Reader Request: Etiquette for New Neighbors

I mentioned a few days ago in this Manners Monday post that one of my readers, Amy from California, wrote in asking about etiquette as it pertains to being the new neighbor on the block. They will soon be getting married and moving from the bustling city of San Francisco to the suburbs in Boise, Idaho.

This is what Amy wrote in asking:

Karla,

My fiance (our day is in the coming August) and I are moving to a suburb in a whole new state. I understand you have done your share of pulling up and settling down thousands of miles away from "home," I wondered if you'd give me your opinion on what is the etiquette for being the newcomers on the block.

How can we (in a classy manner) simply introduce ourselves to the neighbors and what are the ways that we can explore in building a social network in a new place?

Thank you,
Amy

This was how I responded...

Dear Amy,

Thanks for writing, I love to hear from my readers! :) First of all, congratulations on your engagement and I think it's great that you're stretching yourselves and moving to a new area, albeit unfamiliar.

It's true, I moved multiple times as a child, then as an adult, most recently I moved from Toronto, Canada to Orlando, FL 4 years ago which has been interesting. While the area was new to me, my husband had lived in our now home for many years and grew up here (it was his grandparent's home) so it was a different process for me-he was familiar with it all and I was learning the ins and outs for the first time. I think there is something special though about experiencing a move to a new town with a significant other.

As far as etiquette goes as the newcomers, if you're moving into a home or town home you'll generally find that more established neighbors on your street will see the moving truck and will become curious and make their way over to introduce themselves and offer to be of help as you get settled. If they don't come over on moving day (they may want to give you space), they'll definitely see you while you get the mail, walk the dog (if you have one) or go for a walk yourselves, or even take out the trash.

However, if for some reason this is not your experience, by all means, grab your honey and introduce yourselves to the neighbors. Perhaps you'll see them playing with their children outside, bringing in the recycle bins, etc. You'll definitely at the very least want to get to know the neighbors on either side of you as well as those across the street from you, however it's not necessary to go door-to-door and introduce yourselves to each neighbor. With street parties, local community events and other scenarios, you're bound to meet those that reside around you soon enough and one neighbor is bound to introduce you to some of the others.

The whole moving experience will feel so much more pleasant once you get to know a few neighbors that you can turn to for questions or help if you need to. They can be a great source of information-the best grocery stores, they may also have valuable contact for contractors/handy man, painters, etc. Don't be disheartened if your neighbors seem to keep to themselves, this is especially common in the cooler months but by introducing yourselves and getting to know your neighbors you'll show yourselves to be friendly.

As far as branching out socially, if it's a city where the two of you won't know anyone else, or many others, the website: www.MeetUp.com is highly recommended and exists in every city. I didn't discover it until I was living in FL for nearly 2 years but once I did, I got to meet a lot of great people who were also in the same place in their life, similar age group with similar interests and even started my own women's group on it which has been a blast! It's a great way to get to know local eateries, shopping areas and learn about local parks, activities, etc. It was the single best thing I did besides buying a GPS. ;)

Other areas for you to branch out socially might happen naturally if you set up a library account, explore churches in your area (if that's of interest) and be sure to ask friends if they know of anyone in your area. You never know, a friend of a friend might be able to introduce you to things and places you might not have thought of and you might make a new friend that way too.

I hope this is helpful. Your questions have actually given me inspiration for a couple future posts on moving and etiquette. I hope your upcoming move is extremely stress-free and that you love your new home and city!

Warmly,
Karla

I'd love to hear how you got settled into your neighborhood and how you set up your social network in a new town!

Manners Monday: Greeting New Neighbors

 With springtime being one of the busiest seasons for moving, I thought I'd spend some time focusing on the etiquette of moving as it pertains to meeting new neighbors. Today's post was inspired by Amy, a reader who wrote in this weekend asking me about etiquette as it pertains to her upcoming move, more on that later this week.

Today I want to focus on the proper etiquette of welcoming new neighbors and what your role is as the established neighbor.

It's a beautiful Saturday afternoon and you're working in your garden when you see a moving truck pull up to the home that sold just a few months ago. The new neighbors begin unloading their belongings and directing movers where items need to go. You might be wondering who should introduce themselves to whom and when an appropriate time to do so would be.

Moving day is always a busy one, there is a lot to co-ordinate and often the new home owners are exhausted from packing, unpacking and lugging heavy boxes around so they definitely won't want want to linger long on the day they take possession of their new home, as they'll be anxious to get settled in.

Here are some tips and advice on how to greet your new neighbors so they feel welcomed to your neighborhood.

1. Timing & Taking Initiative- As the established neighbor, it's always best to take initiative and introduce yourself first. If the new homeowner(s) have help moving in, it would be safe to pop over and meet with them for a few minutes however if they're the only one co-ordinating the move and running the show, it's best to wait until a later date. If they appear to have a few people helping them, the break to chat and meet someone new might be a welcomed one.

2. Be Refreshing- Whether it's hot outside or not, moving itself works up a sweat, so pop by with a couple bottles of water which is thoughtful and a good way to break the ice. Don't linger too long but do introduce yourself and let them know your name and your significant other's name and let them know you live right across the street, in the house with the red door or whatever easily describes your home, should they need anything at all. Show interest and ask them where they are from.

Also share with them any resources such as handymen in the area or a great painter/contractor, etc., if they ever need one. It's also a good opportunity to let them know when the city services such as garbage and recycling pickup come by and what days their side of the street can water. Keep it brief so they can get back to work and let them know it was a pleasure to meet them.

3. Magical Move-Sometimes when we're busy with life, away for the weekend or don't even see the move occur, we all of a sudden notice that new neighbors have moved into a home on your street, almost magically. Try to find an opening to introduce yourself and welcome them. This might be while you're taking out the garbage, walking the dog, going for an evening jog or outside pulling the weeds. Wave from your side of the street and say hello, once you make eye contact and they respond, pop over and shake their hand and chat with them for a bit, make them feel a part of the new neighborhood. Try to find common ground on anything they share so they'll feel more at ease.

4. The More the Merrier- Look for opportunities to introduce your new neighbors to other neighbors that they may not have met. Maybe an annual street party is just the time or if you are in the habit of hosting backyard parties, why not invite them over? You could have them over for coffee. Once you've gotten past the initial meeting and getting to know them, you might want to go on a double date for dinner at a restaurant or take them somewhere fun in your area to expose them to what's available.

5. Putting Yourself in their Shoes-Sometimes we try our best to greet someone new and it doesn't work out. Maybe they aren't very friendly or their lifestyle is completely different than yours-you're a busy professional woman with a white picket fence and young children and they happen to be a couple of single guys in their fifties who are proud members of a motorcycle club and drive Harleys. You don't have to be friends with every one of your neighbors if they aren't your cup of tea or you don't have much in common, but do look beyond appearances and extend yourself and show kindness, make the effort and always think of the situation from their perspective.

Moving from another town, state or country into a new neighborhood can be uncomfortable and overwhelming but by being greeted with warm smiles and sweet people, it can make their transition so much easier and they will always remember you for that. It's always good to have people in your corner to watch over your home while you're away on vacation or in case of an emergency and it's better to have met them beforehand vs. when you need to run over during a crisis when you might need their help.

Unfortunately, these days everyone is so busy with their own lives that the lovely gestures of days gone by such as a welcome basket or a freshly baked pie seem to have been forgotten. If you're baking a fresh batch of muffins, why not double up the recipe and bring some over to your new neighbors? Popping by with an inexpensive bunch of flowers is another thoughtful idea to brighten their home.

What was the most memorable thing that a neighbor did to welcome you to your new home/neighborhood?What things have you done to greet a new neighbor and make them feel special?


*images: (1) (2),(3)(4),(5)

Where Have I Been, You Ask?

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I've received a few warm e-mails with questions and also blog comments lately as to my whereabouts. I've still been here in the blogosphere but not nearly as regularly as I have been in the past. I can assure you that I not only read your blogs when I have the free time to do so but that I still read every one of your comments and e-mails too, in fact they brighten my day!

As I mentioned in this post, I've been in a bit of a reflective place lately.The truth is that I've been going through a transition period that I'm still figuring out and have in turn taken on a bit more responsibility as well which has stolen some of my time. I've been playing catch up in so many areas but I'm working on many new blog posts and trying to put the finishing touches on my book once and for all so that it can get published and will be available for all of you! For anyone that has ever written a book, you know what a long process it can be. Creating and editing the same content over and over, and making tweaks so it will be just perfect takes time but I've loved every minute of it because I know it will be be a valuable read for many.

Part of this delay came from my decision to write 3 books simultaneously over several months. I finally had to make the choice to focus on one at a time because it was a bit chaotic to say the least! Once this first one is launched here soon, (dare I put a timeline or date on it at this point. LOL) I actually have two others baking in the oven that will be launched in 2011 which I am also excited about.  Along side of my literary life we've been dealing with some ill family members and have also been working out the logistics of a possible upcoming move.

While I don't use my blog as a means to document all the details of my personal life, since we are friends here, I think it is important for me to be transparent and share where I'm at and perhaps my absence at times will make more sense. Since the early spring of this year, my husband and I have been busy praying about and discussing something that he's wanted to pursue-getting his Masters Degree in Global Affairs. This of course not only involves an investment of time but also money and for a period of time we will be living apart-he in NYC while he attends NYU and I'll be in FL. He is already there now, I dropped him off at the airport last Tuesday.

It was hard to cuddle with him at the airport for and hour and then watch him walk through security to his gate. There have been a lot of tears over the past few weeks leading up to this point and our home is definitely more quiet without his presence, but I know it won't be like this forever. He has settled into an affordable apartment through a Christian Missions organization and is really enjoying the part of town he is in- Astoria- and has a wonderful view of the New York skyline. While it doesn't provide the same level of coziness (he tells me it needs the 'Karla' touch) he has made it his home for now and he began classes a couple days ago and knows he is really going to enjoy his program.

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While I miss him dearly already, he and I both lived on our own for several years before ever meeting, dating or marrying. We are both extremely independent and we do like our quiet time. This time has allowed me uninterrupted moments to focus in a greater way-whether I'm working or spending time on my hobbies. I'm sure it has allowed him the kind of solitude free of distractions that he needs to study as well.

I want to make sure I'm clear here that we are not separating  or living in separates states because we want to be in any way. In fact, we just celebrated our 4th Anniversary this Labor Day weekend on Sept.3rd and we love each other more today then we did the day we married. :) I know that long distance relationships aren't for everyone and while we did endure a long distance relationship for the short months that we were dating and engaged, it was never anything that I had planned on while being married. Let me tell you, I have a whole new appreciation for army wives!

The good news is that we can visit each other on weekends and I definitely plan to visit as often as I can since he has Fridays off from school. As his wife I want him to pursue his dreams and want to support him in the same way he supports me my life passions and goals. He has traveled to over 60 countries and is very passionate about seeing the world  and studying worldly affairs in general. He is also a part-time Real Estate agent and works with clients on an international basis. I honestly couldn't think of a more perfect program for him to be in, place to be living in or a more opportune time for everything to come together.

In this economy it wasn't worth it for us to sell our home in Florida-homes here are going for 1/3 of what they are worth. We are  fortunate that this was a home that he inherited several years ago from his grandparents that has a small mortgage payment however it still has all of the regular ol' bills to pay. We discussed everything from renting it out to others, leaving it as is or having me stay in the home while he is in NY. I'm still in our home today-there is a lot of expense to store furniture and not every renter will value or care for your home the way that you would, so we made the decision not to rent.  Since I am still committed to a few design clients I will most likely be here until the end of the year. At that time we'll evaluate whether or not I will stay here longer or join hubby in chilly NYC after finding a larger apartment for the both of us. There is a lot to take in at the moment and on a daily basis friends and family ask me when I'm moving up there and I really don't have any good answers for anyone.

Speaking of friends, one of the toughest decisions actually surrounds family and friends. Moving here 4 years ago from Toronto, Canada was a huge change for me. For months I longed to just spend a Saturday with my best girlfriends, talk about everyday stuff in the same way that we once did or spend the holidays with my  family. Getting used to the area, finding my way around Orlando and making new friends all while trying to begin a business in a new Country was a bit daunting and there were a few days of frustration and tears along the way. Truth be told I don't really want to start all over again after 4 years here.

On the flip side, being in New York will actually bring me up north again closer to my best friends and extended family. I love that idea but know that I still wouldn't see them every month, so I want to be realistic about mine/their expectations. That aspect is very alluring however the cold weather is not. When you've moved from harsh winters to no winters, that factor does come into play. I do have winter coats and boots and all cold weather gear up in our attic but the thought of treading through snow again for more than just a visit is not something that I really want to do right now-I like the beauty of snow but I love wearing sandals year round more. LOL.

Something we discussed last year was potentially starting to try for a baby this summer-real spontaneous we are, I know.  It was hard to think of the possibility of holding off for another year or two as his program is a 2-year masters degree. Turning another year older in August was certainly a reminder that time is a tickin'. We are going to see how his first year goes and where we are at that point at which time we may entertain the idea or wait one more year. This is all coming at a time when so many of my close friends and family members already have toddlers, have just had babies, or are expecting one soon so my heart aches a bit. Every baby shower has left me feeling excited for the mommy-to-be but anxious for my own. I have always dreamed of being a mother and pray that our decision to hold off for now doesn't leave us running out of time when we finally make that decision. My mother was 37 when she was pregnant my younger brother so I'm pretty confident that all will be well, since I have a few years to go before that time.

With these changes and this move also comes more household responsibility and upkeep, some administrative responsibilities as I help to run the 'family business' of managing real estate clients all while finishing off client design jobs and deciding whether I should continue to market my business here or close up shop for 2 years and start over for a little while in New York to later return. I'm trying to make the best financial decisions as we now have two residences to account for.

What I know for sure is that we have a very strong marriage that can withstand the stormy seas and high winds of life (as we've been through many already), but I know it won't always be easy. I am so grateful for my hubby and near or far I know we are always within each other's heart. In fact, that was one of the things he stressed before he left. He had really hoped that I would have be able to join him in NY, but the timing just didn't allow for it. You know what they say though-distance makes the heart grow fonder! ;)

In terms of this blog, one thing that I can tell you is that my commitment to it hasn't changed. This blog is a passion for me and I enjoy all of the friendships that I've made so far and am looking forward to the ones that I will continue to make. Having said that, some weeks may have more posts than others but I'm working on a bunch now that I can schedule in advance to keep things hopping.

I also wanted to let you know that the Manners Monday series has not disappeared, it will be making its return next Monday and I'll also be sharing more tips via the What to Wear posts along with an assortment of other post topics and reader requests. You can find many of these posts in my sidebar. Now that the summer is over and fall is approaching, I feel excited about everything that it has to offer-from warm decor and crisp air to hot apple cider and pumpkin carving, there will be posts on that too.

{Northern California-Fall '09}

Since fall is my favorite season, I've decided to extend the special promotion of $5/month ad space to anyone interested-there are a few spaces left for September, otherwise I can post your ad in October.  You can visit the sponsors tab for more information or to reserve your spot via Paypal. You can see some of our other sponsors in the sidebar.This offer will be available until October.31, 2010 after which time regular rates will apply.

So, that's what I've been up to. How about you? What does your fall season look like-any changes on the horizon? I'd love to hear what you've been up to!

XO