Manners Monday: Asking about Marriage & Babies

I originally had a different topic planned for today's Manners Monday post but after seeing the reader response on Facebook, I thought going into further detail was a good idea. If you follow The Classy Woman community on Facebook, you'll see that today I posted a Classy Tip of the Day (something I started doing a few weeks ago a few times per week) about the importance of not putting people on the spot with personal questions that they may not be prepared to answer or even know the answer to themselves. This is what I wrote:

"A lady doesn't ask couples who are dating when they're getting married. Similarly, she doesn't ask married couples when or if they're planning to have a baby. A classy woman knows that while she might be really curious about the answer, it's never polite to put someone on the spot. Instead, she waits until the couple brings the topic up themselves."

While there are always a few conversation topics to avoid in many venues, some of them we've previously discussed HERE, I think asking a woman or couple when they are planning to get married or when they're planning to start a family are two of the biggest no-no's. In this day and age when many women are at the peak of their career, are having children later in life, are unsure in this economy how they'd afford an elegant wedding or of how to raise a child, or are perhaps struggling with infertility; these well-meaning questions can actually make the woman or couple feel rather uncomfortable and at a loss for words. 

As a woman who has been married for six years but has not yet had a baby, I get asked when I'm going to have children or if I want to have children A LOT. Whether I'm at a backyard BBQ, a dinner with other ladies, or meeting someone new at a wedding, I can almost guarantee at least one person will ask. They usually begin talking about their own child or pregnancy and then say, "So, do you think you and Paul will want to have children?". I recently had someone tell me they just assumed that we had decided not to have children since so much has passed as a married couple. Ouch.

If you find yourself getting asked these questions, here are some quick suggestions on how to tactfully and cleverly answer even the most nosy person and silence your critics.

How to Answer Questions about Marriage & Children:

Question: "So, when are you guys getting married?"
Answer: "I will get married when the time is right."

Who can argue with that answer? Nobody. It also allows you to take ownership of yourself and not use the term "we" or "us" pulling your significant other into the equation or making any promises that may not happen.

Question: "When are you going to start a family?"
Answer: "We're way too busy enjoying this honeymoon time together (or enjoying this time just us two) to think about that yet!"

Who can put a timeline on how long the honeymoon phase is or the importance of just spending time together as a couple without children? Again, nobody. If you're a spiritual person, another great answer is: "We're leaving it all in God's hands, whatever he has planned for us."

Although these questions can be rather annoying after hearing them several times, try to just laugh it off and remember that someone is taking an interest in you. What I've come to realize is that for some, this is how they make conversation-they may not have a lot of interesting things going on in their own life so they pry and make the focus about other's life milestones not realizing that it is rude. I think these conversations can lead to gossip if not careful which is another reason why it's good to avoid asking these questions.

I want to hear from YOU! What are your thoughts on this topic? Has anyone (other than your mother) pressed you for details on when you're getting married or having babies? How did you respond?

XO






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