things we meditate on, the way we choose to present ourselves to the world in the way we dress or the way in which we treat others than can do absolutely nothing for us. There is something so special about a woman who knows what she wants but has a gentle and quiet spirit.

As women we can be anything that we wish to be, but above all the many roles and aspirations we pursue, I hope you'll choose everyday to become a feminine and classy woman, there is so much pride and joy in being a true lady. :)

What is one of the things you enjoy about being a lady?

Thanks for reading!

XO

Manners Monday: Tipping Etiquette

I hope everyone had a fabulous weekend and enjoyed the extra hour of sleep (or time spent anyway you pleased). Today's Manners Monday post was actually prompted by a reader, Amber Y., who wrote me a message on my Facebook wall last week and requested more information on how much to tip for various services (things that go beyond just restaurant tips).

Every classy woman should be armed with the knowledge of what to tip and when. So, today we'll explore various venues and general amounts that are appropriate as it pertains to everyday tipping etiquette in North America. We'll explore international tipping as well as holiday tipping at a later date so this post doesn't become insanely long. ;)

Everyday Tipping Etiquette 

Restaurant Services:

1.  Host or Maitre d'- $10-$20 if they have gone above and beyond to provide you with a special table with a view, in a particular location of the restaurant, for a special evening or occasion or on a busy night. Nothing is required if they offer the standard of greeting and showing you to your table.

2. Restaurant Server (full service/sit down)- 15-20% is customary, the higher amount showing that you were quite pleased with the service, atmosphere and food. Tipping percentages are based on the before tax amount (there is no need to tip on top of tax). If an automatic gratuity is built into your check, you are not required to provide anything further, it is optional to tip on top of the amount included which is typically 18% for upscale restaurants and is typical when dining as a party of 6 or more.

3. Restaurant Server (basic service/buffet)-10% is customary before tax since these servers are generally replenishing drinks and clearing plates vs. taking full orders, specific requests and serving you multiple courses of your meal. 

4. Take Out- 10% is optional if the order was large or complex, otherwise you are not obligated.

5. Curb-side pickup-Same rules apply as take-out, they'll bring it out to your car.

6. Home Delivery Service-10-15% of the bill is sufficient. Usually $2-5 dollars for pizza delivery depending on the size of the order and how difficult it is to get to the location is standard. (Think long country roads in the snow at night)

7. Bartender-$1-$2 on a per drink basis or 15-20% of the final tab

8. Tip Jar- Optional. Many people feel obligated to leave a tip when they see a tip jar but it's set up for Baristas at cafes, dry cleaners, etc. Anything is acceptable and is shared among the staff.

9. Valet- $2-$5 is customary upon the return of your car.

10. Restroom Attendant- Anywhere from 50 cents to $3.00 depending on the service offered. Such attendants usually supply paper towels, lotion, feminine products, mouthwash etc inside the restroom of upscale restrooms, special events and clubs for your convenience. You can simply avoid the extra service by not using any products and simply saying, "No, Thank you." 

Salon & Spa Services:

1. Hair Stylist- 15-20% for hair cuts, color, highlights & updos. If you're service pertains to your wedding day and you feel more is appropriate, your stylist will be grateful for the extra. *Please note that if you cannot afford such a tip on top of the cost of a pricier salon, you may want to receive your services elsewhere or stretch out the time between visits. Know what the cost is going in and calculate the tip so there are no surprises and yours stylist gets what they deserve.

If you have one person that provides the cut and another the color or shampoo, be sure to either pay each person individually in cash or indicate on the receipt who gets what amount if paying by credit card. Many used to follow the rule of not tipping the owner who provides the service, modern etiquette recommends otherwise-tip no matter what as they are still providing good service to you.

2. Special Shampoo service-$2-$5 is the average for those who provide your shampooing service. If they are gentle, avoid splashing water on your face, use products that stimulate the scalp and most importantly provide a wonderful scalp and neck massage, do tip them! They'll remember the next time you come back and you'll be sure to get a relaxing shampoo experience again.

3. Manicurist-15-20% is the standard for all nail treatments for manicure and pedicure. Extra credit goes to those who give a relaxing forearm and hand massage or foot and calf massage for more than just 2 minutes. If they provided something extra or did an ultra amazing job on the polish   20% or more should be given.

4. Massage Therapist-15-20% can be given for massages although be aware that some therapeutic massage establishments actually frown upon tipping (make sure you ask ahead of time when you make the reservation). If you are receiving treatment after a car accident or injury and the massage is being billed via insurance or you are being reimbursed, use your discretion on tipping in such cases as it is more about body restoration than relaxation.

5. Waxing services- Again, 15-20% as it is a salon service.

6. Makeup Application- Anywhere from 10-20% tip. If they take a few minutes to show you how to apply eye shadow like a pro or provide tips for you on how to get a more dewy look (or whatever questions you may have or that they feel they want to share), tip them accordingly. 

Hotel & Travel Services:


1. Door Man- $1-$4 for carrying luggage or anything that involves them going out of their way for you and is not in their description. $1-2 is recommended for hailing a cab for you.

2. Bell Hop-$2 for the first bag and $1 for each additional bag thereafter. For each additional service (such as room delivery), tip $2-3.

3. Housekeeping- $2-5 per day depending on the level of service. Always include a hand written note that thanks the housekeeper and indicates it's for them. It's best to do this on a daily basis as you may likely have a different person each day.

4. Concierge-$5-10 if they got restaurant reservations of special tickets for you. Add an extra $5 if the tickets or reservations were hard to come by. Of course, you need not feel obligated to tip for having them answer a few questions for you.

5. Taxi Driver-A minimum of $1 for very short rides, 15-20% of the cab fare. If they are assisting your with luggage/bags, add $2 for the first bag and $1 for each thereafter.

6. Sky Cap (air travel) -This is a specialty service for air travelers to make life easier, $2 for the first bag and $1 for each bag thereafter (as with other venues) is appropriate.



Tips on Tipping:

It's important to remember that tipping is a personal gesture and at the discretion of the giver, while guidelines are set, if you have been extremely disappointed by someone's service provided or delighted when someone has gone above and beyond, your tip should reflect. A lady knows that certain things are done in private and the act of tipping is no exception. Tipping should be done discreetly, it was never intended to be an opportunity to appear as the big spender nor should you compare amounts with others, everyone's experience is different. Also, be mindful that for many in the service industry, their tips are the bulk of their income as hourly compensation can often be meager and as such tips are always greatly appreciated.

Today, it seems that even when someone has experienced horrific service, many feel compelled to leave the standard 15%. In such cases, it's best to speak to management and make them aware of the issue (without causing a scene or fuss of any sort), only then can they help correct what you were displeased with and speak to the person in question. It is considered poor taste to leave pocket change or nothing at all upon receiving services, especially within a restaurant environment, for poor service a tip of 10% of the check's total should be the absolute minimum. Other members of the restaurant are often affected (in many restaurants bus boys, dishwashers, food prep and chef receive a portion of the server's tip and they should not be penalized in the process).

***A note on gift certificates and Groupon or group coupon deals. Even if your gift certificate covers a large portion of your meal or spa service, tipping is always made on the full value of the services or meal before tax and not on the portion that remains after your gift card.

Have you had someone provide exemplary services and have re-warded them as such for their thoughtfulness and/or skill? I'd love to hear what they did to make you so happy, please share the positive vibes in the comments section! :)

Thank you for reading!

XO






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Manners Monday: Bathroom Behavior

I hope everyone had an awesome weekend and is doing great! I feel like it's been forever since I've blogged. Most of you know I was away for 2 weeks visiting family and friends back home in Toronto, it was SO needed. Everything from re-connecting with some of the most important people in my life to getting to see how their children are growing up to taking in the first signs of fall were what I had been hoping for. I even got to meet a dear friend's first baby-a 7-week old baby girl named Savannah. She is such a doll! Since I was staying in her home for 10 days of my trip I got to see her and hold her often which was so great. I was so ready to blog once I got back home but then unfortunately was hit with a flu bug almost immediately-probably the result of recycled plane air. ;) After 4 days of feeling blah and a day trip to the beach, I'm feeling better-it's mostly thanks to a natural homeopathic flu remedy that I swear by so now I'm back in the blogging game again. ;)

Both leaving for my trip and in the airport waiting to catch my flight back to Florida, I encountered two interesting bathroom situations. I have been meaning to write about bathroom etiquette for a while but this trip just sealed the deal. It is clear to me more than ever that some people have a real disrespect when it comes to the public restroom environment. So, that is why it's the topic for today's Manners Monday post.

There are some simple considerations that if we all follow them will make things better for everyone involved. Here is a list in no particular order of things to be mindful of while in a bathroom whether it be your own home, while visiting in another's house or a in pubic restroom.

10 Rules for Better Bathroom Behavior

1. Privacy. Shut & Lock the bathroom door-even if you're at home, I can assure you that your family members don't want to see what you're doing in there. Strangers most definitely don't want to catch you in the act.

2. Get in & Get out-Often times in a public washroom there is a line. It is important to try to be as quick as you can out of consideration for others. Even when you are out of the stall and need to wash your hands it's good to wash and dry your hands quickly and do a momentary mirror check and move on. It's not the time to pull out a bunch of cosmetics for touch-ups when you have people trying to get past and wash their hands in a confined space, it will only annoy others.

3. No Smoking-On my first flight I popped into the closest restroom to wash my hands one last time before boarding the plane. I could barely breathe, someone before me had smoked a cigarette in the bathroom, if you can believe it! The whole area reeked of stale smoke and for someone allergic to cigarette smoke, I got out of their as fast as I could and found another one. That is probably one of the most disrespectful (not to mention illegal) things that one can do and a public space.

4.Wrap it up-When it comes to feminine products, be sure to wrap everything up properly with either the wrapper from a new product or toilet paper and ensure it went completely into the receptacle. There's nothing worse than entering a stall and finding used products lying on the floor or stuck to the disposal container itself. (I'm sorry that I even have to include this here but I keep seeing it in public washrooms so obviously some women out there need to hear this one more time or maybe for the first time-hopefully they'll somehow stumble upon this post.) Next to this would be to ensure even the clean wrappers from such products themselves are placed in the trash and don't get left on the floor if they've fallen.

5. Flush! When I was working at the airport, I can't tell you how many times I discovered stalls where people hadn't flushed and I always wondered what's so hard about flushing a toilet? This is in a tidy and diligent airport that gets cleaned properly by the hour! If you don't want to touch the button or lever in a public bathroom for fear that others have used their shoe-use your own shoe to flush (most people do and touching the handle would be super germy anyway).

6. No Cell Phone Zone-I will never understand why people want to talk to others while they're on the toilet and with the sound of flushing toilets in the background among other sounds. I would be not only disgusted but disturbed at why a friend felt the need to call me during such a time. The phone call can wait 3 mins! Even texting or touching your phone at all in a bathroom (especially a public one) is just a recipe for disaster, it is one of the dirtiest and germ-filled places and now those germs will be on your phone touching your face.

7. Reading Material-Some people enjoy bringing reading material in bathrooms for longer visits. If you're at work or in a public restroom, avoid doing this. It just signals to others that you will be in there for a while-giving them a clue as to what you'll be doing. It's just awkward for everyone.

8. Leave it as Clean as you Found it- In our own homes, we want to leave things as neat and clean as possible and there's no reason why the same rules should apply when we are in another's home or in a public restroom. If you dropped toilet paper, pick it up with a clean piece off the floor and dispose of it properly, the same holds true for paper towels. If you like to dry you hands and use the towel on the door handle so you don't have to touch it, if there's no garbage bin beside the door, take it with you outside and find a trash bin elsewhere, the floor is not a dumping ground for used paper towels. It goes without saying that any sprinkles on the toilet seat created by you should be cleaned up with toilet paper. A good way to avoid this is to line the seat with toilet paper or a seat liner so you can sit and are not hovering and making a mess.

9. Handicap Stalls- It's always best to leave a handicap stall available just in case someone comes in and needs to use it. However, especially if you are in an airport and have a big carry on bag and a lot of stuff, or need to change your clothes, squeezing into a tiny stall is sometimes not an option. I'm a private person and when I used to work at the airport I would use this stall everyday after lunch so I could floss and brush my teeth since our company did not have its own individual bathroom. I was quick about it though as to not take up that stall. Thankfully out of the whole 8.5 months that I worked there, only one time did someone in a wheelchair need the stall that I was in, and I was very quick to say I'd be right out. I notice it's also a popular one for mothers with more than one child, especially when they have a large stroller to maneuver.

10. No Bathing in Public Restrooms-This might seem like an obvious point but you'd be surprised at the amount of people that do this to some extent and in general what they choose to use the sinks for. About 4 years ago when I was still a member at Bally's fitness, I saw a women dying her hair in the sink of the women's change room. (I'm guess she didn't want to fuss with the cleanup in her own home?). On my way out of the gym that day, I let the front desk know about it. I was told that they did know about it and that it's become a problem. Literally 2 weeks later there was a plaque up on the wall near the sinks that said 'no dying of hair in sinks'.

While preparing for my flight back home to Florida, I popped into the restroom to brush my teeth after eating a meal. I was horrified at what I saw upon stepping up to the sink- by the way this restroom had handicap stalls without sinks so I was forced into the common area. ;) I watched a woman washing her face then making snorting noises (cleaning her sinuses?) but what followed was shocking to say the least. The woman was older and wearing a long dress that appeared to be a particular type of cultural attire. She took off her shoe and whipped her foot above the counter and into the sink!! All the while, I'm looking for my toothbrush in my toiletry bag and looking up thinking 'oh, no you did not just do that?!'

She followed by washing the other foot and drying off with paper towels and putting her shoes back on. Just as I located my toothpaste and started to zip up my carry-on bag she walked over to me and asked if I had any lotion. I could see where this was going and since my body lotion with a pump top was in my checked luggage and the only thing packed in my carry-on bag was a pot of face cream that is not for sharing, I simply said, "I'm sorry, I don't". She proceeded to tell me that her face got really dry from the plane air. I'm not sure if this woman had ever traveled before or just didn't understand the importance of packing travel size necessities in her carry-on bag or handbag along with not bathing in the bathroom.

One last thought...out of politeness, if another woman in a stall next to you didn't look first to see if there was toilet paper and she asks you, be kind enough to hand her a wad of it vs. a couple squares. She might need more and may be too embarrassed to ask for it. :)

I'm sure there are hundreds more that could be listed here, but these are the ones that stood out in my mind or those which I see happen frequently.

What's the weirdest or most shocking thing that you've come across in a public washroom? Leave a comment and share with us!

XO