You Can't Please Everyone

Today's post is a shorter one and a gentle reminder to us all. Posting on Facebook then taking my message here and expanding upon it further has started to become a regular ritual. After seeing that today's post had 25 likes after just one hour I learned that many of you, my readers, agreed and felt strongly about these words so I wanted to share them here too!

I love this image and text above by Dita Von Teese. Think of the many times you've fallen in love with a particular book, movie, food or item of clothing and a friend really could care less for it. It wouldn't matter how much you tried to convince her of how awesome it is-she's just not having asparagus, skinny jeans or watching Glee. ;)

As women, it's as almost as if there is something inborn in us to become people pleasers. We want others to be happy, well fed, taken care of, nurtured, feel at home in our house and we long for friendships and to be liked. Sometimes we just want others to like what we like. These are all very good things but sometimes they just don't work out as we hope. I've always been able to make friends fairly easily as a child and adult even though I tend to be on the shy side at first. Sometimes you just get a feeling as though someone doesn't care for you or what you're all about. It could be a lack of common interests, different beliefs or even jealousy-whatever the reasoning, for many years I would try to over-analyze why they might not like me. While I wouldn't try hard to please the person in question, I would really want to know what it was. The thoughts were exhausting because I knew I wasn't about to change who I was to make someone like me. I finally decided that I just didn't care because there are enough amazing people on this planet that I will have things in common with and will have a great time with and will like me exactly as I am. The trick is in 'Staying True to Yourself'.

We must accept the fact that no matter how hard we try in life, we will never please EVERYONE 100% of the time nor will we be liked by every person. The sooner we realize this, the easier it will be to focus on just being our best self without feeling insecure or requiring the need to be accepted or perfect in another's eyes. 

For me, one thing I've learned is that people will have their opinions and reasons about why they do or don't like or accept you, and sometimes that won't ever change. Really, their opinion isn't all that important anyway. In my heart I know my creator and I know what He thinks of me. He created me in His own image and made me with all of my quirks and intricacies as well as likeable bits just as I am and loves me unconditionally. If you struggle with how other's perceive you, you'll benefit from this post I wrote called, 'Letting Go of How Others Perceive You'.

Remember, when you feel others are against you or you feel you just can't seem to live up to other's expectations, there is only ONE who will accept you just as you are-no pretenses and no judgments- just love, peace, grace and mercy offered because you are one of His children.

I hope you're all having a fabulous week so far! I'd love to know, what areas do you struggle with as it pertains to being liked or pleasing others?

XO




*Photo credit

Staying True to Yourself

Hi Ladies! Wow, has it really been over a month since I last blogged? I promise to not let so much time go by before the next post! I've been having some technical issues with both of my laptops. While I can't say that anything extremely profound has taken place over the past few weeks accomplishment-wise, I have been working on a lot of small projects and today's message has been on my heart to share for a while now, I just haven't made the time to sit down and write. Upon waking from a dream I had the other night highlighting me as the only one who stood my ground (although it wasn't the most comfortable option) and did what was right for me amongst a group of about 30 other ladies who chose to go with the flow and not 'offend' anyone, I was reminded to get this message out so I hope it will bless someone.

One of the most important characteristics of a classy woman is her desire and ability to stay true to herself. Whether it be her faith, appearance, career, relationships, family, etc., her confidence level and purpose in life are not only intimately linked to doing what is right for her, they are the very cornerstones of why she is able to remain steadfast and true. When you know what your purpose is in life, you have the confidence to say no to anything that derails your plans for success and that which is not congruent with your mission.

In a world where people often fight for your time, attention and sometimes your money, it's important to do what is right for you to avoid falling prey to fulfilling everyone else's wishes but your own. While it's a joy to do things for others and lend a helping hand, it is the women who are most willing to step up to the plate that generally get asked repeatedly and then sometimes fear saying 'no' in an effort to avoid upsetting or hurting anyone that has come to rely on them. This need to be a "yes woman" can hinder your own progress in life and can leave you feeling worn out and resentful later. The best way to overcome being a yes woman is to learn the art of saying no. I'll be sharing more on this topic in the coming weeks including providing some sure-fire responses to those that insist that you help them, help other family members or a particular cause/organization.

In the words of my hubby, who is the king of resisting other people who attempt to put their 'map' on him 'Not Every Need is a Calling.' This statement confirms the mindset of a classy woman that not every need that others have of her to do, donate to, volunteer for, or take on are in fact her calling in life. I'm not suggesting that we should all rebel against anything that anyone asks of us in an effort to always get our own way and avoid helping others, but it is a reminder that in order to become our best self we need to exercise our gifts, talents and passions using them to the fullest blessing others along the way while fulfilling our life's purpose, whatever that may be.

Peer Pressure. It's a word that brings reminders of high school days and the thought of experimental years but it is something that is alive and well today in our adult life, maybe even more so than it was back in those teen years. We are bombarded with TV messages, ads on the internet and radio commercials that suggest that we are are missing out if we don't have the latest smart phone or tech gadget, designer shoes, anti-aging serum, shiny new luxury car, the list goes on! We are constantly being influenced by not only the media but also our own friends, family members, colleagues and neighbors to have the best and 'fit in'. Instead of allowing others to define those things for us, we need to be sure we know who we are, what we stand for and what is in fact most important to us.

The only real way to know yourself in a greater way, so you can stay true to who you are, is to spend time alone with yourself. Think of who you are today, what you've accomplished, what you love about yourself, what you would like to change and the ways that you can get there. Also meditate on what is most important to you at this moment. What do you dream of? What makes your mind race with excitement? What makes you feel fulfilled? What makes you feel uncomfortable? What things or people do you tend to say yes to even though you would love to say no?

Here are some tips to Staying True to Yourself by Cari Vollmer

1. Value your SELF and your CHOICES. When you do, others will too. OWN the choices you make in your life. When you doubt yourself, others will doubt you. When you believe in yourself, in time, others will believe in you too.



2. Opinions. Realize, opinions are more about the person giving them then they are about you. Remember each person sees the world only as they can see it. This doesn’t mean they are right, better, or smarter than you. They are simply different, have a different set of values, beliefs and life experiences. Their opinions may be valid, or invalid. Ultimately, it’s up to you to decide how outside opinions fit your life.


3. Take time off. Too many people telling you what they think? Take time for yourself. To hear the whispers of your heart you have to be quiet and listen closely. You can’t hear what your heart wants YOU to hear if you drown it out by giving others too much “air” time in your life.


4. Know yourself. Be willing to deepen your sense of self. Create a personal philosophy for living. Know your values and what you care about most. Doing so will increase your confidence and how people look at you.


5. Set boundaries. Some people just go too far. Sometimes it’s OK to respectfully listen but it’s also OK to set boundaries for areas of your life that are off limits.


6. Stand by YOUR side. Others may not be there for you when you most need them so you have to be there for yourself. Trust yourself and be willing to stand up for what you believe in.


Such wise words from Cari, the first point is my favorite!

If others cannot accept you as you are or 'get' why you operate your life the way you do, it's really not your problem-they don't need to understand you. There is such a joy, confidence and feeling of liberation when you remain faithful to what's most important to you and resist those that may try to change you or cause you to deviate from who you were born to be.

What areas of life do you find most challenging to remain true to yourself?

Also, come join our conversation on Facebook where I've been posting regularly with daily doses of uplifting messages and quotes to inspire you. I look forward to chatting with you there soon! ;)




*images: (1), (2), (3)