What Not To Do at a Restaurant Table

Today's post was inspired by a friend's Facebook status update that I read last night regarding her dinner out with her hubby. It went a little something like this.... " L and I are at a restaurant having dinner and this well dressed couple comes in and sits at a booth across from us. The lady pulls out a brush and proceeds to brush her hair at the table-what??!

I think this is proof that being well dressed and even possessing a wealth of money cannot buy you class. It is also evidence that most of us still have areas to improve upon it the manners and etiquette department. Some things just appear so innocent like swiping your lips with a wand of lip gloss to freshen up your color after a meal or in this case, grooming one's hair before dinner. Essentially, anything that resembles grooming activities that you would normally perform in your bathroom at home are off limits at a dinner table whether it be at a restaurant, dinner party or elsewhere.

This got me to thinking about all of those seemingly harmless things that so many do at tables all across the globe on a daily basis, offending others along the way. Some have become common place and seem less taboo such as having a cell phone on the table, however I think we can all agree it's still a no-no. Below is a short list of what not to do.

1. Picking teeth with a toothpick, business card corner or a fingernail- if you must use a toothpick, be sure to do so after the meal once you've left the table, preferably in the restroom. Your best bet is to carry a small roll of floss in your handbag and reach for it while you freshen up in the ladies room after a meal or mid-meal if you can feel a large piece of food or spice lodged between your teeth which could become a conversational distraction to you and others.

2. Lip gloss or Lipstick re-application is something that women seem to do in public in a variety of places but it's best avoided at the table as with all other personal grooming habits-take it to the ladies room. Some may argue that if they don't need to use liner, don't require a compact mirror and can do it in a flash that it's not a big deal. Please see tip #5 regarding the mystery of a lady.

3. Smoking is acceptable and welcomed at many cafes, restaurant patios and in some venues however this is a no-no at the table when others are eating and drinking. I assure you, nobody wants to look at an ash tray with cigarette butts and ashes on the table nor do they care to breathe in the toxic plume while they're enjoying the array of flavors before them. Even if everyone is finished their final course, it is still appropriate and most considerate to smoke outside away from company in a well ventilated area away from others coming and away from busy restaurant front entrance. If you happen to smoke, read more tips on the post I wrote about smoking etiquette.

4. Nails and hands in general can carry a lot of germs. Never bite fingernails, pick at them, file them and absolutely under no circumstances would you apply nail polish to them at the table. If you need to file a chipped or torn nail, the restroom once again is the place to be.

5. Makeup application such as a quick powder of the nose or blotting paper should be done in private. Not only is it impolite at the table but it is not ladylike, a classy woman never gives away her beauty enhancement secrets at the table while in the company of other women or men.  There is a sense of mystery to beauty that is lost when we choose to reveal such details by putting them on display.

6. Chewing gum needs to be disposed of before sitting down to a meal. If you find yourself with gum in your mouth after you've sat down, be sure to excuse yourself to the restroom to remove it and wash your hands thereafter. Many will gently spit chewing gum into a napkin or take the wad of gum out of their mouth with their hands and put it into a napkin but that is not sanitary and nobody at the table wants those images before they eat.

7. Cell phones should remain off at the table. Some say vibrate mode is appropriate while dining but it will only trigger the person carrying it to look and see and possibly attempt to text or respond to the alert in some way. If it's a business lunch among colleagues and everyone agrees to the protocol, it is acceptable however others in the restaurant don't care to hear your phone conversations so in my mind even that's still off limits. The best bet in any environment, if you're going to take the time to 'do lunch' or enjoy a meal with others is to turn it off completely where you won't be tempted to become distracted and turn off those who you're dining with. There are of course exceptions to every rule as in the case of cell phone etiquette, for both parents who have left their children and in someone else's care or the husband/significant other of a woman who is expecting should set to vibrate.

8. Touching one's nose, blowing one's noses and even sneezing or coughing need to be done in private with a tissue in hand, the restroom again is the place to go to avoid spreading germs.

9. Passing wind in either form is completely forbidden at the table however I'm amazed at how many still do it, namely belching. In some culture's it's considered to be a compliment to the chef! While that may be fine in other countries, in North America it most certainly is not. It's disgusting to both those you are dining with and others who have to bear witness to it.

10. Hair brushing (which of course was the prompt for today's post) or even combing seems harmless but stray hairs can come out while primping and a restaurant is an environment where food is served to many, it is never appropriate to groom your hair or even re-position hair clips at the table where hair could end up on your own or another person's table or in their food.

Do you want more etiquette tips on dining out? Take a peek at some of my previous posts here:

Table Etiquette

Restaurant Tipping Etiquette

Where to Place Your Handbag When Dining Out

Reader Request: Is it Ever Okay to Take Food From Another Person's Plate?

Have you ever dined out and found yourself in the presence of someone doing something that should not be done at a restaurant table? Feel free to share it in the comments below, I'd love to hear your own experiences!

Thanks for Reading!

XO




*image source

Manners Monday: How to Properly Set a Table

Ladies, forgive me if you stopped by for yesterday's Manners' Monday post and didn't see it. I left it in draft mode and forgot to set it for auto-publish! The past few days have very busy and I've been mostly offline but I wanted to post this today instead of saving it for next week. As promised, we're continuing the topic of Table Etiquette and Part 2 is all about how to properly set a table. With the upcoming holiday season just around the corner (crazy, isn't it?), I thought this would be a relevant post for many of you.

There are two types of table settings: informal and formal. Whether dining out at a restaurant or in another's home or hosting guests in your home, here is what you can expect as well as what you'll need to know as it pertains to table settings. Below is some solid adivce and diagrams of each type of setting, beginning with the more casual affair.

This is the easiest of the two, involving the least amount of tableware as there are less courses involved. This is your basic everyday table setting, one that you might already set each night for dinner in your own home. For some of you that dine very casually or live alone and pay less attention and may have wondered which side the fork, knife and spoon go on, here is your answer. They are placed on the side in which you are required to hold them when cutting and eating. This is considered proper etiquette vs. cutting up much of your food and then switching the fork to your right hand to eat your meal.

Rules for a proper place setting

A meal that requires a formal place setting will consist of salad, bread, soup, drinks and a main course with dessert and coffee following.

Silverware

A formal table set with every imaginable piece of silverware can appear daunting, but things will go smoothly if you remember one important rule: start from the outside and work your way in toward the dinner plate. After a course is completed, the server will remove the appropriate silverware that will no longer be required. If there is something still in question, as a last resort you can follow the lead of your host.

Also upon finishing your meal, place your silverware at a 4:00 to 10:00 angle with the knife blade facing you. This position will let your server know that your plate is ready to be cleared.


1. Similar to the informal place setting, again forks are placed on the left of the dinner plate, knives and spoons go on the right.

2. Silverware is to be placed on the table in the order it will be used; silverware that will be used first should be  set to the farthest left and right sides of the plate.

3. Knives should be placed with their cutting-edge toward the dinner plate, except the butter knife which should be laid flat on a bread plate.

4. Utensils should be roughly 1/2 inch away from the plate and should be lined up evenly by using the bottoms as measure.

5. Dessert silverware can be placed at the table setting if you wish or brought out later just before dessert arrives. The dessert fork and/or spoon should be centered above and parallel to the dinner plate.

6. For any type of place setting, avoid using more silverware than the meal calls for.

Plates and bowls

1. The bread plate should be placed to the right and slightly above the salad plate.

2. Salad plates are placed to the left and just above the forks.

3. Dinner plates should be placed about 2 inches from the table's edge, centered on the place mat or squarely in front of the chair for a proper place setting.

4. Soup bowls are placed on top of the dinner plates.
5. For a formal place setting, when serving multiple courses, the host may opt to serve each course on separate serving plates.

6. Clear dishes and utensils after each course is finished by all at the table.

Cups and glasses

1. Water glasses should be placed above the dinner knife, with other drinking glasses arranged neatly nearby the water glass and to the right.

2. Coffee cups and saucers may be placed on the table to the right of the knife and spoon.

Napkins and name cards

1. For a less formal proper place setting, napkins are placed either on the plate or to the left of the forks. For a more formal place setting, napkins are placed inside a drinking glass whereby a server may place it in your lap upon being seated at the table.

2. Name cards are always a good idea for formal place settings, especially if the dinner party is large (such as a wedding). The card should be placed above the dessert utensil and to the left of the drinking glasses.

3. During the meal the napkin should always be placed in your lap. If you must excuse yourself from the table, the napkin should be left on the arm or seat of your chair, or to the left of your plate as a last resort (as dirty napkins on the table are never appealing).When everyone at your table is through with dessert, you can fold your napkin neatly to the right or left of your plate.

Courses During the Meal

It is important to remember not to begin eating until everyone else at the table has been served first. Always offer salt, pepper and dressing to others before using it yourself. All items that are in need of being passed around the table from person to person should be done in a clockwise fashion (to your left).

Bread

Always offer to others before serving yourself. Never butter your bread directly from the butter dish, regardless of if you will be sharing or using it only for yourself. Instead, place some butter directly on your bread plate. Also, do not butter your roll or slice of bread all at once; break off pieces and butter each one at a time as you eat them. *You'll notice this is the same theme to eating your entree, cutting before each opposed to slicing everything up ahead of time.

Soup

The best way to spoon soup is away from you, which avoids splashing. Don't crumble your crackers into your bowl, instead break a piece of and eat it before or after a spoon of soup. If your soup happens to contain noodles, it is acceptable to cut them with the edge of your spoon to create bite-sized pieces.

Salad

When eating a salad, if there are a few pieces that are too large for your liking, be sure to slice them ahead of time then place your knife (with the blade facing you) across your butter plate. Cherry tomatoes can be tricky and messy, it is best to pierce them with the sharpest point of your knife.

Entree

When eating any entree be sure to always eat bite by bite, avoid cutting all or large portions of your meal beforehand. Always be sure to point fork prongs downward, especially when cutting meat. Take small bites and avoid mentioning that you are "stuffed" or "really full" at the table as it is not classy to overeat.

Dessert

Your dessert spoon or fork can be moved to the left side of your place setting as soon as your dinner plate is removed. When eating apple pie or any other dessert a la mode, it is proper to use both the fork and spoon. The fork is used in your right hand while a small dollop of ice cream can be added/pushed onto the forkful of pie with the spoon in your left hand.

A Final Note

As always, if you have been invited into someones home for a meal, it is a good idea to mail out a thank you card no more than 48 hours after attending the event. Of course, before leaving, be sure to thank the host for the invitation and meal and thank the other guests at your table for their dining conversation.

Again, by no means is this a complete, exhaustive list, but these tips will lead you through any dining adventure with confidence!

Part 3 will continue next Monday and will conclude the Manners Monday series on dining, after which we'll be diving into some other topics as they pertain to manners. Consider this series your crash course on table etiquette here at The Classy Woman. If you missed last week's post (Part 1), you can click to read the post on Table Etiquette now.

Do you enjoy entertaining? How often do you host dinner guests in your home? Maybe you prefer to dine out and leave the mess in someone else's kitchen? I'd love to hear about your dining habits. :)

Thank you for reading!

XO



*image credits

Manners Monday: Table Etiquette

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While there isn’t a set of manners better or more important than another per se, I believe table manners are some of the most necessary. After all, we eat several times per day, often in the company of others-business clients; colleagues, family and friends. As such, I have chosen this for today’s topic.


Knowing and exhibiting proper table etiquette will allow you to ease through dining experience with polish and grace and are essential to professional success. The purpose of manners and etiquette is always to make others and yourself feel more comfortable, not less comfortable.

20 Table-Friendly Tips

1. Be properly dressed for the dining occasion. It is always better to arrive overdressed vs. underdressed.

2. Never speak with food in your mouth, and always chew with your mouth closed-I listed this first because it is without a doubt the most essential.

3. Always turn your cell phone off before preparing to dine with others.

4. Do not smoke at the table. It can ruin a good meal for others still eating and may not be accepted by everyone, especially non-smokers.

5. Place your napkin in your lap upon being seated.

6. Keep elbows at your sides and off of the table. Use good posture, avoid slouching or lean back in your chair, even if it’s late and you’re extremely tired.

7. If water is placed on the table, proper etiquette dictates that the closest person to it should offer to pour for everyone, being sure to serve themselves last. The same applies to coffee and tea also.

8. Resist the urge to order a dish that would be hard to eat with a knife and fork, you’ll only draw unwanted attention to yourself. Also, do not pick up anything with your fingers, except for bread. Foods like chicken wings or corn-on-the-cob should never be served or ordered at a formal dinner.

9. Do not order the most expensive items on the menu unless you are specifically told that it is okay to do so. Likewise, do not order an alcoholic drink unless your host does first. Should they choose to, it is acceptable for you to also have one but etiquette dictates that you should limit yourself to just that one. Should a server arrive at the table and ask you before the host has ordered, you can mention that you are still deciding.

10. Only season your food once you have tasted it first. When passing the salt and pepper it’s important to remember that they travel together like a bride & groom, so be sure to pass them both to the next person who requests either one.

11. Should you require something from across the table, always ask someone to pass it to you, it is never acceptable to reach across the table.

12. When at a formal table setting, always pick up and use utensils from the outside in towards the dinner plate. One you’ve picked up a utensil, it shouldn’t touch the table again. If it falls to the floor, do not pick it up and be sure to ask for a replacement.

13. While eating, be sure to slice food pieces small enough that you can eat what is on your fork in one bite. Do not leave half of the food on your utensil.

14. Cut one piece of food at a time and eat each piece before cutting another. Avoid cutting up food into small pieces on your plate all at once as if preparing to serve it to a toddler.

15. Never comment negatively about the food that is being served in someone’s home, but in a restaurant do mention what you would like changed so that you can enjoy your meal, especially as it pertains to items that are undercooked or overcooked.

16. Never move food from your plate to another person's plate or take food off of someone else's plate. Appetizer plates are fine for sharing and in such case your server should offer each person at the table some of each. In casual settings it would be appropriate for each person to take a bit of the appetizers, leaving enough for other guests.

17. Always try your best to keep pace with the other people you are dining with. Social etiquette requires that you shouldn’t finish your meal long after or before your dining companion does.

18. It is never okay to fix one’s hair, use a toothpick or otherwise pick teeth at the table, or apply lipstick or other makeup. The ladies’ room is the appropriate place to floss teeth, and get freshened up.

19. Try to visit the restroom if necessary upon arrival, before the meal begins or after all food has been cleared from the table. It is poor etiquette to leave the table in the middle of a meal. Only do so if it is an emergency.

20. When leaving the table, always be sure to push in your chair.

This is by no means a complete list as this is a topic that could bring about a whole book of recommendations and considerations. Instead of writing a really long post, I thought I’d ask you what tips you learned while growing up that really stuck with you, or that you now teach your own children as it pertains to table manners? I’d love to hear how you are doing things in your home.

Next week we'll be continuing this topic as we discuss place setting and how to set a table as per a reader's request.


Thank you for reading!

XO