Long Distance Love: 6 Months Later...

As I read through the recent feedback from the Classy & Fabulous survey, some of you expressed that you would like me to share more about my experiences regarding my long distance marriage.

When this journey began, I had actually planned all along to share an update around the six month mark, I didn't want to share too much more in between at the risk of boring anyone that wasn't interested in those details. If you're a new reader and this is all news to you, here is the {original post} where I mentioned our decision.

What I've learned from both the sweet readers that commented on my original post and through the survey response comments is that I am not alone. There is something very comforting about knowing that my experience is shared by others. Many of you are going through something similar as one of you persues higher education, a new job or have a spouse off at war and can relate to long distance love.  Sometimes it feels as though, while others try to be sympathetic, that nobody around you really relates to what you're going through, so the blog world has been a blessing as I've got to 'meet' other women who share a similar story.

We reached the six month mark today which means hubby will come home again for spring break and then in  3 months so we can share the summer together again. I've learned a lot about myself and our relationship in this short time and I still can't believe how quickly the time has flown by! It's gone by a lot faster than I imagined but buckle up, this is a long post!

Where do I begin? During this journey there have been soooo many different emotions I've experienced on an almost daily basis and decisions that I've questioned many times along the way too. It's definitely been a learning experience and a time of growth for both of us, as a couple and as individuals.

Before I was 'on board' with the idea, it was Paul's idea alone. He was looking at schools in many states and countries, while he ended up choosing NYU, one serious consideration was a school in England, although at that time I had no idea how seriously he was taking the idea of getting his Masters Degree. It began with him searching online then requesting information packets from multiple universities and applying for scholarships, once those started coming in, we had to sit down and have a serious 'family discusssion'. While I was open minded to the idea, I was somewhat resistant initially. I knew we'd be taking out school loans which would be a financial burden, I also knew the inevitable move would be a factor.

In my mind, moving here was already an adjustment and I didn't know if I wanted to go through all of that all over again. I really wrestled with feeling as though he was being selfish when we still had other dreams together like starting a family that had already been put on hold long enough (at least in my mind-thanks to my loud ticking biological clock). I also tried to see it from his perspective and then felt like I would be the selfish one if I were to hold him back from perusing his goals and dreams. This was never something that we had discussed prior to getting married. Because we had both gone to school already and had degrees and Paul held a couple already, I had always expected that we'd continue to learn and grow on our own and as a couple by taking various courses and programs but I never envisioned a big move or a long distance relationship after the one we endured while dating. I think I was reacting more to the instability which would once again take me out of my comfort zone.

At that time, I weighed the pros and cons and considered the current state of the economy and where we were at and where each path may lead: having him stay and continue to work here or going for the Masters Degree to have many more opportunities and a chance to do something different that we both knew he would enjoy. I thought back to how he supported my decision to start my interior design business once I moved down to Florida knowing that it wouldn't immediately bring in income the way that a full time job would. I also remember going for a walk with a close girlfriend one particular morning after the decision was made, I listened to her excitement as she revealed that she and her husband were going to begin 'trying' for a baby. I remember feeling so thrilled for her but inside I felt a little sad knowing that for us, that dream would be put on hold once again.

After everything was set in motion and Paul left for NYC, I spent all of my time focusing on my business, blogging, the odd day out with my girlfriends, caring for our home and yard and basically filling my time with projects so I wouldn't have the time to notice he wasn't around. I kept telling myself that he was just away on a long trip. It actually helped. From the beginning we've tried to speak daily late at night before bed so each other's voice is the last one we hear. We began writing each other cards like we used to and I sent him a couple care packages as a surprise when he first moved into his new apartment.

Holidays have been so much more fun and something to look forward to when he comes home or we meet somewhere like we did when we were in South America during Christmas. Seeing him, hearing his voice, feeling his arms wrapped around me always feels familiar but new all at the same time. Where previously seeing each other everyday wasn't a huge celebration per se, now we cherish those times and make special plans during the days we can spend together. It's taught me to take in every moment and hold onto each in a greater way, because everyday is a gift. I learned a greater respect for time in general and actually feel guilty when I'm not a good steward of it or waste time doing something frivolous.

Six months in I feel at peace. I'll admit, there are benefits to living alone, things that I missed when I got married and we moved in together. For one, we were sharing a car beforehand and now I have it all to myself which is a huge luxury. The house is always quiet, peaceful and clean which is a nice bonus. I can play music in the background while I work without worry about distracting hubby whose home office is next to mine. Those are just a few, and while they are nice, I'm always aware that they don't compare to cuddling, kissing and sleeping next to my honey. I'm gladly willing to trade it all to have him back.

Although we're not there yet, I'm still excited about the prospect of children but for now my mind is focused on what I can accomplish that I've always dreamed of in the time that Paul completes school. Really, in an odd way, it's a gift that we've been given. We're both very independent people and the time to focus on ourselves, growing, learning and achieving our dreams, even if we aren't right beside each other every day or every step of the way, is a blessing. If you had told me that six months ago, I would have called you crazy. There are things that I've been working towards for a while that would not be impossible, but much more difficult to accomplish, once a child enters the picture. I can't help but view this time as a gift that God has given me, maybe a last chance if you will, to be completely selfish and indulgent before giving my everything and a great deal of my attention to our future children and to Paul once he's back home.

In taking on greater responsibilities, like being responsible for earning extra money and new tasks around the house, I have also come to respect my husband in a greater way for things that I may have taken for granted before. He is the chief leaf raker at our house and he was almost always was the one to take our car in when it needed an oil change or to be serviced. It's in those moments that I'm reminded of the little things that mean so much and help keep everything running smoothly. I have come to love and appreciate Paul in a greater way without him even being here. He is taking on more responsibility as well and while this was a sacrifice for me, it's also a big one for him too as he left the comfort of his own home to live in a tiny apartment away from family and friends and everything familiar. He knows this is what he signed up for and although challenging at times, I've rarely heard him express frustration.

This time has also forced me to trust God in an even greater capacity and lean on Him more as my source for everything-finances, opportunities, resolving day-to-day 'stuff', strength and patience.  In every way He has shown himself to be a provider, faithful and strong. I have really enjoyed taking little breaks from my workday and sitting in any room of our quiet home to pray, be still or listen to music and worship Him without interruption, being grateful for all that I have, even if things weren't exactly the way I hoped, expected or planned. 

That is the biggest lesson really. No matter where we are, what we planned on, what we've dreamed of vs. what our reality is at this present moment, we are never alone, He is always with us and we are always exactly where we are supposed to be, even when we want to fight it every step of the way. He has big plans for us, if we would just be willing to embrace them and trust.

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

~Jeremiah 29:11

Thanks for reading! I hope you'll stop by tomorrow for a fun giveaway to kick off the month of March. If you haven't shared your feedback via my blog survey, I'd love to hear from you {here}.

Has anyone else had a long distance relationship? What is the biggest lesson you learned from it?


*images: phone, nyc, koala, pray

Reader Request: Etiquette for New Neighbors

I mentioned a few days ago in this Manners Monday post that one of my readers, Amy from California, wrote in asking about etiquette as it pertains to being the new neighbor on the block. They will soon be getting married and moving from the bustling city of San Francisco to the suburbs in Boise, Idaho.

This is what Amy wrote in asking:

Karla,

My fiance (our day is in the coming August) and I are moving to a suburb in a whole new state. I understand you have done your share of pulling up and settling down thousands of miles away from "home," I wondered if you'd give me your opinion on what is the etiquette for being the newcomers on the block.

How can we (in a classy manner) simply introduce ourselves to the neighbors and what are the ways that we can explore in building a social network in a new place?

Thank you,
Amy

This was how I responded...

Dear Amy,

Thanks for writing, I love to hear from my readers! :) First of all, congratulations on your engagement and I think it's great that you're stretching yourselves and moving to a new area, albeit unfamiliar.

It's true, I moved multiple times as a child, then as an adult, most recently I moved from Toronto, Canada to Orlando, FL 4 years ago which has been interesting. While the area was new to me, my husband had lived in our now home for many years and grew up here (it was his grandparent's home) so it was a different process for me-he was familiar with it all and I was learning the ins and outs for the first time. I think there is something special though about experiencing a move to a new town with a significant other.

As far as etiquette goes as the newcomers, if you're moving into a home or town home you'll generally find that more established neighbors on your street will see the moving truck and will become curious and make their way over to introduce themselves and offer to be of help as you get settled. If they don't come over on moving day (they may want to give you space), they'll definitely see you while you get the mail, walk the dog (if you have one) or go for a walk yourselves, or even take out the trash.

However, if for some reason this is not your experience, by all means, grab your honey and introduce yourselves to the neighbors. Perhaps you'll see them playing with their children outside, bringing in the recycle bins, etc. You'll definitely at the very least want to get to know the neighbors on either side of you as well as those across the street from you, however it's not necessary to go door-to-door and introduce yourselves to each neighbor. With street parties, local community events and other scenarios, you're bound to meet those that reside around you soon enough and one neighbor is bound to introduce you to some of the others.

The whole moving experience will feel so much more pleasant once you get to know a few neighbors that you can turn to for questions or help if you need to. They can be a great source of information-the best grocery stores, they may also have valuable contact for contractors/handy man, painters, etc. Don't be disheartened if your neighbors seem to keep to themselves, this is especially common in the cooler months but by introducing yourselves and getting to know your neighbors you'll show yourselves to be friendly.

As far as branching out socially, if it's a city where the two of you won't know anyone else, or many others, the website: www.MeetUp.com is highly recommended and exists in every city. I didn't discover it until I was living in FL for nearly 2 years but once I did, I got to meet a lot of great people who were also in the same place in their life, similar age group with similar interests and even started my own women's group on it which has been a blast! It's a great way to get to know local eateries, shopping areas and learn about local parks, activities, etc. It was the single best thing I did besides buying a GPS. ;)

Other areas for you to branch out socially might happen naturally if you set up a library account, explore churches in your area (if that's of interest) and be sure to ask friends if they know of anyone in your area. You never know, a friend of a friend might be able to introduce you to things and places you might not have thought of and you might make a new friend that way too.

I hope this is helpful. Your questions have actually given me inspiration for a couple future posts on moving and etiquette. I hope your upcoming move is extremely stress-free and that you love your new home and city!

Warmly,
Karla

I'd love to hear how you got settled into your neighborhood and how you set up your social network in a new town!

The Transformation of a Flower Bouquet

There's something about springtime that makes me want to fill my whole home with beautiful and fragrant blooms. After a cold and damp winter their bright colors and soft texture really help to soften a space.

Last week I mentioned in this post that my hubby so sweetly arranged to have a floral bouquet delivered in his absence. I was so happy to see one week later that my bouquet was still going strong and looked almost as nice as it did when it arrived at my door.

I love switching things up, playing around and turning something lovely into something even more beautiful. So, this morning I separated the red roses, pink carnations, red carnations and white daisies (see last image in this post). I clipped the ends to give them longer life and corralled 12 different small vases and set them up on my kitchen counter to fill each with a small arrangement of similar hued groupings. It's so lovely to have fresh  flowers in every room of our home.

I didn't love the last glass vase I had left over for the rest of my pink carnations (first image) so I used a white teapot instead. Isn't it cute? I love the cottage charm is provides.

I rarely show photos of my outdated 1960's bathroom but here is an image from our guest bathroom. Yup, it's YELLOW! The Tub, sink, toilet, towel bar and a few inset tiles on our white tile floor are this sunshine color. Without the funds for a full bathroom renovation right now, I've transformed it little by little and kept the bathroom palette airy and pastel to work with the existing counter tops and all that yellow.

This along with another small arrangement on the window ledge are the perfect addition to keep this bathroom looking pretty. The 'vase' is actually and old reed diffuser bottle that used to be filled with oil that I bought from Pottery barn. I loved the blue and cream label and shape, it worked out perfect for my flowers.

Throughout the year when your flower arrangements start to wither, pull everything out of the vase and keep only the best, freshest looking flowers. Change things up, mix a few colors or let all the individual colors fly solo and you can get some extra mileage from them that can brighten multiple rooms in your home.

In case you were wondering, this was the original Valentine bouquet (above) that I started with. The pair of red roses are sitting on my desk by my laptop so I can think of my honey while I work. ;)


I like using vintage tea tins, water pitchers, white teapots, reed diffuser bottles, teacups and to add a pop of color. I sometimes repurpose the glass bottles from Izze drinks as a vase just because their labels are so fun and they are plentiful in our house since they're a favorite drink around here. They also happen to make a perfect party drink too!

What unique containers do you like to collect and arrange your flowers in?


*Photo credit: izze