Manners Monday: Conversation Topics to Avoid

Welcome back to the Manners Monday series! Today I'll be sharing how we relate to others-particularly strangers and acquaintances whether it be at a party or a work function as it pertains to topics of conversation.

During the summer I've had the opportunity to attend several parties, backyard BBQ's and other events. With such events comes the meeting of new people, often friends of friends. While some might want to pour their heart out to a friend over recent events in our life, we must refrain from doing so with those that we've just met. In addition, there are many great conversation starters and various topics that are completely acceptable, on the contrary there are also many to steer clear of as well.

I want to begin on a positive note, here are some great topics to focus on as you are newly introduced to someone or engage in conversation with strangers.

If you're being introduced, hopefully the host will have mentioned something that he/she knew you had in common. If that isn't the case, one of the best ways to begin a conversation at an event is to ask how they know the host or person being honored at the event. You can never go wrong here since you already have something in common by being in the same place, and it is bound to open the door to more commonality that you can branch off of.

Begin by asking other questions, avoid talking all about yourself out of nervous habit. Be aware of questions that are very personal such as health or relationship troubles, status, etc. Instead, you can ask about a new movie, tv show, a new restaurant in the area, local happenings or compliment them on something you truly admire such as their shoes or handbag. I don't know anyone that doesn't enjoy a genuine compliment and it is bound to start a conversation in the direction of something you are both interested in.

The particular mood of the event should match the tone of conversation. If you're at a funeral, that is not the best time to talk about your date the night before or your upcoming trip to the Caribbean. On the flip side, if you're at a lively party, it is not a good time to discuss the details of your divorce or the death of a loved one.

When you are conversing in  a group, it is important to let everyone have a turn to speak but also to speak about topics that everyone can enjoy. Speaking to a group of 6 about something that only you and one of your colleagues can relate too is a sure way to not only bore the group but make them feel like outsiders.

"Conversation is the art of never appearing a bore, of knowing how to say everything interestingly, to entertain with no matter what, to be charming with nothing at all."

~Guy de Maupassant

 

6 Topics to be Mindful Of:

1. Sex-Although there are many people of all ages who feel completely comfortable sharing their escapades with perfect strangers, it can be perceived by many as inappropriate and distasteful. What one finds completely acceptable, another might view as being completely disgusting. It's best to keep this topic under wraps. It's also a good idea to avoid discussing adultery or making comments and gossiping about couples that you know of who are in that predicament. You never know if someone else may know someone you know. Besides, gossiping is just not classy.

2. Money- Among close friends and in private, this isn't as much of a faux pas but in the company of strangers, discussing money has a tendency to make others feel uncomfortable. For someone that doesn't have much of it, they might start to feel inadequate and it will cause them to now focus on it instead of enjoy their surroundings. Also, the person discussing it will just come across as materialistic which is never a good quality in anyone. It is never acceptable to ask anyone how much they earn likewise, it is best to leave the details of your salary out of the equation.  If you want to ask a trusted friend to compare and ensure you are being paid what you are worth, do so privately, not in the company of others. Even then, your friend might not be interested in divulging that information so use discretion there. Again, avoid idle gossip or discussing the financial situation of others. This happens a lot in families and in circles of friends but it truly is none of anyone else's business.

3. Religion- This topic should probably come as no surprise, but I'm still amazed at the amount of people that feel the need to push their opinions and religious practices on others, especially complete strangers! A person's faith is a personal decision and nobody should be made to feel bad about it. There are those that truly do have more interest and questions rather than than comments, but asking the same person mulitple questions could start to feel like they are on trial and they may not want to be subject to that line of questioning and being responsible to represent a whole faith group. This is especially true if this same religion has been recently under attack in the media. While you don't need to avoid it completely, it's best to tread lightly with this one unless you are at church with others that share your same beliefs.

4. Health Issues- We all discuss health at some point-eating better, choosing organic, how to avoid x,y, or z. But aside from your close friends or your physician, it's best to keep this topic to a minimum. Avoid all conversation around extended illness and surgeries. It can be a depressing topic that doesn't do much in the way of maintaining an upbeat environment. If you're at an event surrounding food or at a party, it is best to avoid speaking on anything pertaining to this topic, you wouldn't want to turn someone off of food for the evening.

5. Politics-A favorite conversation of many that often gets carried away and can greatly offend others. It is best to avoid asking strangers which political party they support, who they are going to vote for and/or why. While often deep and lively, conversation around politics can stir some great debates and  can leave a few feeling attacked if not handled carefully.

Conversations around politics are usually best brought up around friends or close family members that know how you feel and won't be offended by your personal stance as they you know it is just a debate rather than attack on their personal character if you don't share the same political interest.

6. Family & Siblings- This last one might come as a bit of a surprise, however you'd be amazed at the amount of people that have had sibling rivalries, grew up with a sibling that was the 'favorite' or had less-than-wonderful memories of their childhood upbringing as it pertains to their parents. When asked about their extended family or if they have any siblings, it could bring up a lot of negative emotions and unresolved issues that they may not be prepared to discuss. It is best to avoid asking this topic unless they bring it up. Likewise, asking a married couple if/when they plan on having children might seem completely innocent but could bring up feelings of inadequacy and sadness if they are having difficulty conceiving.

With the holiday season quickly approaching, I thougtht I'd share a really neat gift-giving idea which is great as a conversation starter during dinner and house parties. Table Topics is a company offers numerous decks of cards that are great for parties or the dinner table. I also thought these placecards were a neat and affordable option too.This would also make a fun DIY project/gift for someone too by using fun cardstock designs and creating your own conversation questions.

As with all topics in the Manners Monday series, this is  by no means a complete list, but my hope is that it may help you think about topics of conversation in a new way or serves as a little refresher. What topics of conversation do discuss with perfect strangers or new acquaintances? Which ones do you completely avoid and why?

I'd love to hear your personal experiences and what YOU have to say, leave a comment and let us know! :)


XO

How I Found FREE Money in My Bank Account

Before moving to the U.S. I was a single bank kind of gal. I preferred to do all transactions through one particular bank which was recognized internationally and thankfully I can still use the same bank here too.

Once I moved to Florida, I was lured in to signing up for new accounts as all of them seemed to offer free money simply by creating a new account, and many allowed myself as well as the person that referred me, to each earn cash in the form of a visa gift card. Who can say no to that?

You might be thinking, who needs multiple bank accounts? Well, I have two for personal and two for business, it just makes things so much easier when I receive checks from my design clients for my services and for their personal furnishings, which I need to keep separate.

To date, I've earned a cool $100 just by opening up new accounts, but I'll admit one of them is now never used and it's my Bank of America account. I typically look at my bank accounts online several times per week to make sure debits and credits are accurate and keep tabs on my finances. I hadn't looked at my BOM account for a few months because I knew the balance was very low but I happened to log in this morning and what do you know, there was $7.11 more in my account than there was before!

Bank of America offers a 'keep the change' program which allows you to save more money. They simply round all purchases up to the nearest dollar and add the change to your savings account. That's not the great part though-they will match your contribution at the end of the year! So, if you make a lot of purchases and won't miss 30 cents here and 50 cents there, you'll be on your way to saving in no time!

Now, I realize $7.11 is nothing to jump up and down about but considering I had already moved a lot of the "rounded up change" that was in that account into my checking account over the months I used this account, I was really surprised that there would be anything more. Well, that and the fact that I very rarely used this account. Imagine what you could do if you made it your primary account! They offer a tool on their site so you can estimate those numbers.

It is a free program and I highly encourage you all to join if you haven't already. Another fun perk is that they let you choose a personalized design for your debit card from a menu of designs through their 'my expressions' program. I chose the pink hello kitty card. A little juvenile yes, but cashiers everywhere think it's super cute too.

Do you use Bank of America and have you taken advantage of this program? How much money have you been able to save? Do you bank elsewhere with a similar program? Share it with us!

Here's to easy savings!



*I am not compensated in any way by Bank of America, this is merely personal experience that I wanted to share. Also, the above image is not of my personal card, it is a web image.

Travel Tips Part 2: Don't leave home without it!

The old slogan remains true-don't leave home without your American Express or whichever credit card of choice you possess. By the way, that wasn't supposed to rhyme. LOL. Beyond the plastic, here is a list of items you won't want to travel without!

Before I leave for any trip I ALWAYS write out a list of what I'll want to bring (maybe a little Type A but hey that's me, I like to be prepared). I usually start it about a week before I leave so I can edit it or add to it and make a quick run to a store if necessary. Remember, anything will almost always be cheaper in your home country so buy it before you depart.

Travel Must-Haves

1. Passport-If you haven't travelled in a while, I'll fill you in-you need a passport to travel now when leaving the U.S. Before it used to be that you could carry your driver's license and birth certificate. That is no longer in effect as of this year. Make sure before you travel you give yourself enough time to go an apply for your passport along with get a photo made. In most cases it can be expedited for a fee if you're really pressed for time. Also, if you haven't travelled in a few years, check the expiry and make sure yours is still valid-don't assume.

2. Camera, Batteries & Memory Cards-Sometimes the most obvious things to pack are the ones that somehow slip our minds. This happens to me all the time at the grocery store, that's why lists are so important. If your camera takes rechargeables or has a battery charger-bring it with you! You can always buy disposable batteries if needed but the rechargeables are cheaper in the longrun and of course better for the environment too. :) This all applies to your video camera too. Be sure to bring extra tapes or memory cards. This past trip I brought nearly 3GB of memory card storage and it wasn't enough. The prices in Europe were horrific so I deleted a few not-so-important ones to accommodate. It's always better to have too much than not enough when it comes to precious travel memories.

3. Sunscreen and Aloe- With summer here bring a high SPF sunscreen with both UVA and UVB protection, and be sure to also pack some aloe too in case you do happen to get a little more pink than you had hoped for. This will save you shopping time and likely extra cash. By the way most people only use a sunscreen with UVA protection which means you may be reducing your chances of a burn but increasing your chances of photo-aging which means dark spots, fine lines and wrinkles. It's a good idea to use a waterproof sunscreen even if you're just touring a city-in really warm climates you'll sweat and it will wear off quicker, be prepared.

4. Money-Once again this may seem obvious but a lot of people solely rely on credit cards. If any type of emergency or unexpected expense were to occur, you want to be prepared. Also, a lot of places only accept cash. ie: subways, streetcars, street/shop vendors, tips for bellboys and cabdrivers, taxis, etc. Just be sure to have it tucked away safely-a waist belt is a good idea when travelling in foreign countries. I just came back from Rome where two people I spoke to had friends there that were pick-pocketed-No fun!

5. Cell Phone-While it could become costly to make calls out of your home country due to roaming charges, in some cases it could be a life saver as an emergency tool. Be sure to check the rates and inquire about all charges that would apply before leaving so there aren't any surprises.

6. Voltage Converter/Plug Adapter-These only apply if you are travelling outside of North America. If you are planning a trip to Asia, Europe, etc., you'll want to pick up a set of these. Other countries operate on other voltages and the converter will make sure your electric gadgets will work. Also, different plugs are uses so the outlets are different and your hairdryer, cell phone charger etc will not work unless you use these devices. A good set containing everything can be found for around $15. Cruise ships are generally the only exception. On my last cruise I discovered that they had outlets that catered to European and North American travellers.

7. Maps/Travel Guide Books-Many times if you are staying in a nice hotel they'll provide you with a map. It's always a good idea to pack one of those beforehand if you can. That way you can plot out what you'd like to see beforehand. I like to check out travel guides from the library to cut costs when travelling abroad. I was able to score one for every country we were travelling to. They usually have great advice on hotels, restaurants, shopping and what to see.

8. Comfortable Shoes-I'm a girly girl at heart and I LOVE cute shoes, especially pumps but they are not at all practical for travel other than a fancy dinner so I pack a lot of flats and a pair of running shoes for the gym. You'll want to have a few different choices. Flip flops are great for the beach and a casual walk, but not for an all-day hike, excursion or tour of a city. Your toes are forced to hold the shoes on and you can get pains in your shins-not worth it! I highly recommend some cushy ballet flats, walking shoes or running shoes and a pair of water shoes if needed like some cute slingback, ballet flat crocs. I hated crocs until I found these. It's not fun to get blisters halfway through your vacation. You can glam it up for a special event or a fancy dinner.

9. Vitamins/Prescription Meds-If you take medication or herbs and vitamins, don't forget to pack those as they'll be essential to how you feel while away. Many people ditch their multi and it is the precise time you'll want more energy as jet setting can be fun, but exhausting too.

10. Bathroom Stuff- Okay, so I called it bathroom stuff because this encompasses not only toiletries but also small appliances and female products. I made the mistake of not bringing my own female products on my honeymoon as I shouldn't have needed them but realized later I calculated wrong and did in fact need them! We were in Fiji at the time and I was stuck with buying tampons there that were uncomfortable and I was frustrated. It put a bit of a damper on things.Bring your own!

I don't know about you but I am not a fan of hotel shampoo, it leaves my hair feeling sticky and dry. If you're like me do pack your own 3oz sizes of shampoo, conditioner, body wash and don't forget your razor, toothpaste/brush, hair brushes and of course your own mini dryer and curling iron if need be. I'm not suggesting you should be a diva and pack loads of stuff but rather mini versions. I like using a curling iron for formal occasions and my hairdryer is tiny and light enough to not be a problem. I've been to hotels before where the dryer didn't work, it's nice to be prepared and have your own!

Here is an awesome packing tool that you can use to determine exactly what you need for your trip and it will even e-mail you the list!

By the way, if you missed my post on packing a carry-on bag-here is the link to Travel Tips: Part 1.

Happy Travels!

~Karla

How to Dress Classy on a Budget

For some women, the concept of dressing classy without spending much money seems impossible. Many equate Designer clothing and accessories with the look of class. You can still achieve the wardrobe you see in magazines and on the runway without emptying your wallet. It is a great feeling to get a bargain when an item looks much richer than what the price tag indicates.


Here are some simple tips to achieve a classy look whether you're heading to the office, the gym, or for a night on the town.

1. Basics for Work. Keep good basics in your wardrobe that are truly timeless and will last the test of time and fashion trends. Key basics include black dress pants. Have about 3 good quality pairs. You will want at least one pair to have a pin stripe which will give your body some length and add variety, as well as one pair with a cuff on the bottom, and one without. All pairs should have a crease running down the leg for that dressy look. Avoid anything with pleats which is currently outdated and tends to make you appear larger in the frontal area anyhow. DO invest in good quality, but inexpensive tops such as short sleeved and ¾ length tops with Lycra (to keep their shape) in both v-neck and round neck styles. I recommend black, white and red, if you cannot wear red, perhaps gray. These are key for under blazers with pants and can also be worn with jeans on a casual Friday.


You will about 3 nice black skirts, a pencil skirt, or slight A-line, one with a tasteful print and one that is more airy, flowing and fun. Dress shirts for women are more popular than ever. You will want to have some variety here. I recommend buying shirts that fit your shoulders and arm length properly and have a bit of Lycra or stretch fabric so you can move freely. Make sure the buttos across the chest don't gape open. These can be bought anywhere such as Winners, Ross for Less or department stores. Keep winter and summer colors.



Important to any business wardrobe is the suit. You will need a black, navy and lighter color suit such as camel or a paler gray for summer. You can wear your blazer with your skirts too, no need to buy a skirt suit. When buying shoes keep the same in mind, find at least 3 comfortable pairs of shoes, perhaps a pair of flats, and 2 pairs of heels, one lower and the other a higher pump style. I don't believe in having all the colors of the rainbow on my shoe rack, especially when on a budget. Black and brown always work, throw in a pair of camel or red in for fun. The overall idea here is to have classic pieces that won't go out of style that last for years as to not constantly be buying clothes. I firmly believe in investing in these basic pieces so they'll last a long time. Look for sales, clearances and wander through thrift stores to find what you need to build your basic wardrobe. Be selective though-buy quality bargain pieces and have them taken in by a seamstress if they aren't a perfect fit vs. buying cheaper items that happen to fit you.


2. Make Accessories Work for You! Whether they are shoes, sunglasses, earrings, bracelets, necklaces, belts, scarves, or handbags find the ones that you love best and buy many at low cost shops. The key is to dress up a wardrobe many different ways without blowing your budget on pumps and expensive handbags. The best thing to do is buy all sorts of accessories for as little as you can. These keep your wardrobe interesting by adding color, texture, shape, and bling! A couple shops I love for this are Le Chateau, H&M and Aldo. I find the best inexpensive jewelry, trendy shoes and hair clips. Buy a purple or red handbag from Payless Shoe store for $20 and pump up your black suit for work, or jeans and a t-shirt. Hollywood stars use the same tricks just on a different budget.

The best tip is to wear a great outfit with one or two accessories maximum that pop! My mother used to dress extremely well because she picked out accessories and clothing that looked great but cost next to nothing. This is because she looked in stores like K-Mart as she couldn't afford designer or even mall store prices being a single mom for many years. Put on a Blazer. fitted tee and jeans with a pair of cute flats and have one significant piece like a great necklace to really make your neckline pop. When hair is done up, this is the best time to show off shoulders and your neckline, so draw attention with some great earrings and a necklace. Even a funky watch or belt can jazz up an otherwise low-key outfit.

3. Scarves are so Versatile. Scarves have so many uses that it is hard not to have any in your wardrobe. Scarves can act as a tie around your hair in a ponytail or used as a handband style, tied around your neck, used as a belt around your waist or simply tie to the shoulder strap of your handbag for a flirty look. It is good to have variety. Black and Red are my favorites however I have some softer colors such as pale pink, and patterns like houndstooth, polka-dots, and tasteful florals are very 'in' right now also. The scarf belt goes great with a sexy top and pair of jeans. When you are bored with the pattern or color, trade with your friends for variety.

4. Focus on your Face! Even if you don't feel like your wardrobe looks like a million bucks, put on a smile. It goes a long way and brightens your face! A little makeup really makes a difference. The 3 essentials I would recommend are Mascara, Lipstick (or a great gloss) and some blush. This will add color to your face and make your features pop. I have never bought into the notion that Designer or expensive makeup is best. I've used mainstream brands and organic/natural makeup my whole life and have always had compliments. These products are ¼ the price of department store and I can buy them anywhere. The key is to keep the makeup simple and light. Don't wear heavy foundation and loose powers with bright lipstick and heavy eyeliner. The key is to look natural and elegant with the right shade and application of blush and lipstick and a black/brown or black shade of mascara. Spend less money on makeup but spend more time on mastering a natural look gives you radiance.


5. Buy Quality Shoes that Last! Always buy quality shoes that can last you at least 2-3 years. Ensure that they are simple in color and style, are made of leather, but that they have a good sole and heel lifts. Shoes aren't made the way they used to be. I find myself having to replace my lifts on most of my shoes since they are plastic vs. high quality rubber or leather. They wear down quickly causing potential accidents as you glide across floors in those heels. The shoe repair shop will put great quality lifts on and it is inexpensive. Replace these every year or as needed with wear so that the heels of your shoes stay looking new. In addition, shine your shoes regularly and buy scuff removing solution. A great pair of shoes can look like trash when they have not been taken care of.

If you really do crave something trendy then let it be for a particular outfit, or dress say for a wedding, where the shoes will not be frequently worn, if ever again. Why not get the knock-off style at Payless Shoe store or another discount shoe store? Then you'll get the style and price you want and don't have to worry so much about the durability.


6. No Tattered Undergarments! Many women focus on their outer wardrobe and forget what is hiding underneath. It is important to frequently wash your bras as well as camisoles etc on delicate cycle. It is very unappealing to see a well dressed woman with a frayed, dirty bra strap peeking out of her top. Likewise, underwear and socks need to be replaced when stained, they start to look thin or have holes or elastic coming apart. This is not sexy for your partner or for yourself! You can typically buy a bunch of inexpensive clearance rack panties that look like designer knock-offs with all the lacy styles. You'll pay around $2-$5 per pair and they look great! If they get ruined in the washing machine or wear with time you can just toss them without thinking twice. While we are on the subject, ladies do buy bras that fit your cup and your body properly and are seamless. Bras aren't meant to cut into your skin and cause a ripple effect. There is nothing worse than a great top with seam lines, back fat or nipples showing!


7. Accessorize but don't overdo it! Classy women look classy because they don't overdo it. Wearing a great dress or outfit with a single ring, pair of small earrings and a small necklace is fine. Wearing a suit with a ring on every finger, watch, bracelet, heavy makeup, hair in an elaborate clip, a belt, a scarf around the neck and bright shoes is overkill. Nobody knows what to look at first! When you get ready to leave the house, look into a full length mirror with your entire outfit including a hat or handbag if included. You will often slowly start to strip a couple accessories away or tone down bold shoes and handbags. Remember, simple is best. Add one or two killer pieces that will have you feeling great and getting compliments along the way.


8. Don't be Afraid to Shop in Thrift Stores! I can't tell you how many things I've been able to snag there. The key is to go into an area that is more well-to-do or exclusive. Often people with a lot of money can discard things faster for new items such as great sweaters, blazers, handbags, you name it! My last purchase there was actually a set of hot rollers that retail at $70 that I picked up for $16! I bought an $80 pair of great brown boots that were never worn for $6!! I'll admit, you have to make some time to sift through a lot of duds till you find a few keepers, but it is well worth it. Buy items that have their original bold color, no fading! Make sure there are no holes, or stains. If there is a small area that is inconspicuous and the item is a steal, by all means grab the item if you can fix it. You can also find some fun handbags, belts and jewelry there too!

9. Wear clothes that Fit YOU! There is nothing worse than seeing a beautiful woman in skin tight dress pants, breasts hanging out, and the visible appearance of flab around the waist or back due to tight clothing. Looking slimmer is not about wearing super fitted clothing, clothing with breathing room and comfort will not only make you look better but feel better too. Classy women don't let it all hang out! If something in your wardrobe is too small but you love it, keep it until it does fit (maybe use it as motivation, or donate it to someone who can use it now) and find something new to wear in the meantime.


10. You DON'T Need Brand Names to Look Good. Today with so many great knock-offs and fun styles to choose from, there is no need to spend $450 on a pair of designer sunglasses. I have a $17 pair of Gucci knocks-offs that I bought in the airport, and have got more compliments on those than a real pair of Ralph Lauren shades that I spent over $100 on. Likewise, people see how well your outfit is put together moreso than they do what brand you are wearing. I see a lot of wealthy people wearing brand name overkill and they don't look classy at all, they just look tacky. Don't be a walking billboard for a brand name, just be an original and wear what fits you and what you feel good in.


This post was inspired by many women that I have worked with, spent time with, seen walking in the streets, and those that have told me that they simply don't have the money to dress well. You need an objective eye and patience to find what looks great on you. So, give your charge card a break and find out how fun it is to buy a couple items with a $20 bill! One of the most important things to remember to wear is your smile! Walk confidently and have a positive attitude, this is a makeover in and of itself!


XO







Photo Credits: (1) , all others via google.