Manners Monday: Facebook Etiquette

Because we live in a time where we often communicate more with people online (even those that are our dearest friends) vs. in person, it's important to mind our manners and be respectful when using social media tools. Since Facebook is one of the most popular, I thought I'd begin with it.

You might remember that in February I embarked on a Facebook Sabbatical. You can read the post HERE if you are interested to find out why I left. I stayed away for a whole six months and eventually re-activated my account as a way to stay in better touch with my Canadian friends whom I opened the account to stay in contact with in the first place. It lets me see their little ones grow and follow along with their daily trials and tribulations which often makes me feel connected even though I'm thousands of miles away. I'm still not a huge fan of Facebook for several reasons, and in fact I have often referred to it as 'Bragbook', since  for many that is sadly what it has become.

Here are 10 Tips To Better Facebook Etiquette

1. Keeping it Classy- In terms of Facebook or any other social media outlet, what is written there is a representation of one's character. You can't be one person in real life, and another online. Well, you could be but nobody would respect you. It's not the place to post racy photos from a Bachelorette party or write crass comments on someone else's wall-there is no good time or place for those things, especially not on Facebook. Everything from the quotes you list and the photos you post to the content that you are responsible for on your page, should reflect the person that you truly are. What does your profile picture look like? Remember that Facebook is public and your photo could be seen by potential employers, dates, etc., so choose something tasteful that won't be an embarrassment later on.

2. Resist the Urge to Tag- My husband has a huge pet peeve when it comes to facebook, and I know he's not alone, it's photo tagging. Anyone can post pics of you from years gone by where it will live on your Facebook page for everyone to see until you notice it and opt to remove it. It's always best to ask a friend or  family member before tagging them in photos. Be sure to get permission first. Not everyone wants everything about them posted online, even if it is an innocent looking photo. Unflattering photos are completely out of the question.

3. Milestone Manners-If you've just got engaged, are expecting a baby or have a life threatening illness, I can assure you that the people closest to you will want to hear it from you personally and not via the web. While sharing milestones via Facebook has become more popular, it is still in poor taste. The exception of course would be after you told those dearest to you and now you are merely informing the others whom you haven't seen since high school, etc. Likewise, if it's your best friend's birthday, facebook wishes are not enough and should not be a replacement for a real card in the mail, which is always appreciated and exudes proper etiquette for such a celebratory time.

4. Status Updates- It's wise to steer clear of having arguments with others via Facebook, even the kind that don't mention names but imply them by the chosen content. It's in poor taste to break up with someone over Facebook, speak unfavorably about someone who has wronged you or destroy someone's reputation which can easily happen with social media tools. In other words don't use your facebook status as a tool to vent.


5. Be Discreet- Never use someone's wall as an opportunity to write something to share with the world that they might not want anyone to know. Ruining a birthday surprise party, sharing private and personal information and the like is not only immature but it definitely destroys trust. Also, don't make comments about how much you really didn't like their now ex-boyfriend/ex-husband anyway, keep your opinions to yourself.

6. Replying to Others- Not everyone reads their facebook messages daily, however they do default to an e-mail account and like other e-mail, it's only proper to respond in a reasonable amount of time. Anything more than a week (unless you are very ill or on vacation) is too long. Even if you are swamped with work, have the courtesy to let the sender know that you'll get back to them but it won't be until next week once you've met your work deadline, etc. When it comes to photos, if certain friends leave comments for you, be sure to return the favor or at the very least reply. Facebook is about connecting, it's not all about you.

7. No Spamming- I don't know anyone who enjoys spam and with many 'friends' listed Facebook does give you the ability to do a mass e-mail to all or many of them. For personal accounts, it's best not to send communications in this manner. Instead, send a personal e-mail and make sure the people receiving your message want to be contacted in that manner prior to sending otherwise you're no better than the spammers that send viagra e-mails to their inbox.

8. Opinions- Like anything in life, not everyone is going to agree with things you might share on Facebook. In fact, they may even want to challenge you via your wall which could end up in a lot of back and forth banter. This is of course expected over political and religious ideas, think about what you will share before pressing enter. Know that what you write could offend others. When it comes to opposing views, don't be offended yourself if someone thinks your ideas are a bit nuts-not everyone will agree with you. By putting such information 'out there' that is a risk that everyone takes. Be someone who inspires and uplifts others and does so in way that doesn't alienate anyone who might read what you have to say.

9. Removing a 'Friend'- If someone asked to be added as a friend over a year ago and you have never corresponded once, it is completely appropriate to consider removing them-I have termed this 'facebook de-cluttering'. It's best to give yourself 24 hours like any decision so you won't regret it the next day. If someone keeps requesting you as a friend after you've ignored or rejected their request, you are not obligated to add them, don't feel bad for doing so. Some people enjoy collecting facebook friends while others try to keep it down to close friends and family only. It's your page-be mindful of others but do what is best for you.

10. The Relationship Status- I'm always saddened when I see a little message indicating that someone I know just broke up with their significant other. Unless you've been dating for a while or are married, shorter term relationships are probably best left off of facebook. You can always befriend the other person, you just may not want to advertise to everyone that you're in a relationship, engaged, etc and then later appear to be a drama queen who can't ever seem to make it work or make others uncomfortable. You can always choose to turn off the auto updates of your relationship status which makes things less public.

Above all, always treat others with kindness and respect. This is by no means a complete list, I shared these tips as they are the most prevalent I have observed on Facebook to date.

I thought you might also get a kick out of this funny little video about Relationship Etiquette on Facebook otherwise known as the 'electric friendship generator':



I want to hear your thoughts on Facebook. What are your favorite aspects of it? What things do people do on it that just drive you crazy?

Are You Addicted to the Internet?

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No matter what store I'm shopping in, there seems to be one common theme-people with their heads glued to their phones. They are either walking and texting (usually not looking where they're going) or they're busy composing an e-mail, chatting up a storm, often completely oblivious towhat is going on around them, including their own children's needs and cries for attention.

Just last week I was in HomeGoods and a lady was chatting away and looking at some items on a clearance cart. As she tried to keep the phone from falling, she in turn broke something in the store! She looked mortified and quickly closed her phone and threw it in her purse, after apologizing to the store clerk. Then there is the whole problem of 'texting while driving' which is quickly becoming a huge danger. I found out that a friend of a friend just died while texting and driving a couple of months ago. So sad, he was in his early 30's-so avoidable and completely unnecessary.

I have a question for you. Are you addicted to your e-mail or the internet? I'll be honest, I think I am. Perhaps not to the extreme that many are, but this article on breaking the cycle of e-mail addiction really resonated with me. Guess what? It turns out that the addiction all comes down to one main need, which is instant gratification.

Back in the day we waited weeks for hand written letters and longed to hear a friend's voice on the phone, today we can text, instant message, e-mail, call from anywhere in the world, skype, or write someone via social media tools like Twitter, Facebook and MySpace.

Three years ago my hubby got me a Blackberry curve for my birthday. I loved it-at first. Then the constant barrage of e-mails daily was enough to drive me crazy. I run a design business and while I do my best to respond to all of  my customers, I don't want to be accessible 24/7, nor is is necessary. I draw the line  at client contact on weekends-I don't answer business calls, and after a year of owning that  new phone, I turned off the data feature and saved myself a bunch of money in the process. A year after that I cancelled my phone plan when the contract was up and now use a pay as you go plan, making the majority of my calls from my home office. Sure it became less convenient, but I was so glad I did. In no time at all I was once again accustomed to not having instant information at my fingertips. I never wanted to be that person that was obsessed with their 'crackberry' and now it is worse with so many people having iPhones.

Then, five months ago I decided to remove myself from facebook (you might remember my post on my Facebook Sabbatical) because it was a distraction in my life at a time when I had so much to focus on as well as a few other reasons which I explain there. I gained more time back in my day but  it was unfortunately replaced with Twitter and more time spent blogging. LOL. Having said that I only spend 10 minutes per day max on twitter and I try to write most of my blog posts in the late evening after my work day and spending time with my hubby. At then end of the day, I think blogging is far more productive than frittering away time looking at photos and checking facebook statuses. I like to learn and reading blogs allows me to learn more about what I love-writing, crafting, yard sales, decorating, cooking, gardening, baking and gives me inspirational ideas too. This is all something that facebook never offered (via my personal account) so all in all I think it was a smart move.

My main concern is getting a handle on e-mail and web surfing. I have several e-mail accounts and while I don't check all of them each day, my main 2 accounts get checked multiple times daily when I'm on my laptop. I think I need to go on an e-mail and internet fast or detox of sorts. I find myself searching for decor ideas, reading blogs, checking my bank balance, renewing my library books, reading new articles, etc. While many of those things do save me time and hassle, I need to better define boundaries for myself.

As this Harvard Business Review article suggests, there are ways to slowly ease yourself away from the constant 'checking' of e-mail. Having said all of this, I am going to begin today. I will only check e-mail first thing in the morning  and again at 10pm-that is it. I hope to minimize the time I spend surfing by giving myself very specific limits. I already leave my cell and laptop behind when I travel for pleasure, so I'll keep that in place too. I'm looking forward to less online distractions and more time working on my home and spending time with hubby who could probably also use an internet detox, but I'll leave that up to his discretion.  My greatest hope is that at a time when so much is happening here at casa Davis, that I can find and maintain a healthy level of balance.

How about YOU? Do you feel compelled to constantly check your text messages, cell phone, facebook account or e-mail? Do you find that it affects the time you have available for other important things?

Happy Canada Day to all of my Canadian readers and friends! :)

It's Not The Circumstances, It's You!

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Do you feel frustrated by the state of the economy, your present weight, your job? Do you find yourself making excuses or blaming others for why you are in your present situation or circumstances? We've all been there and sometimes we recognize our actions more than other times. The great news is we are all capable of more and changing so we can take control of and better our lives.

Imagine what your life could be like if you stopped blaming your circumstances on other people and things and took responsibility of your own life. In Oprah's most recent e-newsletter, Mike Robbins gives you the tools you need to take control of your life and become more aware of your experiences.

Last year I subscribed to Oprah's Spirit Newsletter, while I don't read every single one, often I find some great little gems. Today, I wanted to share this topic with you because it affects ALL of us and determines how we live our life, experience our days and interact with those that we love.

This is a piece worth reading and reflecting upon inwardly. Since they are the words of Oprah's people and not me, I thought I'd create a link, you can read the full article HERE.

I also love this quote (which is also in the article) by Ben Franklin:

"Joy doesn't exist in the world, it exists in us." 

That is so empowering! How many times do we think about what we want, and sometimes feel sad when we cannot have it? That quote is proof that no matter what your circumstances, financial situation or present age, we are all capable of being completely happy and filled with joy, but it is our choice to bring that feeling and experience forth!

In a similar vein, I love this quote by spiritual teacher Byron Katie:

"The definition of insanity is thinking that you need something you don't have. The mere fact that you exist right now without that which you think you need is proof that you don't need it."


Before blackberries, iPhones, microwaves, laptops and big shiny SUV's came into our lives we got along just fine. We are always capable of living on less than we think or living without things we believe we need, it's just a matter of our comfort level and decision to do so.

Oprah's article really resonated with me as I can see some of these little things in my own life and the lives of my close family. I also realized that growing up, some of their thoughts and beliefs about circumstances shaped my life at an early age. Some great, some not so great.

I've definitely been guilty of that, in my own mind I had built up reasons why I haven't completed certain projects in our home or haven't spent more time at the gym. The truth is that I just didn't make time for it in the past. Nobody and nothing else helped me make those choices. I chose to do other things instead, it's my own fault and only I can make the changes I want to see happen. You might remember, I had a little wake up call a few weeks ago and realized that facebook was a contributor to some of these areas, as it can be a huge time sink. However, it is my discipline in using such social media tools and not the tools themselves that were the problem. Taking some time away however by de-activating my account for now, was just the discipline I needed in order to refocus and make my priorities exactly that.

Is there anything in your life you've felt as though you need (and can't presently have) that you truly know you can live without? Have you felt as though you've been blaming your circumstances, lack of motivation or results on someone or something?  Feel free to share anonymously if you like.

Have an awesome week!

Facebook Sabbatical

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It's been a long time coming but I've finally decided to take a facebook sabbatical. While I haven't entirely decided to remove my personal profile and de-activate my account, I will not be visiting my page or any one else's for a good long while.

Facebook is a great tool for keeping in touch with friends, especially those that are long-distance. My friends kept asking me to join and that is ultimately why I joined, so I could catch up with my hometown friends from Canada. I really enjoyed seeing new photos of their babies, their wedding photos after the big day in which I had celebrated with them as well as new home purchases, updates about their day and a quick way to send and receive emails.

So, you might be wondering with all of these positives- Why am I taking a long break from this ever-popular social networking site? The answer is four-fold. Here are the reasons for my decision.

Firstly, although it's a great tool, facebook is also a huge time sink. I've said that so many times before but haven't taken any action with the exception of a one-week voluntary vacation from it a few months ago. When I have extra time, what begins as a 5 minute login to respond to a message in my inbox turns into an hour of reading wall posts or the news feed to catch up on daily happenings and browsing through photos online. That is a whole hour I could be spending on other important things that help me make the most of my day.

My second reason is because I don't feel that facebook truly lets me get to know my friends in a deeper way. It's so easy to post a quick wall comment here or post an album of photos there. However, it takes more time, energy, patience and love to meet people face-to-face, and really spend time with them, really hear what is on their heart, get to know them and be present. Facebook is just another tool in our fast-paced world that lets us think we are accomplishing more or staying in  better touch, when in actuality it has provided the exact opposite (for me).

Thirdly, because of the nature of facebook and its features, anyone can read anything that you've typed on someone's wall, comments you've left about a photo and complete strangers can get access to photos of you through another friends album in which you've been tagged  (if they haven't properly set up their privacy settings). I know this because I've had access to other people's photos in this manner, which immediately raised red flags. I am not a fan of the lack of privacy which is out of my control.

Lastly, I don't think that facebook helps me contribute to becoming a better person or friend. We've all heard that the written word can easily become misconstrued or received incorrectly and I believe that it's true.  I find that it would be easy for a friend or friends of friends or even complete strangers to judge you and sum up your life and who you are based on your wall, your friends' comments and most of all, your photos. This has never happened to me (that I'm aware of) but I want to be mindful of it. In some ways facebook lets you be a voyeur into other people's lives, focusing too much on what they are doing instead of focusing on yourself. I've also come across many posts and walls filled with boasting, complaining and also harsh words about others (celebrities, family or friends) too. Once information is out in cyberspace, it cannot be reclaimed..

Often times, such posts or distateful photos have changed my view or level of respect for someone, however it is important to remember that facebook isn't the be all, end all. I owe it to myself and my freinds to spend more 'real' time with them and less time learning about them via the web. Of course I visit with many regularly and phone calls are a good substitute for my non-local friends but I believe this will allow me to listen more intently too, because their stories won't be second hand news that I already read about in last week's wall post.

Please know that I don't judge anyone for using Facebook, this is just my personal decision. I have defined my priorities and this is something I need to do to re-balance and get more out of my life so that I can be the person I want to be and reach all of my 2010 goals too. I will keep you posted on my journey and let you know what I was able to accomplish with my 'extra' time and if/how it has improved my life in any way. I believe that one full month away (to start) will be a huge eye-opener into how much time I was actually wasting, similar to the way that creating a budget and reviewing past expenses does for the finances.

Have any of you moved away from facebook or social networking sites? What was your motivation? How did it help or change your life? I'd love to hear your stories.

Making New Friends in 2010

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Are you looking to make more friends and meet new women with similar interests? Do you feel lonely or alone at times and wish you could meet more people, but just aren't sure where or how?

A couple of years ago I was discussing with a girlfriend the challenges of making new friends in a new city (and in my case, a new country). Sometimes we are looking for new friends not just because we've moved or they have but because we need more positive people in our lives that are interested in the same activities, hobbies or are at similar places in their lives. Once we are out of College/University, making friends becomes more difficult. We're no longer surrounded by such a large group of similar-aged people.

Especially for women in their late 20's, 30's and 40's, this can be a difficult friend-making time. This is because of the varying lifestyles and transitions people go though. Some have families; some are married, some are still single and dating and you may no longer be able to relate to some women that you once went to college with or knew since elementary school. If you're a new mommy and your friends are still dating, they may not understand baby's nap times and your exhaustion level and may start spending more time with their other childless friends. No problem, you can meet other moms who understand and appreciate what you are going through.

The first year and a half that I lived here in the U.S., I focused on my immigration paperwork, starting my design business and getting our own home in order. I didn't create much time to make friends initially because I wasn't sure where to look and as a result spent much of my time with my mother-in-law and my husband's aunt. I love them dearly but I needed to find some women my own age.

In early 2008 I stumbled upon an amazing website that allowed me to connect with other like-minded individuals. I was specifically looking to build a new group of friends here in Florida since my closest ones are now many miles away. While we have the phone, e-mail, Twitter and Facebook, that just wasn't cutting it anymore for me. I longed to have some close girlfriends nearby again to go shopping with, make crafts with, scout out deals at garage sales, watch chick flicks and eat cupcakes with. Boy, is hubby glad that I was able to find some great friends! He's off the hook from pink cupcakes and early Saturday yard sale trips! ;)

The website that I found is called Meetup. The reason why this site is so wonderful and successful is because you can join as many groups as you wish, free of charge. You can join and meet up with a group once or forever! The site is based upon local groups in your own city and country that you can join whenever you like. So, whether you're into walking your chihuahua with other dog owners on a regular basis in a local park for pup time, meeting up with a group of ladies for Martinis or meeting single men in a fun and exciting venue with no pressure, this website is your oyster!

After joining a few groups and going out to meet everyone for the first time, I got used to the 'new kid' feeling and then became a regular of a game night meetup, a women's social group and even started and organized my own local ladies Sex & The City social group for those that love the show. While I no longer run that group due to my schedule, I still love hanging out with the girls and I have made so many wonderful and sweet female friends. Hubby even joins me once in a while for the game night meetups. So, whether you're looking to meet new friends, a potential love interest or you are looking to make new 'couple' friends together, this website it where to go.

I've seen groups for those who cruise together, like outdoor adventure like rockclimbing, women's running groups, raw food, vegetarian/vegan groups, boot camp workout groups so if getting into shape this coming new year is what your goal is, it might be fun to meet other goal-oriented individuals.

I highly encourage you all to check it out. All you need to do is type in your country and zip/postal code and then you can search by interests. You'll even get your own dashboard showing you all of your calendar events and it shows who has RSVP'dso you'll know who is attending before you meet everyone. There are plenty of privacy settings too, so no worries about having weirdos find you online. lol

I don't know anyone that couldn't use another great friend or fun group to be apart of where you are free to be yourself.

I am so grateful to have 'met' so many of you (my readers) online during my first full year of blogging. Thank you for being so wonderful, leaving such great comments and sending me questions too. For those that are a little more shy, feel free to leave a comment, share your opinion and say hello when you stop by. I LOVE reading your comments and mail!

Have you heard of www.meetup.com before? Have you joined any of their groups? What do you love most about it?

Here's to making some great new friends in 2010!

Love Your Life & Fulfill Your Dreams!

I wanted to share a message that was on my heart this past week. I've always felt strongly about this but this week in particular I was even so bold as to use it as the post on my facebook page. I want to encourage others, especially women, to realize their full potential and live out their most desired dreams. These were my words:

"Karla is amazed at how enthralled people are with entertainers and celebrities. It's time for us to get excited about our own life and fulfill our dreams instead of watching others live theirs! :) "

We live in such a celebrity and entertainment culture where reality tv shows have now become the norm. Watching endless amounts of drama, diva behavior and shows that contain the name 'gossip' such as Gossip Girl are influencing the younger generations. It's time that we arise and shine to our calling and purpose in life and live out each day to the fullest; using our gifts, skills and abilities, contributing to the greater good and experiencing a sense of accomplishment that empowers us to live an even fuller life.

I'm not suggesting that television is bad or that we shouldn't watch it at all-we're only human and I believe that there are a great deal of shows that are not only entertaining but also educational too. I happen to DVR many HGTV shows as they fall into that category for me. Not only that, they provide inspiration as I'm constantly creating new ideas for my business clients.

It's important to surround ourselves not only with uplifting, supportive and loving friends and family, but also to empower ourselves by all that we read, watch and listen to. What we spend our time on is a true reflection of what we value in life.

I've been reflecting on this all week. With the vast array of choices available in the form of tv shows, I've found myself recording multiple shows and later watching them and then wondering where my evenings went  and why I didn't finish that book I wanted to read or the laundry I meant to fold. It can truly be a distraction, keeping you from experiencing what you truly want most out of life. I've been challenging myself to delete some of the shows  I once recorded so I can spend even more time on the things that I love and bring me the most joy. So far this week, I have felt as though my days are longer and I seem to have more time to get everything done.

I encourage you to spend more time in the coming weeks on building up what truly matters to you and what great things you want to see happen in your own life. Is it a business you've dreamed of starting or home projects you've been putting off, or perhaps more quality time you've longed to spend with your children? Maybe you feel a bit purposeless right now or lack the passion and zest you once had. Try starting afresh with a Goal list and add ten things that you've always wanted to do or accomplish. Start working towards crossing those off one at a time and putting the exact date beside each once completed. Stretch yourself-add something that you don't think you can do and keep working towards it over time.

A wonderful audio CD set that I really enjoyed is titled Love Your Life by Victoria Osteen. I highly recommend it and it would make a wonderful gift for anyone. I received my set as a gift and it is such an uplifting compilation of messages for any age. *I am in no way compensated for this suggestion, this is my personal opinion.

My husband is also an Author and has written several books on this very topic, with a life coaching background he has many e-books available for those that desire to live their dreams, become empowered and achieve greatness. Click here for more information.

I hope you will feel accomplished in all that you do this coming week and that the hours you spend in your days are put to good use, that you feel a sense of pride and truly love the life that you've been given.

Have a Blessed Weekend!

Blog Poll: Need Your Feedback!

Okay, so this post has nothing to do with Christmas cartoons, but I did think it was an interesting image to post since we are less than 3 months away from Christmas! Today's post is however about polls.

I would love for you all to vote on the latest poll 'I Want to Read More Classy Posts About....' in the left hand sidebar which is located directly below the 'Leave a Comment' blinkie.

I am asking for your feedback on blog post topics-What are your favorites to read and what do you want to see more of in future?

It was 8 months ago that I began this little Classy blog and I want to continue it by posting on topics that you are most curious to know about, learn about and those that are inspiring and perhaps thought-provoking.

Oh, and if you haven't had a chance to vote on our other blog poll 'What Does CLASSY Mean to You?' you can vote on this one as well, this will be an ongoing poll so you can see how others' views compare with yours.

A few cool tools have been added for your convenience. See others' comments on recent blog posts under our Recent Reader Comment list and join the conversation! Now you can easily share us with tyour friends with the Facebook and Twitter links too. Also added was a search bar at the top of the page so you can quickly and easily search for topics that are of interest to you.

I can't wait to see what you all have to say!

Blogging or Venting?

Over the past few months I've come across some really interesting, entertaining, well-written, beautifully designed and informative blogs. I love seeing each person's individual writing style shine through and the great perspective that others often provide through their blog pages. I often feel inspired to use a new painting technique, try a new recipe, or just do something different. This is one of the reasons I start my day by spending about 10 minutes browsing through my favorite blogs before I begin work, because it makes me feel good.

On the contrary, I have also come across several blogs that look like an excuse for the writer to vent or get a lot of negative things off of their chest. These blogs range from personal to political and are not shy when it comes to controversy. While everyone is entitled to freedom of speech and stating their opinion, I'll be honest, these are the blogs I try to avoid. We all have many things that we deal with in a day, some good, some not so favorable and I'm not interested in the burden of someone else's drama. My hubby's motto is: 'Show me your friends and I'll show you your future'. I have to agree with it wholeheartedly, as I even noted most of the blogs that these venters followed were equally as negative and dramatic. I suppose misery loves company.

As a rule of thumb, even if girlfriends are not around to discuss the details or a significant other is unavailable, posting such information in the form of a blog, facebook, twitter or myspace is not proper etiquette and is really very unclassy. If there is an issue with someone, the best thing to do is take it up with the other person/people face to face and then move forward leaving the past in the past, with a clear mind to focus on the positives!

I want everyone to feel comfortable when they visit 'Classy & Fabulous!' and I am committed to keeping this a drama-free zone both in content and comments. I hope you find this to be an informative, sometimes funny and most of the time inspiring blog where you can relax.

So, what are your favorite and most inspiring blogs? Leave us a comment and share the URL so everyone can enjoy it too! :)

Have a wonderful weekend!