Manners Monday: Respecting Other People's Time

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Do you have that one friend that is always late no matter where and when you meet them? While many in this world value money, there is something to be said about the importance of time. Given enough of it, we can accomplish great things, it can also be taken away from us by those who lack manners and do not grasp the concept of keeping their word, and respecting the time of others.

By showing up on time you keep both your day and the other person's whom you committed to, running smoothly. Whether it is a doctor's appointment or a dinner date, it is essential to be prompt. You cannot be a classy woman and chronically show up 15-20 minutes late for everything, running through life with your hair on fire!

The past few weeks of Manners Monday have been dedicated to communication. By showing up on time you reveal to others and non-verbally communicate the fact that you value them and their time. Unfortunately the opposite is also true-arrive late and you'll confirm to others that you do not value and respect them or their time. This may sound harsh but it's the truth. What's amazing to me is the many people that will drive over the speed limit and break all the rules to get to a hair appointment on time but those very same people are okay with letting their friends wait on them as they arrive 15 minutes late for brunch. We know that in general, people tend to treat strangers better than they treat their own family sometimes, but there should not be two sets of standards. Respect is respect, anyway you look at it.

I have a couple of these people in my life-one is a very close family member and the other is an acquaintance. The family member is somewhat lonely and tends to disrespect my time in a different way- she tends to keep me hanging on the phone just as I'm trying to get off. I've had to say, "I love you and I've really enjoyed our talk, but I have to get going, I'm meeting a client, etc." Every time it's the same thing, I've come to expect it. I have to make phone calls to her when I have a lot of free time and she gets disappointed that I don't call her often even though I've explained why in a polite way a few times now. There are some people that may never 'get it', they are generally a bit more self absorbed and in my experience generally think the world is all about them, their experiences and their problems. They are the people that I tend to limit my time with, especially when I'm busy.

I have an acquaintace that I would say was more of a friend at one time, however after multiple times of leaving our ladies group hanging and canceling a dinner at the last minute as well as showing up 30 minutes late for get togethers, I started to feel as if she didn't respect mine or anyone else's time. One time she had arranged a dinner with a group of us that she hadn't seen in a while and was the only one not to attend, cancelling after I had called to ask if she was running late. We still loosely keep in touch but we'll never be close for the simple reason that I refuse to give up my time to someone who so clearly does not respect it or me.

Some people don't realize how their self-centered "me" attitude can alienate others from them resulting in broken down friendships and the inability to even attract someone worthwhile as a mate. They always seem to have a million exuses such as "I wasn't feeling well", which is understandable, that is part of life but when it's a regular excuse, it can get old fast. Others say they were "caught in traffic", the kids kept them or their 'spouse' slowed them down (which I know does happen! I started telling dear hubby that we had to leave 30 mins prior to when we actually needed to leave and fixed that problem fast at our house). However, by always giving yourself more time (20 minutes is usually adequate) and not scheduling too many things too closely together you will likely never be late for work or anything else again..

Promising to show up to volunteer, be present at an an event, or meet others and then back out at the last minute is extremely rude, especially when others are counting on you. None of us are perfect, I'm certainly not- I've had my moments where I've lost track of time and shown up 10 minutes late to something that I really wanted to be early for. By making a phone call you can at least inform the other person of what to expect, even if it's 5 minutes that you'll be late, it is a courtesy to the other person so they know what is happening.

Maybe it means setting your alarm a little earlier in the morning or giving yourself that 20 minute buffer. Maybe it's time to take a few things off of the to-do list so you can make all of your appointments on time. Either way, not only will other people feel respected but you will feel better about yourself too. I don't know anyone who feels good about letting someone else down which is essentially what is happening when time is trampled on.

For casual functions I generally tend to show up 5 minutes early to the actual time of the event. For formal functions like an interview, wedding or meeting a design client I'm always really early-sometimes I park around the corner from a client's home and read or check phone messages until five minutes prior when I'll loop around and park near their home, because I know how it feels when people show up at my door too early. ;)

How about YOU? Are you usually super early, chronically late or right on time?

Reader Request: Mastering Time Management

This week's reader request comes from a lovely gal named Nathaly who has some concerns about time management. It's something that affects all of us so I hope you'll all benefit from the tips below, here is what she wrote:

Hello Karla!

My name is Nathaly, and I have a question for you. As a college student, I'm having a lot of trouble with time management due to all the obligations a typical college student has such as school work, family, friends, student groups, hobbies, applying for internships, financial troubles etc, etc. I am trying to establish a good daily routine in which I can make the most of my time, but don't really know where to start.

Besides fitting in my obligations, I also want to make time for a good amount of sleep, exercise, healthy eating, bible time, and the like. I decided it would be useful to look at the daily routines of people I admire and you are one of them. You seem like a highly effective person and it seems like you have a close relationship with God. I would love to see how you organize your day and how you dedicate time to God, as well!

Thank you so much!

-Nathaly

Here is my note to her and some necessary steps to take in order to master time management.

Hi Nathaly!

Thank you for taking the time to write me, I'm so flattered by your sweet words. :) I was a college student myself not too long ago and I will most certainly do my best to share with you how I organize my day/time so you can accomplish as much as possible in each day. I used to be a Professional Organizer too so I'm very familiar with organizing spaces but also schedules.

As a student, organizing your time and various life demands is one of the greatest challenges that you'll face.With different class subjects and times each day, things can be tricky, nevermind adding friends, family, prayer, or even a job into the mix. Below are some tips I recommend to help you set up a schedule that works best for you.

Time Management Success Tips

1. Use One Calendar Only- If you’ve separated your school tasks and lifestyle demands into separate calendars, start by using just one. If a paper calendar doesn’t provide enough room, use your cell phone calendar, a PDA device or an actual agenda book. This will allow you to see your FULL day and make better decisions.You can always color code by using a highlighter to highlight only the school projects or by using two different colors to differentiate school from non-school activities.
2. Prioritize-Aside from your school work and exams, what in your life is most important? You might want to take 5 minutes and list the various elements that make up your life such as God, family, friends, gym workouts, etc. What are your goals? Really think hard about how much time you’d like to realistically dedicate to each. Perhaps you’d love to spend each Saturday with your girlfriends but it’s just not feasible. Instead, maybe you can meet your girlfriends for 2-3 hours every other Saturday for example. Do this with each. This will help you plan out when and how each will fit into your schedule.

3. Timing is Everything- You had mentioned wanting to make more time someone important in your life-God. This is an area where many people struggle. Sometimes our best intentions to make more time for our creator get filled up instead with other pressing matters like a Father’s day event, a friend’s birthday or perhaps studying for exams and working on assignments as their deadlines are very urgent. I would encourage you to think about which time of day offers you 10 minutes or more of quiet time and peace so you can make time to be alone with God on a consistent basis.

For me, it is first thing in the morning. I make it a point to try to read my bible every morning or if I’m really pressed for time one morning, at the very least I can pray with no distractions. Be sure to keep your bible on your nightstand so you see it when you wake up or before you go to sleep. Of course there are other times throughout my day that I like to pray while I'm working, while I’m driving, or before a meal, but I find early morning to be a great time of solitude. My mind is most free from distractions, worries and thoughts and I am more fresh in the morning. It’s a great way to start my day too on a positive and joyful note! Early morning may be another opportune time for a workout session too for those reasons.

4. Backwards Planning-One great tool I use to plan most of my major deadlines or even something as simple as the mailing of a Mother’s day card is to count backwards from the due date. This can work for your school projects but also in your personal life. It especially works well when planning out finances too. You can create mini milestones for the various smaller aspects of the greater picture. For example, I am using this tool as I finish writing and editing my upcoming book and its many components and deadlines so I can stay on track. This strategy is great because it will help you experience less stress because you won't rush to have things completed and it provides you with more control over your life.

5. Plan Your Meals-Since we eat three or more meals a day, it’s a great idea to plan out meals as much as possible. Be sure to find some easy recipes online that you can whip up in 15 minutes or less. Find a few that you can rely on when you’re pressed for time and be more willing to explore new recipes only on days that you can afford the time. Planning your meals and snacks will also save you money and they are far better for your health than most cafeteria type food or fast food.

6. Hitting the Gym-As mentioned earlier, workouts might be easiest for you in the morning however, only you can determine that. Perhaps the evening works better with your schedule. Once you are working and have graduated your daily schedule will be less chaotic so know that the current challenges may become easier for you in the near future. In the mean time, even just a 30-minute circuit training workout can provide you with the results you’re looking for if you’re able to perform it 3+ times per week. Ask yourself if you can eliminate something else that you currently do now for that amount of time to contribute to your best health. For me personally, I work out whenever it fits into my day best, some days that is morning and some days it's evening. Overall, I prefer to work out in the evening around 8pm when most people are not there.

7. Alternate Weeks-If you’re schedule is so jam packed that regular workouts or spending time with family or friends just doesn’t seem feasible, you may want to alternate weeks. For regular activities that you like to do such as sports, girl’s night,workouts etc., you might want to do one week on and one week off. This way you’re still getting the benefits every other week but you don’t have to feel conflicted when you can’t schedule everything into a single week.

8. Trial and Error- To some degree, creating a really effective schedule is a bit of trial and error. We don’t always realize how long certain tasks will take at first and may need to adjust the time allocated. Likewise, you may stop doing something you once did or may pick up something new. Be willing to try different ideas or do tasks on different days. For example Thursday-Sunday are the busiest days for grocery shopping so try to do yours between Mon-Wed so you’ll spend less time in the store. Equip yourself ahead of time with a list to save even more time. Find out what time your gym is the most quiet and see if that works with your schedule. I learned that for me to perform best, I need to limit my time online. Now, I only check e-mail twice per day-once in the morning and once in the evening. I also limit my time to write for my blog to a set  late evening hour after I've worked on my design projects and book writing during the day. Sometimes you have to be a little bit strict with yourself to accomplish what you truly desire. Always remember to keep the longterm goal/gain in mind even when the short term one seems much more appealing.

It's also important to remember that your friends and family understand that College is both physically and emotionally demanding. Nobody expects perfection or for you to be a superwoman. Just do your best to make the most of each day, that’s really all you can do. Don't forget to make time for YOU. Make sure to take some time out to do the things you really love so you'll feel inspired, even something as simple as a bubble bath can rejuvenate you for the next day.

Nathaly, I hope you'll find these points beneficial, they are the very secrets I use. Please keep in touch and let me know how you are doing!

Have a blessed week,

~Karla

Just a reminder to anyone else who has a question that they'd like to see answered in the form of a reader request, you can e-mail me by clicking the large envelope in the sidebar. You can choose share your name or remain anonymous. My goal is that by sharing both your questions and my answers, I hope to help you as well as many other women readers with a similar scenario.

To read previous reader requests, simply type those word into the search box in my side bar.

I look forward to reading your e-mails soon!

Making the Most of Your Day

Do you struggle to get everything done in a day? Are you sometimes left feeling like the things most important to you get put on the back burner? Do you want to live a more intentional and productive life? This post is dedicated to getting more out of your day and making the most of the hours you have available to live a more joyful and fulfilling life.


Over this past month I've been thinking a lot about this. I was so excited for 2010 to come, after all it's not only a new year but also a new decade. I wanted to really push myself to make the most of this year and make some necessary changes so I could fulfill all of my goals this year. I started to realize that I don't always use my time in the most efficient or productive manner. Sometimes I'm SO focused on marketing for my business or on work itself that I let other areas slide and then feel overwhelmed by them later. I've now declared this month to be a more organized and effective month. Below I'll show you some of the areas I want to improve so I can get more out of my day.


If you are in the same boat and want to join, you'll need to begin by getting a sheet of paper and a pen or your word document up and listing the things that are most important to you. Do you want to be more successful in your career? Do you want to become more fit, more spiritual, have a stronger sense of family unity or have more fun? Think about what really makes you feel alive, fulfilled, happy and connected?

Some examples of day-to-day items might be creating something new everyday and feeling inspired, making sure all the beds are made in your home or the dishes are done before coming home from work so you'll feel less overwhelmed, perhaps it's making sure you hit the gym every single morning so you can start your day with more energy. Once you create your list (it can be as long as you want) be sure to re-assess the list and place the most important areas at the top of your list in descending order.


Whatever is most important to you needs to start taking priority in your life TODAY. There is no sense in pleasing everyone else and feeling miserable yourself.  We are no good to anyone if we are not good to ourselves.


After you've acknowledged the areas you'd like to focus on, you'll need to create a plan of action. If you want to make a point of working out each morning, this may involve you asking your spouse to stay home with the kids or helping them with their school gear in the morning. Perhaps you can relieve him from evening duties by allowing him to go to the gym, or do something else that he loves, helping you both become more fulfilled. This will all depend on your current schedule and what will fit best in each day and may involve some juggling and will definitely involve a shift in your day-to-day routines.


Hold yourself accountable by writing the changes you'd like to see in a journal on a daily basis and checking them off if you were able to incorporate them into your day. After a week or month has passed by, look back and see how much  more you've accomplished. For some, depending on what your goals are, you may need to go to bed earlier, get up earlier, pre-plan specific meals, outfits or kids' lunches the night before or it may mean cutting out TV or net surfing time. If you really want to make the most of your day, these things should still be more important that what you are sacrificing.


As for me, I have some very specific areas that will make my life run smoother, become more productive, less stressful and overall an even happier person. I like a clean and organized home, but when I get really busy I tend to push some of the lesser important things like laundry aside. It's easy for me to do so because we both have many clothes and towels to get by on even if I were to leave the laundry for a while. Later, it's frustrating though playing catch up and I'm left searching for clothes that I want to wear but aren't available to me. That doesn't let me feel my personal best.

I also like to work out about 5 days per week and feel an increase in energy and flexibility and strength when I'm doing so. When I push my gym workouts aside to complete a project or consistently go to bed late and get up late, I miss my workout opportunity and  I don't feel as good about myself or feel as energetic. In order to be my personal best, these were two areas I really need to amp up.

What will I sacrifice? I need to stop working, web surfing, blogging and reading until 2 or 3am (any other late owl's with me on that?) which then forces me to wake up later the next morning. However, because I believe sleep is essential to overall health I won't cut that out just to get up when my alarm goes off and as a result it causes and endless circle of later nights, later mornings and less productivity. Enough is enough, I NEED to reclaim a regular routine by going to bed no later than 11pm so I can get up early and complete the household cleaning, laundry and get to my gym workouts that I really need and want. I don't want to spend my whole weekend doing household chores anymore or rushing around before company pops over because I've misused the hours in my week.

Is anyone else with me? How about you? Are you looking to make the most of your days but feel something has held you back? Join me this month and get back on track! I'll check back in with you in March to let you know how it has changed or improved my quality of life and what the extra time allowed me to accomplish.