Showing posts with label table manners. Show all posts
Showing posts with label table manners. Show all posts

What Not To Do at a Restaurant Table

Friday, November 15, 2013


Today's post was inspired by a friend's Facebook status update that I read last night regarding her dinner out with her hubby. It went a little something like this.... " L and I are at a restaurant having dinner and this well dressed couple comes in and sits at a booth across from us. The lady pulls out a brush and proceeds to brush her hair at the table-what??!

I think this is proof that being well dressed and even possessing a wealth of money cannot buy you class. It is also evidence that most of us still have areas to improve upon it the manners and etiquette department. Some things just appear so innocent like swiping your lips with a wand of lip gloss to freshen up your color after a meal or in this case, grooming one's hair before dinner. Essentially, anything that resembles grooming activities that you would normally perform in your bathroom at home are off limits at a dinner table whether it be at a restaurant, dinner party or elsewhere.

This got me to thinking about all of those seemingly harmless things that so many do at tables all across the globe on a daily basis, offending others along the way. Some have become common place and seem less taboo such as having a cell phone on the table, however I think we can all agree it's still a no-no. Below is a short list of what not to do.





1. Picking teeth with a toothpick, business card corner or a fingernail- if you must use a toothpick, be sure to do so after the meal once you've left the table, preferably in the restroom. Your best bet is to carry a small roll of floss in your handbag and reach for it while you freshen up in the ladies room after a meal or mid-meal if you can feel a large piece of food or spice lodged between your teeth which could become a conversational distraction to you and others.

2. Lip gloss or Lipstick re-application is something that women seem to do in public in a variety of places but it's best avoided at the table as with all other personal grooming habits-take it to the ladies room. Some may argue that if they don't need to use liner, don't require a compact mirror and can do it in a flash that it's not a big deal. Please see tip #5 regarding the mystery of a lady.

3. Smoking is acceptable and welcomed at many cafes, restaurant patios and in some venues however this is a no-no at the table when others are eating and drinking. I assure you, nobody wants to look at an ash tray with cigarette butts and ashes on the table nor do they care to breathe in the toxic plume while they're enjoying the array of flavors before them. Even if everyone is finished their final course, it is still appropriate and most considerate to smoke outside away from company in a well ventilated area away from others coming and away from busy restaurant front entrance. If you happen to smoke, read more tips on the post I wrote about smoking etiquette.

4. Nails and hands in general can carry a lot of germs. Never bite fingernails, pick at them, file them and absolutely under no circumstances would you apply nail polish to them at the table. If you need to file a chipped or torn nail, the restroom once again is the place to be.

5. Makeup application such as a quick powder of the nose or blotting paper should be done in private. Not only is it impolite at the table but it is not ladylike, a classy woman never gives away her beauty enhancement secrets at the table while in the company of other women or men.  There is a sense of mystery to beauty that is lost when we choose to reveal such details by putting them on display.

6. Chewing gum needs to be disposed of before sitting down to a meal. If you find yourself with gum in your mouth after you've sat down, be sure to excuse yourself to the restroom to remove it and wash your hands thereafter. Many will gently spit chewing gum into a napkin or take the wad of gum out of their mouth with their hands and put it into a napkin but that is not sanitary and nobody at the table wants those images before they eat.

7. Cell phones should remain off at the table. Some say vibrate mode is appropriate while dining but it will only trigger the person carrying it to look and see and possibly attempt to text or respond to the alert in some way. If it's a business lunch among colleagues and everyone agrees to the protocol, it is acceptable however others in the restaurant don't care to hear your phone conversations so in my mind even that's still off limits. The best bet in any environment, if you're going to take the time to 'do lunch' or enjoy a meal with others is to turn it off completely where you won't be tempted to become distracted and turn off those who you're dining with. There are of course exceptions to every rule as in the case of cell phone etiquette, for both parents who have left their children and in someone else's care or the husband/significant other of a woman who is expecting should set to vibrate.

8. Touching one's nose, blowing one's noses and even sneezing or coughing need to be done in private with a tissue in hand, the restroom again is the place to go to avoid spreading germs.

9. Passing wind in either form is completely forbidden at the table however I'm amazed at how many still do it, namely belching. In some culture's it's considered to be a compliment to the chef! While that may be fine in other countries, in North America it most certainly is not. It's disgusting to both those you are dining with and others who have to bear witness to it.

10. Hair brushing (which of course was the prompt for today's post) or even combing seems harmless but stray hairs can come out while primping and a restaurant is an environment where food is served to many, it is never appropriate to groom your hair or even re-position hair clips at the table where hair could end up on your own or another person's table or in their food.




Do you want more etiquette tips on dining out? Take a peek at some of my previous posts here:

Table Etiquette

Restaurant Tipping Etiquette

Where to Place Your Handbag When Dining Out

Reader Request: Is it Ever Okay to Take Food From Another Person's Plate?

Have you ever dined out and found yourself in the presence of someone doing something that should not be done at a restaurant table? Feel free to share it in the comments below, I'd love to hear your own experiences!

Thanks for Reading!

XO




*image source

Reader Request: What's Mine is His?

Sunday, September 19, 2010

A few weeks ago, the Manners Monday series was focused on Table Etiquette and Manners as it pertains to dining in, dining out, and the sometimes uncomfortable interview over lunch.

After one particular post on table etiquette not only did I receive a few comments and some e-mails from all of you about the topic of 'food stealers' and sharing food, I also received a reader request in my inbox. I've been asked to keep her name anonymous. Our e-mail conversation is below:

Hi Karla,


At casual family dinners, my husband thinks it is okay to reach out and grab a piece of my food from my plate before he asks, and he does so with his fingers. I don't mind him having the food, but I think it is very rude to "pick" food from a person's plate then asking if it is okay that they have it after the fact.

I think if someone wants to try a portion of food from another's plate they should ask permission (even if it is a spouse) and then use a utensil, not their hands. My husband says I'm selfish and snooty for being that way. I say that is not the case. What do you think?

~Anonymous



Hi Anonymous,

Thanks for writing in! :) A few of my readers mentioned in the comments section that their husbands do the same thing, so you are not alone. You are completely correct for feeling that it's rude of him to have taken food from your plate without asking first, especially with his fingers. This is definitely poor manners.

If something is on our own plate it belongs to us, if it is on another person's plate, it belongs to them. Whether in a high end restaurant or in McDonald's, good manners always require asking first, even if it's only ONE french fry off of their plate. Close family members aren't exempt from the need to ask, in fact it is by asking first that we show our respect for one another and simultaneously teach our children what is considered polite, as they mimic the behavior they see.

When the other person agrees to share, you should typically let them portion out what they want to give you on a separate small plate or in a casual setting, transfer the food to your plate with their utensil. If they invite you to take what you like, be sure to use utensils, not fingers.

You are not being snooty or selfish in any way at all. In fact, I find it humorous how many times classy women and those that are polite get labeled as snooty. I received a reader request several  months ago on that very topic which you might be interested to read, it's titled 'Classy or Snooty?.

She then replied:

Dear Karla,


I very much appreciate you responding to my question about table manners and reaffirming my belief about what is considered "proper". Thank You! It really helps to hear another person's perspective on a topic that is still important in today's society, but many have become complacent about. You have been so helpful!


Thanks Again!


Sincerely,
~Anonymous 

Do you have family or friends that feel it's okay to steal your food or pick from your plate? How do you handle it? I'd love to hear from you!

I hope you all are having a fabulous weekend!

Manners Monday: Table Etiquette

Monday, August 2, 2010

While there isn’t a set of manners better or more important than another per se, I believe table manners are some of the most necessary. After all, we eat several times per day, often in the company of others-business clients; colleagues, family and friends. As such, I have chosen this for today’s topic.


Knowing and exhibiting proper table etiquette will allow you to ease through dining experience with polish and grace and are essential to professional success. The purpose of manners and etiquette is always to make others and yourself feel more comfortable, not less comfortable.

20 Table-Friendly Tips

1. Be properly dressed for the dining occasion. It is always better to arrive overdressed vs. underdressed.

2. Never speak with food in your mouth, and always chew with your mouth closed-I listed this first because it is without a doubt the most essential.

3. Always turn your cell phone off before preparing to dine with others.

4. Do not smoke at the table. It can ruin a good meal for others still eating and may not be accepted by everyone, especially non-smokers.

5. Place your napkin in your lap upon being seated.

6. Keep elbows at your sides and off of the table. Use good posture, avoid slouching or lean back in your chair, even if it’s late and you’re extremely tired.

7. If water is placed on the table, proper etiquette dictates that the closest person to it should offer to pour for everyone, being sure to serve themselves last. The same applies to coffee and tea also.

8. Resist the urge to order a dish that would be hard to eat with a knife and fork, you’ll only draw unwanted attention to yourself. Also, do not pick up anything with your fingers, except for bread. Foods like chicken wings or corn-on-the-cob should never be served or ordered at a formal dinner.

9. Do not order the most expensive items on the menu unless you are specifically told that it is okay to do so. Likewise, do not order an alcoholic drink unless your host does first. Should they choose to, it is acceptable for you to also have one but etiquette dictates that you should limit yourself to just that one. Should a server arrive at the table and ask you before the host has ordered, you can mention that you are still deciding.

10. Only season your food once you have tasted it first. When passing the salt and pepper it’s important to remember that they travel together like a bride & groom, so be sure to pass them both to the next person who requests either one.

11. Should you require something from across the table, always ask someone to pass it to you, it is never acceptable to reach across the table.

12. When at a formal table setting, always pick up and use utensils from the outside in towards the dinner plate. One you’ve picked up a utensil, it shouldn’t touch the table again. If it falls to the floor, do not pick it up and be sure to ask for a replacement.

13. While eating, be sure to slice food pieces small enough that you can eat what is on your fork in one bite. Do not leave half of the food on your utensil.

14. Cut one piece of food at a time and eat each piece before cutting another. Avoid cutting up food into small pieces on your plate all at once as if preparing to serve it to a toddler.

15. Never comment negatively about the food that is being served in someone’s home, but in a restaurant do mention what you would like changed so that you can enjoy your meal, especially as it pertains to items that are undercooked or overcooked.

16. Never move food from your plate to another person's plate or take food off of someone else's plate. Appetizer plates are fine for sharing and in such case your server should offer each person at the table some of each. In casual settings it would be appropriate for each person to take a bit of the appetizers, leaving enough for other guests.

17. Always try your best to keep pace with the other people you are dining with. Social etiquette requires that you shouldn’t finish your meal long after or before your dining companion does.

18. It is never okay to fix one’s hair, use a toothpick or otherwise pick teeth at the table, or apply lipstick or other makeup. The ladies’ room is the appropriate place to floss teeth, and get freshened up.

19. Try to visit the restroom if necessary upon arrival, before the meal begins or after all food has been cleared from the table. It is poor etiquette to leave the table in the middle of a meal. Only do so if it is an emergency.

20. When leaving the table, always be sure to push in your chair.

This is by no means a complete list as this is a topic that could bring about a whole book of recommendations and considerations. Instead of writing a really long post, I thought I’d ask you what tips you learned while growing up that really stuck with you, or that you now teach your own children as it pertains to table manners? I’d love to hear how you are doing things in your home.

Next week we'll be continuing this topic as we discuss place setting and how to set a table as per a reader's request.


Thank you for reading!

XO